Category Archives: Dumbass Awards

Chuck E. Cheese birthday mom smackdown

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A birthday party turned into a “birthday melee” (sweet) when a mom decided to put the beat down on another mom whose kid wouldn’t share a video game. Hilarity ensued. A child’s birthday party at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in Massachusetts was cut short when a fight broke out between two mothers. The mother […]

"I learned it from you, mom!"

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Congratulations, Lisa Schuchard, of Omaha, Nebraska, you’re our Douche of the Day™! Not only do you seem to wake and bake on a regular basis while taking care of your kid, but you also taught your daughter how to smoke pot. The little detail that clinched your award? Your child is only 4 years old! […]

Grandfather passes out on an infant

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This is why drugs, alcohol and hillbillies don’t mix… CAMPBELLSBURG, Ky. — A man who police said passed out intoxicated on top of his grandson has been charged with reckless homicide in the boy’s death. Donna Marie Cull, the child’s grandmother, said when 2-month-old Xavian Cull was born, he spent 11 days in the NICU […]

Florida man flees car crash, leaves kid inside

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Congratulations, Larry Patterson of Orlando, Florida, you’re our Douche of the Day™! You would not be douche award worthy if you were only driving around with your kid in a stolen vehicle. No, you excelled by then getting into a high speed chase with police, crashing the car, then running off leaving your baby in […]

3 year old shoots himself in the head

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Note to self: Do not hire Joshua White to babysit. DECATUR, Ga. — Police have arrested a man after the boy he was watching apparently shot himself by accident. Joshua White was baby-sitting his girlfriend’s 3-year-old son Monday and called 911 after the boy was wounded, DeKalb County police spokesman J.T. Ware said. The boy […]

Toddler forgotten at St. Louis Mall

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Police believe a mother was too ashamed to own up to mistake but given that she already had warrants for her arrest, Minor Topics isn’t so quick to buy it. ST. LOUIS — Police still want to know why a 3-year-old boy was left alone at a suburban St. Louis shopping mall over the weekend. […]

Abercrombie manager hit with obscenity charge for ads

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Wait, is this 2008 or 1958? A manager at an Abercrombie & Fitch store in Virginia Beach, Virginia has been issued an obscenity citation for poisoning the minds of poor, innocent Virginia teenagers. The cops sprung into action when they received complaints about two large ads in the store — one that showed about an […]

Houston mom to 6 kids: See you in a month!

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We’ve all periodically read stories about a mom leaving her kids home alone while she goes off for the weekend with her boyfriend or whatever, but this must set some sort of record. A Houston mom apparently decided that her 16-year-old was old enough to babysit her other five children, ranging in age from 1 […]

Driver who killed teenager suing parents for damage

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Wow, this guy must have one giant set of balls. Tomas Delgado, a businessman in Spain, was doing nearly 100 m.p.h. in a 55 m.p.h. zone when he struck and killed Enaitz Iriondo, 17, who cycled in front of Delgado’s path. It was after dark, and since Iriondo wasn’t wearing reflective clothing or a helmet, […]

Anger management teacher goes postal on a kid's finger

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A behavior teacher perpetuating the stereo-type that those who can’t — teach, was wrestling with a middle school student and proceeded to break the student’s finger as the teacher called for submission. The principal is citing horse play while the parents are implying a lawsuit. CLOVERDALE, Ind. — A Cloverdale Middle School anger-management teacher resigned […]

Nobody takes cookies from a girl scout and gets away with it

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A girl scout was robbed during a cookie sale, by one of her customers. Lucky for her, the suspect wrote down her name and address on the order form so that police could arrest her quickly. SAVANNAH, Ga. — A Girl Scout who was robbed while selling cookies led police straight to a 12-year-old suspect […]

6-year-old fakes dad's death for Hannah Montana tickets – UPDATED

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Nice lesson to teach your kid. A 6-year-old girl in Garland, Texas entered an essay contest at Club Libby Lu, penning a tear jerker about her father dying in Iraq, in the hopes of winning four tickets to an ultra-sold-out Hannah Montana tickets. Now, we’ve certainly pulled similar boneheaded stunts when we were kids, but […]

