On a network show about gay parenting and during her fight in Florida over gay adoption, former talk show host, comedian and actress Rosie O’Donnell talked about her and her partner raising their adopted children. When she was asked how the youngest child addresses them, she said their daughter called her partner “Mama” and called her “More Mama”.
One mother, two mothers, three mothers or four — we can never have enough care for our children. One father, two fathers or more — we can never provide too much support. Raised by a grandparent, a brother or an aunt — there is never too much love to go around. One mother and a father, a stepfather and/or a stepmother — there is never too much kindness, stability and loving presence for our children.
If children are our most precious resource (which is repeatedly mouthed by politicians and religious leaders), what difference does it make if their parent(s) and/or those willing to adopt them are gay, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, black, white or brown?
The arguments against adoption by gay or different colored parents become increasingly ludicrous, unsubstantiated and unsupportable.
Everyone who knows or is a gay parent, understands that sexuality has nothing to do with their ability to care for children. Every significant study of children raised by gay or different colored parents over the last two decades has shown there is no difference (other than a slightly safer home environment in lesbian households than in heterosexual ones) in how well-adjusted, successful and happy their children are as adults. Nor is their any significant difference in the percentage of children that become adults and identify themselves as heterosexual or gay, than in those raised in households with a heterosexual mother and father.
Our family has experienced almost every kind of parenting. From a previous marriage I have two amazing children. As a single father I adopted a wonderful son. After re-marrying we became foster parents to an incredible daughter and my wife birthed a beautiful little boy. The only kind of parenting I haven’t experienced is that of being a gay parent and/or a different color than our children, but many friends have had that experience and continue to provide their children the love and support we all need growing up.
I’ll never forget the birth of our friend’s daughter, almost twenty years ago. She was a bright joyous addition to our world and is now a delightful, intelligent young woman, secure in herself and her own sexuality. She grew up with two moms and had as much or more love and opportunity than most.
Another friend adopted a boy and a girl who are both well-adjusted, happy adults who fondly visit their parents and call them both Dad.
Two of our closest friends, who are white, adopted two brown-skinned girls from Viet Nam and have been supporting them and loving them for many years. Both girls are just as happy and well adjusted as black kids in an all black family or brown children in an all brown-skinned household.
Other friends are mixed race couples that have created children of various hues and shades and continue raising them with intense devotion, love and parental protectiveness.
One of my foster sisters adopted an incredible little girl with multiple physical problems as a baby and continues to raise her, and as a single, gay mom is helping her daughter grow into a healthy assured adolescent.
Even though my wife and I both identify our selves as heterosexual, one of my sons and one of our daughters are gay. If either of them chooses to have children they will make wonderful parents, not because of their sexuality or gender, but because they are good, caring, respectful human beings.
Common sense and human decency shows us the advantages of providing permanent safe homes for our children. Being part of a responsible, nurturing family with boundaries, limits and an ongoing container of love are the vital ingredients of a good home, not the color of the parents or guardians skin or their sexual orientation.