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It's Not You, It's Me |
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| March 17, 2009
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While I believe these are all valid concerns, I feel the biggest issue that affects me as a parent is other parents who wish to befriend me based on the misconception that we have something in common due to the fact that like them, I successfully procreated. Before you write me off as an insensitive, misanthropic jerk, please know that I am horribly shy. While I have no problem exchanging pleasantries in the school hallways, gossip about teachers and other parents at your kid's birthday party, and the occasional small talk about the weather, I am not looking for a friend. Between my family, current friendships, neighbors, the people inside my computer, and the voices in my head, my dance card's pretty full. As the kids became older and playgroups morphed into play dates where I could simply drop them off at the door, I thought my not-so-golden age of social ineptitude was behind me. Unfortunately, this was not the case. As preschool turned to elementary school, I found myself fielding calls from other parents inquiring about homework assignments or whether my daughter had seen a certain event transpire that day at school. While I have no problem duly answering their questions, when the person on the other end of the line starts chitchatting, I will invariably need to take a roast out of the oven, answer the door, help my daughter finish her homework, or rescue a baby from a burning building -- anything to get me off the phone. As I am one of the few stay-at-home dads at my children's schools, I tend to stick out like a sore thumb. I am quite visible on the campuses of both schools and am often asked to volunteer my time and services. I have no problem helping out at their schools. In the past, I have participated in book fairs and Halloween festivals at my daughter's elementary school. I have done my part at my son's school during its fundraisers. Hell, I have even done some light maintenance work at his school. While I have trouble lending an ear, I have no problem with lending a helping hand. But I also have trouble lending a guiding hand. Occasionally, I am asked to spearhead certain clubs or events. Quite frankly, I would rather take a spear to the head than be a leader of a group due to my fear of public speaking. Recently, one of the higher-ups in the PTA at my daughter's school asked me if I would be interested in creating a monthly organization for fathers. She told me there had been a successful Moms' Club at the school for years, but no such outlet for dads. Several dads had expressed interest in such a group where they could get together, compare notes, and talk about paternal issues, feelings, and the like over coffee, pool, or something equally manly. While I didn't run out of the room screaming, I shot her down before she could finish her pitch. I have no desire to hang out with a group of people I don't know, especially those that want to talk about their feelings and crap like that. I have enough trouble talking to people about insignificant stuff, let alone my feelings. Just ask my ex-psychiatrist how well that went back in the nineties. So in closing, if you see walking down the hall, a simple nod or "Hello" will do. I'll probably flash an awkward smile, but know I mean well. And if you try to engage me in conversation, be forewarned that I'll probably be late for an appointment or some other lame excuse. Just remember: it's not you, it's me. |
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1. SciFi Dad
Mar 17, 2009 06:23
Hey.*nods head*
2. Nikki Jo
Mar 17, 2009 08:18
AMEN! I feel this way exactly. Which means I often get taken as "aloof" or "snobby", which isn't the case at all, I'm just not at all that social and really don't see the point in having 300 million "friends", who based on commonality, shouldn't be more than acquaintances.3. Corey
Mar 17, 2009 11:52
Even though I'm a mom, you just described me to a T. Nice to know I'm not the only one out there!4. mothergoosemouse
Mar 17, 2009 23:50
I'm finding that among my daughter's classmates' parents, the people that it's taken the longest to get to know are the ones most worth knowing. I'm certain you fall into that group.5. delmer
Mar 18, 2009 14:22
This Friday I'll work at the Fish Fry at my sons' school. I hope to be on potato duty as I know what to do and it keeps my interaction with others sort of limited -- most everybody else will be a mom and they all know each other. I've little to add when it comes to conversation.I am, however, great at heaving boxes of potatoes around. Having me on potato duty is a win for everybody.
6. TwoBusy
Mar 18, 2009 14:32
"Feelings are for losers. But good luck with your club."7. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)
Mar 18, 2009 15:20
*nodding my head back at you* (becuse you'll probably have to do it first)(way shy!)(except lauging at my captcha - untouchable tools)
8. Mandy
Mar 18, 2009 16:18
We were supposed to take our kids to playgroups? I knew I went wrong somewhere.9. amy@theBitchin' Wives Club
Mar 19, 2009 01:02
Thanks for the insight into how introverts see things. As an extrovert, it is sometimes hard to understand why some people are standoff-ish.... and accept that it is just because they are shy or uncomfortable rather than rude.10. The Stiletto Mom
Mar 22, 2009 23:53
Chag...my husband feels the same way. He is a SAHD and he won't even go NEAR the school for fear of the conversations.I have to say, I'm proud to be one of your computer friends. You sorta rock on that front.