10 year old arrested for lunch utensils

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One minute you’re cutting a steak, the next, it lands you with felony charges. C’mon!!! People!!!! Have we lost all common sense? (Again, WTF is with Florida?) I can see taking away a knife, because you shouldn’t have a knife at school, but charges a CHILD with a felony for cutting her steak is ridiculous. […]

Coach leads middle schoolers on vandalism spree

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Are the people we entrust with the care of our children ever given background checks or psychological testing? If not, a federal mandate is in order… MARIETTA, Ga. — A coach faces charges after police said he led a group of students on a lewd Christmas prank in Marietta. Police said John Hayes, 46, loaded […]

Boy Scouts forbidden to collect for the troops in Massachusetts

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The Boy Scouts did the right thing. They asked permission to set up donation boxes to collect money for care packages to send to our troops. Some asshole complained that it was a political message (Really???) and the donation boxes were immediately taken down. Let the karma police bless this stupid town. Big-hearted Boy Scouts […]

Like father, like son…

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Families that drink together, get dumber together. When you hand over designated driving duties to your drunk, 13 year old son, you just might be a redneck. CLIO, Mich. — A police officer checking on a truck that got stuck in the mud at a city park was startled to find a 13-year-old boy behind […]

Doh – 13 year old that fled to Mexico with teacher is illegal alien

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It’s no fun being an illegal alien: LEXINGTON, Neb. — A 13-year-old student with whom a middle school teacher is accused of fleeing to create a romantic life in the boy’s native Mexico may be required to stay there. An illegal immigrant while residing in the United States, 13-year-old Fernando Rodriguez may not be able […]

Humor always helps, but sometimes it gets you fired

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A teacher who showed last years theater release of The Simpsons movie apparently couldn’t stop himself from showing it to elementary school children. (I thought it was funny that the school admonished the film for showing a naked Bart Simpson skateboarding.): NEW HAVEN, Conn. — New Haven school officials have fired a substitute teacher for […]

"Don't taz me bro", baby style

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What kind of a-hole mom uses her baby as a human shield, only to have her newborn tazed in the hand, although not electrocuted. Thank God for small favors. (Must be an Oklahoma thing): An infant was hit in the hand by a Taser fired by a bounty hunter, but apparently not shocked, when the […]

Worlds worst mother…

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Mo-Fo-Crack-Ho. Well, at least she was breastfeeding: Cook was arrested when she offered to perform a sex act on an undercover officer for money, Kilcullen said. While Cook’s children were in the car with her, she performed sex acts on at least two men for money, smoked crack cocaine in the car and even snorted […]

Haggard mom leaves tot alone while she looks for drugs

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Forget giving every baby a $5,000 bond when they’re born as Hillary so obtusely suggested. Why don’t we have nurses check up on babies after they’ve left the hospital to see what kind of conditions they live in and whether or not they’re being cared for? Andrea Rotondo is facing child endangerment charges after police […]

Britney Spears is ordered to hand children over to Fed-Ex

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So, what kind of manic shit storm will the loss of Britney’s children have on her binge drinking and alleged drug habit? Nothings worse than a white trash bitch with nothing left to lose. Anybody feel sorry for her? LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears was ordered Monday to surrender custody of her children to ex-husband […]

Mother uses her toddler daughter to help her steal

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I hope that asking your toddler to steal a purse gets you in more trouble than acting alone. What a slimeball. Not a mother, but a slimeball: SEASIDE HEIGHTS, N.J. (AP) — Police are trying to catch an adult seen on a surveillance videotape using a toddler to steal a purse from a boardwalk arcade […]

Rabid tech at hospital bites toddler

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Hopefully this lab tech will never work with children again. If I were the parents, I might be inclined to take her needle and put it in her eye: INDIANAPOLIS — A former lab technician admitted to investigators she bit an autistic boy during a blood test, saying the 3-year-old had bitten her first, Indianapolis […]

Working Mother Magazine comes out with top 100 list…

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Working Mother magazine recently released their top 100 companies for mothers to work for. Not much fanfare to report, but speaking from experience — don’t fall for it! I have worked for 2 of the companies on the list and they were the absolute WORST companies for mothers to work for. I thought the first […]