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WWLD?, Barbie Luvs Spongebob, Superman Talking Dress Up, Home Depot Weed Trimmer |
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 What Would Lizzie Do? Gameby Milton Bradley -- $14.99 Sure, we've heard of "What Would Jesus Do?", and the myriad of products it has inspired, but forget WWJD -- we want to know what would Lizzie do? This game let's you try to guess the solutions to sticky situations that would most accurately match what middle-aged men would write in a screenplay for a fictional pre-teen girl! It also poses the intriguing challenge, "Can you get inside Lizzie's head?" We think all you'll find in there are boys and cotton candy lip glitter.  Barbie Loves Surfer SpongeBobby Mattel -- $16.99 With the most bizarre cross-promotion since Tony Hawk's Xtreme Care Bear, comes Barbie Loves Surfer SpongeBob. We know that Barbie is still reeling from her bad breakup with Ken earlier this year, but has she really sunk this low to date a moronic sponge? And just so Bob L'sponge doesn't get lonely when Barbie goes out with her "friends", never fear, there's also Barbie Loves Patrick from Spongebob! Of course, the downside is that now you have two Barbies dressed in tacky beachwear, and one jealous bottom-dweller. But hey, you've got Patrick!  Superman Talking Dress Up Setby Thinkway -- $19.99 Long gone are the days of poorly knotted blankets and white t-shirts with an "S" drawn on them. Behold the arrival of the Superman Talking Dress Up Set! Yes, that's right, it talks. No longer does your child have to be burdened with thinking up dialogue at playtime. No more parched throats from overly emoting! We hear Stephen Hawking owns two of these. Coming soon, the Superman Animatronic Dress Up -- all of your child's muscle movements will be controlled by electrodes strategically placed on their body. Conductive gel not included.  Home Depot Weed Trimmerby Toys 'R Us -- $19.99 No longer does junior have to be excluded from the back breaking yard work. Look at me, daddy, I'm trimming weeds! Welcome to the mind-numbingly dull part of lawn care, son! And think of the added benefits of building up their immune systems early by exposing them to all those allergens. A lawnmower that blows bubbles we understand. The toy chainsaw that makes lots of noise we understand. We'll even allow them the Home Depot Leaf Blower, as that could come in use creating a desert windstorm in the sandbox. But come on, a weed trimmer?!? Although, in its defense, one enthusiastic mom on toysrus.com opined that her son loves his so much he even sleeps with it. Freak. |
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"Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways." -- Samuel McChord Crothers
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