Dumbass Awards

And who says we have an overly litigious society? Pshaw.

A Mahopac mom filed a $100 claim against Norwalk, saying her family outing was ruined when her toddler stepped in dog poop.

Kelly DeBrocky said she had to throw out her toddler’s soiled shoes after the 1-year-old boy stepped in dog feces outside the city-owned Maritime Garage, ruining her family’s visit to the nearby Maritime Aquarium.

M. Jeffry Spahr, the attorney for the city of Norwalk, said the official response is that her claim is denied and in his words, “poop happens.”

ZING!

Hey, kids, here’s a tip from your pals at MT — if you’re thirsty and your mama’s a dumbass crack whore, better just go get some water out of the faucet.

A 3-year-old girl was hospitalized, and her mother and a friend were arrested Sunday, after the girl drank from a bottle that contained GHB, commonly known as the date-rape drug.

Hospital officials in Chula Vista notified police just after 1 p.m. that the girl was suffering from a drug overdose, National City police Assistant Chief Manuel Rodriguez said yesterday.

The girl’s mother told police that she had been at a friend’s house on Wilson Avenue near 20th Street and was smoking drugs when her daughter became thirsty and asked for some water, Rodriguez said.

The friend handed the mother a bottle of clear liquid, which was given to the girl. The child soon began to vomit and lose consciousness, Rodriguez said.

A couple in Southampton, New York are being charged with child endangerment for leaving their 2-month-old in the car while they went into an OTB to watch the Kentucky Derby. And the brainiac mom can’t figure out that she did anything wrong:

Krystal Rose Downes, later told officers she thought her infant was safe enough because the car’s heat was on. She said she hadn’t endangered the baby “because after all, she didn’t leave the baby out in the cold,” and “she made sure she left the vehicle running so the heat could be kept on,” police told Newsday newspaper.

A “mother” (and we use the term loosely here) shot her 8 year old daughter in the leg in order to win a buck after being dared by her boyfriend that she wouldn’t do it. The mother happily obliged after drinking a 6-pack or more, and shot her daughter in the leg with a BB gun.

Might she possibly be one of the worst “mothers” ever?

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. - A 28-year-old woman shot her 8-year-old daughter in the thigh with a BB gun to win a $1 bet with her boyfriend, according to authorities.

Angelique R. Vandeburg was charged with one felony count of intentional child abuse. She made an initial court appearance Friday and was released on a $5,000 signature bond.

The girl told police the shot hurt so much that she couldn’t walk, according to a criminal complaint.

What we don’t get when we hear these kinds of stories, is why the parents thought that nobody would notice a small child alone in a car while you shop at the mall. And on top of it, these knuckleheads didn’t even bother to lock the doors!

Authorities say the boy’s mother, 20-year-old Mauriel Mercado, and her boyfriend, 22-year-old Derek Garcia, left the toddler Friday evening outside the Arden Fair Mall.

Mall security officials say the toddler was spotted by passers-by after he set off the car alarm. One mall customer retrieved the toddler from the unlocked car.

Steve Reed, head of security at the mall, says the car’s windows were up and the child was sweating and looked frightened.

Maybe these 2 need some sweaty, frightening solitary confinement so they’ll know how the kid felt.

OK, we realize there were perhaps extenuating circumstances, but here’s our parenting tip of the day: it’s usually not a good idea to leave your children alone in a car by the side of the road.

An infant and a 1-year-old were left alone in a car Wednesday morning when their mother went to get gas, Fort Worth police said.

Latesha Cummings, 20, of Fort Worth, left her children in the car around 8 a.m. when she ran out of gas in the 1400 block of Bridgewood Drive, police said.

Witnesses called police who arrived to find the 1-month old strapped in a car seat and the toddler standing on the front seat playing with the steering wheel, Fort Worth police Lt. Paul Henderson said.

What a bunch of hose-heads….

COMMERCE CITY, Colo. — A couple fighting about which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join caused a public disturbance that resulted in the father’s arrest, Commerce City police said Thursday.

On Saturday, Joseph Manzanares stormed into the Hollywood Video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays and even a computer, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval said.

After he ran out of the store, police were called and the 19-year-old was arrested at his home.

His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to.

I would hesitate to suggest that Granny was actually babysitting or watching the tots as one of them (or several of them), ages 1 - 4, were allowed enough unsupervised time to stick aerosol cans in an oven which exploded.

Where was Granny???

Unfortunatley, Granny did get hurt during the explosion.

Pompano Beach - A 54-year-old grandmother was hospitalized after the children she was babysitting put aerosol spray cans into an oven, causing the appliance to explode and burn her, authorities said Monday.

The explosion happened Saturday in an apartment in the 100 block of Southwest 8th Street about 7:25 p.m., Pompano Beach city spokeswoman Sandra King said. The woman was babysitting five children, ages 1 to 4. Three of them were her grandchildren. One of the children put two aerosol spray cans into the oven, King said..

