Dumbass Awards

A birthday party turned into a “birthday melee” (sweet) when a mom decided to put the beat down on another mom whose kid wouldn’t share a video game. Hilarity ensued.

A child’s birthday party at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in Massachusetts was cut short when a fight broke out between two mothers.

The mother of the 9-year-old birthday boy apparently became enraged because the other woman’s son was “hogging” an arcade game, Natick, Mass., police said.

Catherine Aliaga, 38, and Tarsha Williams, 33, both of Boston, will be summoned into court to answer charges of simple assault and battery stemming from the scuffle, Sgt. Paul Thompson said.

Thompson told the MetroWest Daily News that police received a number of 911 calls about the fight Saturday night.

Congratulations, Lisa Schuchard, of Omaha, Nebraska, you’re our Douche of the Day™! Not only do you seem to wake and bake on a regular basis while taking care of your kid, but you also taught your daughter how to smoke pot. The little detail that clinched your award? Your child is only 4 years old!

Police say a 4-year-old girl demonstrated to them how to smoke marijuana from a joint, a pipe and a bong — and learned the techniques from her mother.

The mother, 25-year-old Lisa Schuchard, is charged with child abuse and could lose her daughter after being accused of teaching and encouraging the girl to smoke.

Her attorney, Douglas County Assistant Public Defender Doug Johnson, said he would not comment because he hadn’t talked to Schuchard in depth.

Authorities say Child Protective Services received a complaint that the 4-year-old and a 2-year-old son of Schuchard were dirty and living in a filthy home that had drug paraphernalia around.

Once again, give a big round of applause to Lisa Schuchard, Minor Topics’ Douche of the Day™!

This is why drugs, alcohol and hillbillies don’t mix…

CAMPBELLSBURG, Ky. — A man who police said passed out intoxicated on top of his grandson has been charged with reckless homicide in the boy’s death.

Donna Marie Cull, the child’s grandmother, said when 2-month-old Xavian Cull was born, he spent 11 days in the NICU with a heart valve defect. He had two blood transfusions and survived.

Cull and her husband, David Cull, had custody of Xavian and his 5-year-old half-sister.

Congratulations, Larry Patterson of Orlando, Florida, you’re our Douche of the Day™! You would not be douche award worthy if you were only driving around with your kid in a stolen vehicle. No, you excelled by then getting into a high speed chase with police, crashing the car, then running off leaving your baby in the backseat! And then, to make you the clear cut winner, the infant wasn’t even strapped in properly!

Orlando Police attempted to pull over Larry Patterson in downtown Orlando Wednesday night. But as they did so, Patterson sped away, running a red light and crashing into another car.

After the accident, Patterson left his car and ran away on foot. Police discovered Patterson’s infant daughter near the car’s back windshield, where she had landed after the accident propelled her out of her car seat.

The baby’s injuries are not life-threatening. Police report her mother came to the scene shortly afterward to be with her child.

Larry Patterson, ladies and gentlemen, Minor Topics’ Douche of the Day™!

Note to self: Do not hire Joshua White to babysit.

DECATUR, Ga. — Police have arrested a man after the boy he was watching apparently shot himself by accident.

Joshua White was baby-sitting his girlfriend’s 3-year-old son Monday and called 911 after the boy was wounded, DeKalb County police spokesman J.T. Ware said.

The boy was shot above the eye but is expected to survive, Ware said. Police believe the boy shot himself using White’s gun, Ware said.

Police believe a mother was too ashamed to own up to mistake but given that she already had warrants for her arrest, Minor Topics isn’t so quick to buy it.

ST. LOUIS — Police still want to know why a 3-year-old boy was left alone at a suburban St. Louis shopping mall over the weekend. But by Monday, the child’s mother was still refusing to show up and talk with officers.

