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The Secret Life Of A Stay-At-Home Dad: Deadbeat, Invalid, And Lothario |
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| September 24, 2008
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"Actually," my wife began, "you'll probably see him more often than you'll see me this year. He's a stay-at-home dad." "Oh really? I had one of you people in my class last year!" You people? Even though it's still 2008, when I tell people I'm a stay-at-home dad, some are still somewhat taken aback. They start pelting me with questions, wanting to know why I became a stay-at-home dad, how I spend my days, and all the gory details. You would think they were talking to a fire-eating carnie or something. While most people I come in contact with respect my decision to be a stay-at-home father, there are still those that view me as a deadbeat, an invalid, or a Lothario due to the choice I've made. I've also heard my fair share of catty comments from the gray-haired sector: "Mommy's getting the day off," "Mr. Mom," and my absolute favorite, "Looks like Daddy's babysitting today!" There was a time when I would have puffed out my chest and taken offense at these comments, but I've had this gig for nearly six years. Now, I just smile politely and change the subject. I've come to realize that some of my neighbors still believe life should resemble an episode of Leave It To Beaver. Besides, these people will be dead soon. I've also come across people that feel I need some assistance with my parenting duties. I've had a well-meaning lady try to lift my crying daughter from a shopping cart in an attempt to comfort her. I've had women offer to watch my kids as I load the groceries in the car. You think my wife gets this kind of attention when she's out with the kids? I get offers of assistance from fellow shoppers and store workers all the time. I won't lie to you: there have been times when I have used my presumed ineptitude to my advantage. You want to lead me around the store, helping me find the items on my list as if I was the little old blind woman with the seeing-eye dog? If I'm having a particularly bad day, I might let you help me locate the light bulbs in Piggy Wiggly. Feel free to pay for them, too, if you're so inclined. But the people who have given me the most grief for becoming a stay-at-home father are the working dads. I don't know if they're insecure due to their own inadequacies, but they don't seem to enjoy coming home after a long day at work and finding another guy sipping coffee in the breakfast nook. There was a former neighbor of mine who would often find his wife and I sitting on the couch while the kids were playing in the next room. He would come in the door, hug her, and cram his tongue down her throat. I half-expected him to piss on her leg to mark his territory. Look guys, you don't have to worry about me. I'm too busy keeping one eye on my kids to make sure your little brats aren't beating on them to seduce your wife. If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your wife's girlfriends. Isn't Bunco French for "HOT LESBIAN ACTION?" I've seen enough pornos in my day to know that when you put two or more bored women together, they invariably start making out and ripping off each other's clothes. At least until the repairman shows up. It's never the stay-at-home dad that gets the bow-chicka-bow-bow music. |
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21 Responses to "The Secret Life Of A Stay-At-Home Dad: Deadbeat, Invalid, And Lothario"Leave a comment: | ||
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1. SciFi Dad
Sep 24, 2008 08:55
Wait, so you don't eat fire, you don't hunt opossum and you don't seduce women? What the hell DO you do all day? ;)In all seriousness, I envy you. I wish the employment situation in our household would allow us to have me at home (our arrangement is based on the huge difference in incomes).
Congrats on the new gig.
2. luvs2sun
Sep 24, 2008 09:31
Hi Chag,Here in No California, it is not out of the norm for the dad to be the stay at home parent. In fact, in my son's class there were 6 stay at home dads out of 30 families in the class. The great thing about stay at home dads is that when it's time to volunteer for a big event, they are able to help with a lot of the grunt work that the moms are either unable or unwilling to do. In this day and age, it is becoming more difficult for one parent to stay at home with the kids, I think it is wonderful that you are able to do so. I do agree that some of the "working" dads have a difficult time with the concept of "stay at home dads", I think in my husband's case he was a little envious at the prospect of staying home. More power to you!
3. always home and uncool
Sep 24, 2008 09:38
Maybe its because I live in the Northeast, but I've never encountered the problem here with being a work/stay-at-home dad.Except from my mom.
4. Will
Sep 24, 2008 10:03
Cracking brilliant Chag. But this SAHD still flings the zingers right back at the blue hairs when they can't keep to themselves. Also being trapped in the land of Deliverance, these one-liners usually take the form of dubious sexual practices or conquests. It usually leaves them clutching their purses and backing away slowly.5. JayMonster
Sep 24, 2008 10:19
It absolutely drives me bonkers how a man is assumed to not be able to take care of his own children.The only thing I disagree with is "they will be dead soon." These think skulled knuckle draggers are also the ones that make sure they breed and teach new generations of sexist, ignorant people to carry the "good old days" on until we can return to those Leave it to Beaver days.
