FILED IN: Parenting

Granola Is Not The Road To Redemption

It’s Saturday again and you know what that means.?‚? I’m out of flaxseed.?‚? And raw walnuts. And all the other staples that are making up the new healthy eating regimine that is transforming the kitchen, minds, and if it works well, the bodies, of myself and my teenage son.

That being said, I headed ’round the corner to one of the only places conveniently placed near my home, a small health foods market.?‚? I was walking down one of the short aisles toward the frozen foods, when a Healthy Mom, probably in her 30’s, stopped in front of the freezer door.?‚? I was still 15 feet away or more, so I just waited.?‚? She was engrossed in reading ingredients and rattling off things to her kids, two little boys who were behind her, one on the ground and one in the cart.?‚? And while she was decided between wheat-free pizza crust and gluten-free ice cream, all hell broke loose.

The littler boy, probably under 18 months old, in the cart, stood up in the seat…and the older boy, probably three, pushed the cart from the other end.?‚? Picture it, it’s not pretty.

I yelled “YOUR KID IS GOING TO FALL” at the top of my lungs when little boy went backwards over the seat and plopped with a thud, on his back, into the cart.?‚? A couple of inches in any other direction and he could have landed on the ground or hit his head or back on the edge of the cart.


I made my way over to them, to see if she needed help. And do you know what she said, that fucking bitch?

“Maybe it knocked some sense into him.”

Sense? At 15 months? Doesn’t she know that doesn’t kick in until 17 months?

This baby was hysterical.?‚? The store manager came over and asked what happened.?‚? And I told her.?‚? Healthy Mom was none too pleased with me.

Was?‚? HM too embarrassed to coddle and comfort her son? Was she so distraught from the possible catastrophe that she couldn’t say thank you??‚?

I think not.

Then she?‚? was behind me in line with her cart up my ass (you know what I mean) and the older boy was badgering her saying “He’s not being good, is he? He’s not being good?”?‚? “No he’s not,” was her answer.

And know what else she said?

“When we leave here we need to go to church.”

“Just for a half an hour, ok mom?” bigger boy said.?‚?

Now a three or four year old boy can’t determine time frames (we used tv shows as a gauge of time when my son was little. One “Doug” or two “Dougs” and he understood), so this was obviously something he’d heard before.

“Yeah,” Healthy Mom replied, “We just need to show our faces.”

She certainly needs to go to church, but I’m sure she gets nothing out of it.?‚? I’m also sure that hiding her face in shame, if she felt it, would do her body, and soul, more good than a whole cart full of organic groceries.