Home -> Columnists -> While Mom's @ Work | ||
 |
||
The Worst Christmas Ever |
||
| December 16, 2008
|
||
|
We dropped what we were doing and rushed out and bought a home pregnancy kit. After seeing the two pink lines, we briefly celebrated before returning to the drug store to buy two more pregnancy kits, just to be sure. I would've driven her to the OB/GYN doctor that morning if they would have been open. We had the best present ever to give to our parents: a grandchild for Christmas! After much deliberation, we decided to let our parents know by drawing caricatures of a baby with a speech bubble that read, "Hi! I'm your grandchild! I'll see you in August!" We framed and wrapped the caricatures and decided to have our mothers open these packages after all of the other Christmas presents had been opened. When we got to my in-laws' home, we tried our best to act like everything was normal but it was difficult with the big Cheshire Cat grins plastered across our faces. Ella's constant rubbing of her stomach didn't help. But we made it to bedtime without spilling our guts, so we figured our Christmas secret was safe. Around 2:00 AM, we heard yelling coming from downstairs. We figured Ella's nephew had come home drunk again and was having words with Ella's father, so we thought nothing of it and drifted back to sleep. Like kids, we woke up at 6:00 AM on Christmas morning. Only we weren't eager to open our presents; we wanted our present to be opened. We went downstairs to find Ella's nephew passed out on the couch. Ella's mother told us that he had stolen some of his mother's OxyContin pills and was "sleeping it off." As Ella's mother was preparing breakfast, Ella's nephew woke up in a belligerent state. He started yelling, cursing, and throwing things. This went on for about fifteen minutes before Ella's father threw him out of the house. This caused Ella's mother and father get into a fight. "He should spend Christmas with his family!" she argued. I believe if she had taken an informal poll around the breakfast table, she would have found herself in a minority of one. But she won out in the end and made him go find Ella's nephew. He didn't have to go far as Ella's nephew was sitting on the curb at the end of the street. It was Christmas morning, where could he go? When he came back into the house, he was even more belligerent because he was angry and embarrassed for being thrown out of the house. Ella's mother tried to diffuse the situation by suggesting we open presents. The fun didn't last long before Ella's nephew began complaining that his younger brother received better presents that he did. Ella's father told him to go upstairs and stop ruining everyone's Christmas, but Ella's mother went upstairs and got him five minutes later. There were only a few presents left to be opened. Despite everything that happened up to that point, we still couldn't wait for them to open our Christmas present. But then the doorbell rang. It was a police officer. I took Ella's younger nephew upstairs to play some video games. I didn't want to be a part of what was about to go down and he definitely didn't need to be a part of it. He had already seen enough undesirable behavior from his brother and mother over the years and didn't need to be present for any further drama, especially on Christmas. Apparently, one of Ella's nephew's friends had come home on Christmas morning in a similar state. When pressed for information, he informed his parents that Ella's nephew had sold him some OxyContin pills. When she heard this, Ella marched up to her sister and shouted, "Did you make your own son sell your OxyContin pills?" She denied it, but it really wasn't too far-fetched of a scenario given her past. As the police officer, Ella's father, and Ella's older nephew spoke in the other room, Ella walked over to the Christmas tree, picked up our gift to the family, threw it on the couch and shouted, "Merry Fucking Christmas!" Luckily, when we had my mother open our package, it was much less stressful. |
||
|
|
||
| ||
6 Responses to "The Worst Christmas Ever"Leave a comment: | ||
| ||
Home -> Columnists -> While Mom's @ Work |
| ||
IMPERFECTION IN YOUR INBOX
 | ||
 | ||
| ||
POPULAR RIGHT NOW
Coffee or Tea, Which One is for Me? When I registered as an Independent, I did so because... read more » The Ides and Crooked Teeth of March According to the old saying, the month of March usually... read more » |
About The Imperfect Parent | Submission Guidelines | Press | Contact Us | Advertise on The Imperfect Parent | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use
All original content © 2002 - 2010 The Imperfect Parent™ and Tiny Tantrums Media. The Imperfect Parent and Mominatrix are trademarks of Prudentia Communications Group.
The views, opinions and information expressed in articles and blog posts published on imperfectparent.com and all subdomains are those of the authors alone. They do not represent the views or opinions of The Imperfect Parent or its staff, nor do they represent the views or opinions of any entity of, or affiliated with, The Imperfect Parent and Prudentia Communications Group. The Imperfect Parent is designed for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to be a substitute for medical, health, legal, or financial advice from a professional.
Reproduction of material from any of The Imperfect Parent's pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. The Imperfect Parent and Tiny Tantrums are trademarks of Prudentia Communications Group.
1. nutella
Dec 17, 2008 00:39
Wow, it's like you came home to my house for Xmas! I both sympathize with your wife and rejoice as I now know for certain that my family isn't the only freakin' crazy one out there. Um, and Merry Christmas?(Hey, for what it's worth, I read your other blog, too, and you and your wife seem wholly uncrazy. I just meant your other family mentioned in this post, which is more than slightly reminiscent of certain elements of parts of my crazy family. Will stop digging this hole now, really.)
2. katie ~ motherbumper
Dec 17, 2008 16:51
Woah, I've had a crappy Christmas (or six) in the past but you win by a long shot. I get why your MIL was trying to keep family together but this is one of those cases that keeping one belligerent person around at the expense of everyone else's holiday cheer is just too much. Well at least the Christmas you announced was memorable (right? I'll shut up now).3. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)
Dec 18, 2008 08:20
This makes those holidays when my family wondered where my cousin's formerly meth-adled husband was spreading his cheer pale in comparison. Holidays truly are a time for family, aren't they?4. Kymberly
Dec 21, 2008 08:10
Uh, may your days be merry and completely devoid of the not-so-bright people?5. tonya baker
Dec 22, 2008 18:52
thats some messed up i feel bad that mother should be ashamed of her self you know what i am talking about i am 100% aginist child abuse and all that other shit6. Ella Rowe
Dec 23, 2008 05:05
IŽve just written a blog entitled `Worst Chriatmas EverŽ and googled it. I saw your blog, saw we share the same name and read it. I loveŽd your story!