6. Wendy
Sep 24, 2008 11:23
I think I'll start wrapping an ace bandage around my boobs and try to act like a dude the next time I have to go shopping. I could always use a little extra help with my kids. :)I live in the South, too, and I got the dirty looks because I worked. Now that I stay home, though, I don't see anyone offering compliments because of how amazing my kids are.
No matter what you do, someone out there will have a problem with it. Just make sure any men you're dealing with are peeing on the wife's leg, not yours.
7. The Stiletto Mom
Sep 24, 2008 11:24
Great post...my husband is also a SAHD. My favorite is the absolute pity I get from SAHM's thinking that it's so sad that I work while he stays home...like he is broken or something. Pisses me off. Oh? And Bunco? I can't believe you figured us out....please don't tell the rest of the men.8. The Nerd
Sep 24, 2008 12:04
My husband is as stay-at-home-father, and my grandmother is the only one who seems to mind. She gave me a big hug once and sobbed "I'm so sorry that you have to support him!" I just shrugged her off and said "I don't mind at all". (I'm glad I only share a quarter of her DNA.)My husband doesn't mind it one bit, and is enthusiastic about home schooling our son in the future. I'm also enjoying the arrangement, because I hate staying at home - I go crazy!!!
9. Daddy Joe
Sep 24, 2008 12:21
I am not a SAH Dad, but have a hell of a lot of respect for those that are. I got really annoyed at a friend of my wife who dissed a SAH Dad when he tried to reach out to other parents.As a side note, you may want to consider making a business out of that jealousy thing. Sounds like your neighbor got a bit more attention from her man, once you started coming around. :) It would be a win-win for everyone.
10. katie ~ motherbumper
Sep 24, 2008 12:29
Look SAHDad or not, I need to know if you actually do know how to hunt opossum. Otherwise you must surrender your Southern residence license.11. Greg Barbera
Sep 24, 2008 13:03
way to represent for us stay-at-home dads chag!12. New Age Bitch
Sep 24, 2008 19:39
I keep reading that word in the title as "invalid", meaning not valid. Which I presume wasn't what you were going for.Oh, and please don't tell me you actually play Bunco, because then I would have to visualize you as a 50-something born-again Jazzercizer who makes a GREAT green bean casserole.
13. Motherhood Uncensored
Sep 24, 2008 20:07
I'd love to find a Bunco game like that.14. Undomestic Diva
Sep 24, 2008 20:12
Well... bow chicka bow bow Cynical Dad... this is perfectly written. You can come have coffee on my couch anytime. You know I love me some coffee.15. Brenda-SeriouslyMama
Sep 24, 2008 20:33
Just like UndomesticDiva said, you are welcome to coffee at my house anytime. I could use the break from the bitchy moms group I belong to! Great post.16. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)
Sep 24, 2008 21:12
I've been waiting and waiting for a Mom friend to make out with during playdates, but, like the Piggly Wiggly, I just thought it was a myth. Apparently this kind of stuff DOES go on in the south, and it HAS prompted me to list my house tomorrow. Hopefully my husband has no qualms with this plan.17. Stacie in Atlanta
Sep 25, 2008 00:03
What a well written article. My husband and I have been discussing changing roles for a long time and decided to do it next year. Only now he will want to play Bunco too. Shit Chag, you gotta leave some things out. Oh wait, you did not mention to tickle fights in our panties. ;)18. Rock and Roll Mama
Sep 25, 2008 00:12
Ah yes, Le Bunco. Tis a code. Love the insight into some of the reactions you get...definitely milk it. Nicely done! Especially love you singlehandedly bringing back Lothario- now I have to use it in conversation tomorrow.19. the weirdgirl
Sep 25, 2008 11:09
This is excellent, Chag! I love that you started with a topic that NEEDED to be addressed.Oh, and I admit there has been some boob flashing at Bunco. Well, at least talk about it.
20. Patricia
Sep 30, 2008 18:57
You're pathetic and lousy, and your wife is probably awful at her job. My good friend Andy is also a loser. He stays home with his kids and does horrible things like trips to the museum, weekly visits to the zoo, and God forbid....homework. He also follows his daughter to school on her bike (because SHE wants to ride), cleans the house, manages the finances, and plans the menu. His house is always neat, his kids extremely happy, and his marriage is thriving. Maybe they should give all that up, so "go to work" men feel better about themselves...21. Eric Dergara
Apr 29, 2010 15:10
I could not have said it better myself. I have been a stay at home dad for three years and have had the same experiences in the south. I recently got declined from joining a "Stay at Home Moms" meet up because some of the mothers might feel uncomfortable. I'm just trying to find a group of toddlers for my son to play with. Geez, stay tuned I'm not taking this sitting down.