Why You Should Never Make Box Macaroni & Cheese Again: A Manifesto

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By Kim Foster

July 28, 2008

I think there is nothing more evil than a box of macaroni and cheese.

That’s right. I said it. Pure evil.

I think that every time you open your kitchen cupboard, the box of mac and cheese is laughing maniacally and mocking you. Wha ha ha ha. That’s what it says. Wha ha ha ha. Just like that.

And I’m not just referring to the nuclear-orange colored Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner that we grew up with. Oh no, I’m talking Annie’s Homegrown, too. They are both serpents in beautifully designed packaging. If the boxes had heads, they would spin around and around, as if possessed by a wicked, pus-spitting, three-headed, gibberish-speaking demon.

Not that I’m exaggerating or anything.

I say this because if you have a box of the mac and cheese sitting in your cabinet and your kid knows it’s there, you could feed them pizza topped with M&M’s and jelly beans every night of the week and they would still turn up their nose and ask for the box. If they know it’s there, a possibility that they might be able to have a potential substitute for whatever you have on the plate, they’ll opt for the box stuff. And unless you are strong – imbued with demon fighting super-powers – you’ll probably cave.

The box messes with your mind. Wha ha ha…

You think, “Okay, so Freddy didn’t eat his broccoli and fish. This sucks. My child might be malnourished. I see him losing weight and brain cells as we speak. Is that a rib sticking out? No, just his finger. Whew. He needs to eat something. I must get food into him. I know… Freddy doesn’t have to eat the fish and broccoli. I’ll whip up some Annie’s organic instead. I mean, how bad can it be? It’s organic. It’s quick. Oh thank the Lord, he’s eating. God, he’s licking the bowl. Vitamins, minerals. I think his brain cells are rejuvenating. This mac and cheese thing rocks. God, I’m a problem solver. Someone give me a medal. Now, where’s my beer?”

Meanwhile, Freddy is thinking he dodged a bullet because he didn’t have to eat the broccoli. He makes a note to himself to feign hunger pains, or maybe cholera, the next time you make a dinner he doesn’t love. Freddy knows the box is always there waiting for him. And more importantly, he knows you’re weak.

Wha ha ha…

Okay, I’ll stop doing that now.

So, for these reasons, I refuse to have the box mac and cheese in my house. I’m cool if the kids eat it at a friend’s house, but if you bring it over my doorstep, like, because your kid might not eat whatever I’m cooking and you want to make sure they don’t keel over from malnourishment, I’ll make you leave it in the hall closet. Your kid could get the cholera at my house. And don’t’ get me wrong, I’m not one of those Moms who have kids who have never seen the inside of a McDonald's. Believe me, my scruples are few. I’ll let my kids sit in front of Princess movies until their occipital lobe starts to fall off the back of their heads, but I draw the line at box mac and cheese. Even a floozy has to have a few standards.

And I’d like to bring you into the light, so stay with me as I regale you with facts about the box:

Both Kraft and Annie’s have basically the same ingredients: pasta, cheese, milk and salt. Annie’s has 9 ingredients, Kraft has 20 and most of those are replacing additives lost in processing. The real difference is that Annie’s doesn’t have yellow dyes number 5 and number 6. Annie’s doesn’t have that same bright, attractive, neon cheese color either. So there you go.
In terms of nutrition, they are, surprisingly, equals. They have nearly equal numbers of calories, sodium, protein, fiber but Annie’s has more than double the saturated fat. And yes, Annie’s is organic and this counts for something, but the “natural” line is not organic, just, um, “natural”, whatever that freakin’ means. You must come to grips with the reality, people – Annie’s is barely more nutritious than it’s day-glo counterpart.
I know I know, You’re reading this and thinking, “Hey Kim, it’s not cassoulet with duck confit or anything but come on, I’m busy and little Freddy needs to eat. The box is quick and easy!” To this I say, “Cooking a cheesy pasta dish from scratch is exactly the same process as using the box.” Really. The same. Here goes: (1) Boil water, (2) put pasta into water, (3) cook pasta, (4) drain pasta, (5) add milk, butter and cheese (6) serve to Freddy. See? The same.

And to prove it, I am including a simple pasta dish here that you can make in lieu of the box. And once you get the hang of it, you can add other ingredients and play with the concept a bit. Just know, that by never introducing the demon box, you are doing yourself a big favor – you are helping your kid be adventurous by eating without a net.

xxoo YM

Cheesy Pasta with Warm Tomatoes and Basil

Makes 2 to 4 servings

1 1-pound box pasta* (Change it up. Use whatever pasta your family loves)
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

A half stick of butter
1 pint grape or cherry tomatoes
Salt and pepper to taste
2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced (Use the chopped stuff to keep your time down)
2 handfuls of torn fresh basil leaves
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan (Use the shredded stuff to save even more time)

Cook the pasta according to the package directions. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the tomatoes and cook until they burst and release their juices, about 5 minutes. Season with the salt and pepper, then add the garlic. Reduce heat to medium-low and continue to cook, stirring occasionally, until the pasta is done. Drain pasta, but save a cup or so of pasta water and set aside. Put desired amount of pasta in pan with the tomatoes and stir all the goodness together. Add another lump of butter, the basil and add a bit of the reserved pasta water if you need more liquid to coat the pasta. Turn off heat. Add a handful or two of Parmesan. Sprinkle with a bit more basil. Serve to Freddy.

*I cook the whole box of pasta even if I know I won’t use it. I save the leftover cooked pasta in the fridge in a covered bowl or zip lock bag and use it the next day for lunch. Since the pasta is already cooked, all I need to do is throw it in a sauté pan with my ingredients and I have another fresh pasta dish in minutes.

