Despite a week that features an inordinate amount of cannibalistic activity, the CDC would like to assure you that this is not the beginning of the zombie apocalypse they warned us all to prepare for last year. “Zombie apocalypse” is now in the No. 2 spot on Google’s list of search terms that are trending, thanks to three recent shocking news stories, but the CDC is convinced that this is not the beginning of the end.
According to David Daigle, a spokesman for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms).”
The stories that made the CDC feel the need to reassure us started on Saturday of last week. when Rudy Eugene, 31, was found hungrily devouring the face of a homeless man. Police were forced to shoot and kill the man to get him to stop his gruesome attack. Police said Eugene may have been high on ” bath salts ” at the time, which may have contributed to the way he seemed impervious to the bullets striking him until the moment he collapsed.
On Tuesday, a 21-year-old student in Maryland named Alexander Kinyua admitted to killing his roommate and then eating his victim’s heart and parts of his brain.
Canadian police are looking for Luka Rocco Magnotta, a porn actor who is accused of killing and dismembering a young man before eating flesh from the corpse. He also allegedly mailed other body parts to political offices in Ottawa.
When it comes to zombies, the CDC does have our back. They launched an emergency preparedness campaign last year which used a hypothetical zombie apocalypse as a tool to teach people how to prepare for any emergency. The campaign was so popular that it caused the CDC’s website to shut down temporarily from the overload of internet traffic.