FILED IN: Parenting

Makeup and Sex — Whatever Makes You Blush

I have to say, my column this week is inspired by my friend Kristen of Mominatrix fame. This idea came to me while I was doing her radio show in Chicago at Blogher 07. We attempted to relate sex to beauty products, and all we came up with was a skincare tie-in: Semen Face Mask. It’s protein. It’s has an interesting gel-like texture, not unlike many face masks on the market. They put placenta in face masks. Right, Tom Cruise? So, why not semen? Well, how about because it’s just gross?

But that got me thinking about other beauty products with a sexual tie-in. So, I did a little investigating and I came across an ad in Glamour. It’s a picture of a woman and her friends smiling and clapping while a male dancer (stripper) is dancing on a table in front of them in a g-string. The tag line reads, “Whatever makes you blush,” and it’s actually an ad for blush. Clever or just dumb? You can make up your own mind about that one.

I then rounded up the products in my own makeup train case that relate to sex. Some of these products I have used for a long time. Some are new to me. Some are really silly. Others are just downright strange. Here is my list of the best beauty products that have a sexual connotation.

Tom Ford—the former creative director of Gucci has partnered with Estée Lauder to create a line of special-edition beauty items. It’s the “Tom Ford Estée Lauder Collection,” and while I was looking over the website, the way they describe one of the fragrances is… “Now, your skin and your senses are under the influence of Tom Ford.” That is highly eccentric, but I have to say in all honesty that Tom Ford is S-E-X- with a capital S. Pretty much anything he does is hot. He also has a new fragrance out called Black Orchid. Have you seen a picture of this man? So hot. So very, very hot. If he wants to put his name on a lipstick, you can bet I will buy it!

NARS Orgasm Blush ($25)—this blush has been around since forever and is a staple in every makeup artist’s kit. It’s the perfect peachy pink with a hint of gold shimmer to it, and works well on most everyone. It doesn’t necessarily make my skin look the way it does after, well… you know, but it’s still a very pretty shade.

Smashbox O-Glow ($26)—this is another blush, but it’s on the cutting edge of makeup technology at the moment. O-Glow is a gel-based clear substance that when you rub it on your cheeks, changes into the perfect rosy flush. It makes your cheeks look as though you just had a hard-core workout. A little goes a long way, but this might be my favorite new product on the market right now. I actually use it a few times a day.

Urban Decay’s Lip Glosses—this fun, hip company cornered the market on sexual innuendos in relating to their lip products. They have Ultraglide Lip Gloss ($17) which is supposed to, “…enhance your intimate experiences. The love child of lip gloss and lipstick, Ultraglide provides the ultra-slick texture of a deluxe gloss with the semi-opaque color of a lipstick. And to further heighten your pleasure, each shade is laced with a unique flavor.” Wow, that’s quite a bit of extra fun out of my lip gloss! I’m usually just looking for a little shine on my lips! And the fun doesn’t stop there, oh no. They offer XXX Shine Gloss ($16), Lube in a Tube ($11), Commando ($26), Shot-O-Gloss ($15), and the ever popular credit card-sized Feisty Kitten Lip Palette ($10). My poor lips feel a little bit dirty just talking about this stuff!


Have you been BITTEN yet? Sarah Jessica Parker wants to bite you! Well, not really, but she want to take less of a bite out of your wallet by coming out with her new high fashion/low price line. It’s masstige (prestige clothing for the masses at really cheap prices). I happened upon a Steve and Barry Store, where her line is sold exclusively to check out it out and was very excited. The staple of the line are the jeans. I got a pair of her Premium Straight Leg Jeans (14.95). They have a hint of stretch too, thank goodness, for those of us who have had a couple of babies and whose bodies just don’t like being in a pair of jeans without that give. I have to say that I like them. They are quite cute! Thank you, Sarah Jessica, for thinking of all us little people on a budget! So, I am sharing my good fortune with you, the reader. Enter here with your name and email address, and I will put you in a drawing to win a BITTEN T-shirt! I bought five of them, and I’ll let you pick which one you want! Don’t ya just love giveaways?!