Kim Foster ghostwrites books and articles. Her work on behalf of clients has appeared in such publications as the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, New York Post, Inc Magazine and Private Equity International. Kim’s food writing has apeared in Food and Beverage International (where she was a regular columnist), Pastry Art, and Design, Quest and Chocolatier magazines. Kim also writes the popular food, parenting, humor blog, The Yummy Mummy Cooks Gourmet. She lives in New York City with her husband, David and two children, Lucy and Edie.

12 Responses to "Why You Should Never Make Box Macaroni & Cheese Again: A Manifesto"

1. Nicole

Jul 28, 2008 14:13

Oh I am so with you there... I kept caving, and have served kraft (the only one my husband will eat), TJs, annies, whole wheat (what I grew up on), and TJs three cheese frozen stuff (yum!!!). So I started making my own, and they scoffed, and said it was awful, and please buy spongebob next time, but they ate it. And I nodded and said sure, knowing I'm the only one who ever goes to the grocery.

2. The Yummy Mummy

Jul 29, 2008 09:03

Yeah, I hear you, Nicole.

That's the very reason I never introduced the box because I suspected, and you just confirmed, that once it's around, they'll turn their nose up at everything else you put on the table.

You almost have to banish the box from your doorstep, otherwise it will be a guest for life. This is exactly why it's evil.

Thanks Nicole!

Kim

3. Margaret Hastings

Aug 02, 2008 09:46

Thank God that at least some mothers have taken a stand against Kraft's neon colored bits of styrofoam that they try to pass off as pasta. If it is not eaten within five minutes after it leaves the pan, it turns to plastic and even my dog won't eat it.

4. ntsc

Aug 02, 2008 15:59

It was never allowed in my house.

Of course this is because my wife doesn't like the box and I don't like mac and cheese.

I did have some that was pretty good in June, resturant made so I think my wife will be trying that again. Seemed to have been finished in a broiler, nice crust.

5. RaeAnne

Aug 03, 2008 03:37

Lies, all lies!!

Annies makes MEXICAN flavor. And it TASTES better. AND they suggest using YOGURT. So there.

I'm still not feeding it to my kids, but it IS different. ;)

6. Petula

Aug 04, 2008 17:03

You are funny! I loved reading this post. And, I agree. OMG, can't believe I said that. No, I sometimes have that dreaded box waiting, but not that often and my kids don't know when it's there or not.

You're permanently damaged me though... as I walk down the grocery aisles past the mac and cheese boxes I'll hear ma ha ha ha! Oh my! LOL! Thank you very much I will always make my own from now on.

7. Sonia

Aug 04, 2008 23:31

So funny! I have at least three boxes of Annies in the cupboard, but I've been thinking about where my grocery money goes, and I've realized it's funneled into all these stupid little boxes of nothing. I mean, I usually add real cheddar to the "sauce" mix at the end anyway, so what am I really paying Annie's for? A small scoop of cheap macaroni? I'm done. But my son isn't addicted (I usually have to hound him to just EAT SOME mac & cheese before he leaves the table) so I'll use up what I've got and then I'm DONE with the mac & cheese mentality. You've set me FREE!

8. SpiderLizz

Aug 18, 2008 23:07

Hmm. I actually loved this post! The first thing I have ever read here. And so delightful! I'm not a big fan of boxed foods, period. But when I do cook with any of them, I add a great big handful of fresh broccoli or some other yummy veggie. My son is only nearly 2, and he hates plain mac and cheese anyway. He loves his veggies. Luck, lucky me!!
I just might buy Rice A Roni every now and then. That's it. The big bulk of my boxed meals. I rather eat Ramen Noodle or Cup of Soup than the other nasty stuff.

9. The Yummy Mummy

Aug 19, 2008 08:21

Thanks SpiderLizz - Your comment is so appreciated.

But you get waaaaaaaaaay more credit than that! You're not lucky he loves veg. You created an environment that helped him enjoy good food and that's why he likes vegetables.

These things aren't random, I believe. I think many times we help or get in the way of good eating. Sounds like whatever you're doing is working like gangbusters (except when he wants to piss you off or rebel and then, the broccoli is going right out the window, but that's life and that's okay too)

Thanks again!

Kim

10. Nurit Asnash

Sep 08, 2008 12:13

I’m glad I came upon this article. I was just about to go out today and buy the first mac and cheese box to enter my house.
I cook a fresh home-made dinner almost every night. I’m an excellent cook but my son, 5 years old, obviously takes good food for granted and it just pisses me off when he is looking at the food I cooked and says “I don’t like it” without even trying it. I don’t like arguing with him about food and telling him what and how much to eat. I think eating should be a fun thing. I want to believe that by showing him our appreciation and adventurous approach to food he will learn something good.
He is a good eater overall, but lately he is turning his nose on food he usually likes and I don’t even try to please him anymore. So, I planned revenge – giving him mac and cheese EVERYNIGHT while we have great food. Just put the mac on his plate without saying a word, night after night, until he begs to eat the food that we eat. What do you think, am I going to lose in this battle???

11. Random Raccoon

Jan 14, 2009 20:11

I love Kraft mac'n'cheese! It's all I have in my cupboard. Sometimes I'll add a can of tuna to shake things up a bit! Kraft mac'n'cheese FOREVER!

12. Sparkina

Mar 07, 2010 00:33

Oooh, Nurit Asnash, that sounds like that book BREAD AND JAM FOR FRANCES

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