Category Archives: Child Behavior

First Grader Inquires Specifically about Bathroom Wall Language

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When my First Grader Inquires about Specific Bathroom Wall Language

  I’m not a prude about bad language. Not since third grade, anyway. But still I worry that if my kids learn about swearing, they’ll do it indiscriminately—pepper their conversations with “sh-ts” and “f*cks” and yell inappropriate phrases in the supermarket or at the park where littler kids (and their mothers) will hear. So I […]

Play-Doh’s Untimely Death: Phallic Creations with Play-Doh

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We are gathered here today, to share our fond memories of Play-Doh and bid it a final farewell. Play-Doh has always been an integral part of our family’s home life. We spent many carefree days, sitting around the table, employing our dear Play-Doh in the art of mess-free sibling bonding. Our kids would spend hours, yes […]

Yes, My Kids Always Get Sent to the Principal’s Office

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I’ve lost sleep for many nights now, waking up in the middle of the night, worried about the future of my teenage sons. Over the years, they have both had challenges with school, sometimes alternately, sometimes simultaneously, adding numerous grey hairs under my “natural” brown hair. After the 16-year-old leaves for school and I drop […]

I’m Always Yelling at My Kids

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In my twenties, there were days – maybe weeks — that went by where I never spoke much or even raised my voice. I had the comforting presence of a twelve-year-old girl walking quietly to church to sing in the choir. Now I am this: DON’T TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF! DON’T HOLD THE CAT BY […]

Teach Your Kids to Swear!

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You know how good it feels to let out a resounding @#%$! Why should little Junior or Janie go without such relief? Swearing is fun, and it’s good for you! Health benefits include increased circulation, elevated endorphins, and an overall sense of well being. Plus, there are no nasty side effects! Much of the problem […]

When My Boys Found a Frog, I Knew Its Death Was Imminent

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With boys, it is inevitable that on any given day, your house will become a museum for the many life forms that have been captured. I have tried to implement the rule that unless pre-approved, no creature is allowed into the sanctuary of our house. Of course, I unfortunately left the loophole that outside the […]

Moms Need to Learn How to Just Say No

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The request was simple. My 9-year-old daughter wanted the latest toy and asked if I would buy it. After a few minutes of consideration, I launched into the answer. “Sweetheart, it’s really not a good idea. You’ll see – everyone wants one now, but in a few weeks it will be something else.” I predicted […]

The Day My Teenage Son Ran Away

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6 a.m. on Saturday morning is not my favorite time of day. O.K. — 6 a.m. on any morning is not my favorite time of day, but particularly on Saturday because I think I should be allowed to sleep more. My husband, John, however, always wakes up that early and it was his loud voice […]

I Think My Neighbor’s Kid Is a Legit Psychopath

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Not exactly how you want to start out a conversation with your neighbors, is it? But I’m going to have to figure out some way to explain to them why I won’t allow my daughter to play with their five kids any more. Really, it’s just the one, the four-year-old boy. We’ll call him Damien, […]

The Tale of the Threat that had Real Consequences

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The problem with being a parent today is that there is nothing good we can threaten our children with. My mother used to promise to break arms when my brothers and I treaded dangerously close to the edge of Hell-To-Pay Canyon. But what was only a warning back when we were kids could get a […]