The boy was discovered by employees around 8:30 p.m. Saturday at NASCAR SpeedPark in the St. Louis Mills mall in Hazelwood, not long before the mall was to close. Mall security searched the area, seeking a parent or guardian but couldn’t locate one. They notified Hazelwood police around 9:15 p.m.

Wait, is this 2008 or 1958? A manager at an Abercrombie & Fitch store in Virginia Beach, Virginia has been issued an obscenity citation for poisoning the minds of poor, innocent Virginia teenagers. The cops sprung into action when they received complaints about two large ads in the store — one that showed about an inch of ass crack peeking out from the top of a man’s jeans, and another that featured a woman displaying a bit of side boob. Shocking! And probably showing less than you would see down at the city’s namesake ocean front.

City code makes it a crime to display “obscene materials in a business that is open to juveniles,” Bernstein said.

Bernstein said police charged the manager because there is no legal way to issue a summons to a corporate entity in such circumstances. If convicted, the manager faces a fine of up to $2,000 and as much as a year in jail.

The manager declined to comment, saying that he was waiting for guidance from corporate officials at the New Albany, Ohio-based retailer. A telephone message left for an Abercrombie spokeswoman Sunday night was not immediately returned.

We’ve all periodically read stories about a mom leaving her kids home alone while she goes off for the weekend with her boyfriend or whatever, but this must set some sort of record. A Houston mom apparently decided that her 16-year-old was old enough to babysit her other five children, ranging in age from 1 to 15, so she left on a little jaunt — FOR A MONTH TO NIGERIA. What, was she following up on one of those lottery winning emails?

When she left for Nigeria on Dec. 31, [Shanell Monique] Mosley told her 15-year-old daughter she would return in a month, child welfare officials said.

Prosecutor John Jordan said Mosley’s six children, now in foster homes, were starving and her older children couldn’t recall their own birth dates.

Mosley’s children are ages 1, 7, 8, 9, 15 and 16, Jordan said. The other two children found in the home were 3- and 4-year-olds the family cared for on behalf of a single father who worked, Jordan said.

The 9-year-old son told authorities he and the baby ate a still-frozen pizza for breakfast the morning they were discovered home alone. There were no diapers, baby food or formula for the infant, no sheets on beds and fruit was rotting in a basket, Jordan said.

And who was this dad that dropped his kids off at this daycare from hell? He didn’t notice something was a bit off? “Oh, well, got to go to work!”

Mosley was arrested when she returned this past Monday and charged with child endangerment and child abandonment.

Wow, this guy must have one giant set of balls. Tomas Delgado, a businessman in Spain, was doing nearly 100 m.p.h. in a 55 m.p.h. zone when he struck and killed Enaitz Iriondo, 17, who cycled in front of Delgado’s path. It was after dark, and since Iriondo wasn’t wearing reflective clothing or a helmet, Delgado escaped any sort of jail time when the judge ruled both parties at fault. But while most would count their blessings and try to move on with their life, this douche decides to sue the dead boy’s parents for the damage to his car:

Delgado, whose insurance company paid Iriondo’s parents $48,500 in compensation for their son’s life, filed a suit in late 2006 to recover $29,400 in damages to his car and car rental costs, the ministry traffic report said.

“It’s the only way I have to claim my money back,” Delgado was quoted as saying by the newspaper El Pais, which first reported the story on Friday. El Pais said a ruling was expected next week.

Iriondo’s parents were shocked.

“It’s the final straw, a stab in the back,” Iriondo’s mother, Rosa Trinidad said, according to El Pais. “Before the lawsuit we thought the poor guy would find it hard to live the rest of his life with the thought of having caused our son’s death.

A behavior teacher perpetuating the stereo-type that those who can’t — teach, was wrestling with a middle school student and proceeded to break the student’s finger as the teacher called for submission. The principal is citing horse play while the parents are implying a lawsuit.

CLOVERDALE, Ind. — A Cloverdale Middle School anger-management teacher resigned after he broke a student’s finger during what began as horseplay, school officials said.