You know, when we were 14 we took our dad’s car out for a little joy ride while he and our mom were working late hours. Little did we know that the gas gauge was broken, and we ran out of gas on the side of the highway. Boy, was *that* ever an awkward phone call. Moral of the story, kids, nothing good comes from messing around with a car before you get your license.

An 11-year-old girl is in some hot water [Ed. note: was the pool heated?] after she sent her grandmother’s car plunging into a swimming pool at Kingston Village apartments in southwest Shreveport.

Margaret Gober said she was in her apartment when she heard a commotion outside. Her grandson screamed, Gober went to the door and saw her car in the pool, with her granddaughter Dineshia inside.

The girl can’t swim so her grandmother and an apartment complex employee helped her to safety. No injuries were reported.

A birthday party turned into a “birthday melee” (sweet) when a mom decided to put the beat down on another mom whose kid wouldn’t share a video game. Hilarity ensued.

A child’s birthday party at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in Massachusetts was cut short when a fight broke out between two mothers.

The mother of the 9-year-old birthday boy apparently became enraged because the other woman’s son was “hogging” an arcade game, Natick, Mass., police said.

Catherine Aliaga, 38, and Tarsha Williams, 33, both of Boston, will be summoned into court to answer charges of simple assault and battery stemming from the scuffle, Sgt. Paul Thompson said.

Thompson told the MetroWest Daily News that police received a number of 911 calls about the fight Saturday night.

Congratulations, Lisa Schuchard, of Omaha, Nebraska, you’re our Douche of the Day™! Not only do you seem to wake and bake on a regular basis while taking care of your kid, but you also taught your daughter how to smoke pot. The little detail that clinched your award? Your child is only 4 years old!

Police say a 4-year-old girl demonstrated to them how to smoke marijuana from a joint, a pipe and a bong — and learned the techniques from her mother.

The mother, 25-year-old Lisa Schuchard, is charged with child abuse and could lose her daughter after being accused of teaching and encouraging the girl to smoke.

Her attorney, Douglas County Assistant Public Defender Doug Johnson, said he would not comment because he hadn’t talked to Schuchard in depth.

Authorities say Child Protective Services received a complaint that the 4-year-old and a 2-year-old son of Schuchard were dirty and living in a filthy home that had drug paraphernalia around.

Once again, give a big round of applause to Lisa Schuchard, Minor Topics’ Douche of the Day™!

This is why drugs, alcohol and hillbillies don’t mix…

CAMPBELLSBURG, Ky. — A man who police said passed out intoxicated on top of his grandson has been charged with reckless homicide in the boy’s death.

Donna Marie Cull, the child’s grandmother, said when 2-month-old Xavian Cull was born, he spent 11 days in the NICU with a heart valve defect. He had two blood transfusions and survived.

Cull and her husband, David Cull, had custody of Xavian and his 5-year-old half-sister.

Congratulations, Larry Patterson of Orlando, Florida, you’re our Douche of the Day™! You would not be douche award worthy if you were only driving around with your kid in a stolen vehicle. No, you excelled by then getting into a high speed chase with police, crashing the car, then running off leaving your baby in the backseat! And then, to make you the clear cut winner, the infant wasn’t even strapped in properly!

Orlando Police attempted to pull over Larry Patterson in downtown Orlando Wednesday night. But as they did so, Patterson sped away, running a red light and crashing into another car.

After the accident, Patterson left his car and ran away on foot. Police discovered Patterson’s infant daughter near the car’s back windshield, where she had landed after the accident propelled her out of her car seat.

The baby’s injuries are not life-threatening. Police report her mother came to the scene shortly afterward to be with her child.

Larry Patterson, ladies and gentlemen, Minor Topics’ Douche of the Day™!

Note to self: Do not hire Joshua White to babysit.

DECATUR, Ga. — Police have arrested a man after the boy he was watching apparently shot himself by accident.

Joshua White was baby-sitting his girlfriend’s 3-year-old son Monday and called 911 after the boy was wounded, DeKalb County police spokesman J.T. Ware said.

The boy was shot above the eye but is expected to survive, Ware said. Police believe the boy shot himself using White’s gun, Ware said.

Police believe a mother was too ashamed to own up to mistake but given that she already had warrants for her arrest, Minor Topics isn’t so quick to buy it.

ST. LOUIS — Police still want to know why a 3-year-old boy was left alone at a suburban St. Louis shopping mall over the weekend. But by Monday, the child’s mother was still refusing to show up and talk with officers.

The boy was discovered by employees around 8:30 p.m. Saturday at NASCAR SpeedPark in the St. Louis Mills mall in Hazelwood, not long before the mall was to close. Mall security searched the area, seeking a parent or guardian but couldn’t locate one. They notified Hazelwood police around 9:15 p.m.