Scott Porter recently broke an index finger of Jordan Mundy (pictured) as they were wrestling each other during an anger-management class, Jordan and the school’s principal said.

A girl scout was robbed during a cookie sale, by one of her customers. Lucky for her, the suspect wrote down her name and address on the order form so that police could arrest her quickly.

SAVANNAH, Ga. — A Girl Scout who was robbed while selling cookies led police straight to a 12-year-old suspect — who wrote her name and address on a cookie order form before the theft.

The Girl Scout, 10-year-old Nicole Grant, told police she was selling cookies with a friend Sunday when a girl ordered cookies from her, then snatched Nicole’s zip-top bag, containing $28 in cookie money, and fled on a bicycle.

“She’s still a little shook up, but she’s fine,” said Chris Grant, the Girl Scout’s father.

Nice lesson to teach your kid. A 6-year-old girl in Garland, Texas entered an essay contest at Club Libby Lu, penning a tear jerker about her father dying in Iraq, in the hopes of winning four tickets to an ultra-sold-out Hannah Montana tickets. Now, we’ve certainly pulled similar boneheaded stunts when we were kids, but the bad part of this tale was that the girl’s mother was in on it:

The mother had told company officials that the girl’s father died April 17 in a roadside bombing in Iraq, company spokeswoman Robyn Caulfield said.

“We did the essay and that’s what we did to win,” Priscilla Ceballos, the mother, said in an interview with Dallas TV station KDFW. “We did whatever we could do to win.”

She had identified the soldier as Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, but the Department of Defense has no record of anyone with that name dying in Iraq. Caulfield said the mother has admitted to the deception.

Club Libby Lu is apparently mulling over whether or not to take away her tickets. What’s there to think about? They need to rip the tickets right out of her hands, give them to a more deserving kid right in front of her face and send her home crying to her mommy.

UPDATE: Club Libby Lu has decided to take away the tickets from Ceballos’ daughter — YOINK!

One minute you’re cutting a steak, the next, it lands you with felony charges.

C’mon!!! People!!!!

Have we lost all common sense?

(Again, WTF is with Florida?)

I can see taking away a knife, because you shouldn’t have a knife at school, but charges a CHILD with a felony for cutting her steak is ridiculous.

OCALA, Fla. — A 10-year old Ocala girl brought her lunch to school and a small kitchen knife to cut it. She now faces a felony charge after being arrested. The school and the sheriff’s office disagree on the reason for the arrest.

School officials say the 5th grader was brown-bagging it. She brought a piece of steak for her lunch, but she also brought a steak knife. That’s when deputies were called.

It happened in the cafeteria at Sunrise Elementary School. The 10-year-old used the knife to cut the meat.

Are the people we entrust with the care of our children ever given background checks or psychological testing?

If not, a federal mandate is in order…

MARIETTA, Ga. — A coach faces charges after police said he led a group of students on a lewd Christmas prank in Marietta.

Police said John Hayes, 46, loaded several middle schoolers into the back of his pickup truck, and drove them around after dark as they damaged Christmas displays.

The group even made several homeowners’ displays X-rated, police said, including placing reindeer in sexual positions.

The Boy Scouts did the right thing. They asked permission to set up donation boxes to collect money for care packages to send to our troops. Some asshole complained that it was a political message (Really???) and the donation boxes were immediately taken down.

Let the karma police bless this stupid town.

Big-hearted Boy Scouts collecting donations for care packages for U.S. troops are still scratching their heads after being sent packing from polling stations when Cambridge officials ruled their generous effort “political.”

“We just wanted to make a lot of troops happy,” said Scout Patrick O’Connor, 16. “I was devastated that someone would think to take (the donation boxes) out,” he said.

O’Connor of West Cambridge was one of the Scouts who wanted to collect toiletries, magazines, candy and other items for care packages after one of his relatives was injured in an IED explosion while serving in Iraq.