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Threesome: Why Mommy and Daddy Need a Special Helper |
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Who wouldn’t want another adult around? I think kids need an adult-child ratio of at least 1:1. When you’re tired or they’re sick, 2:1 is probably more like it. Grandparents can provide some of this type of assistance, especially if your crew is as divorced and remarried as mine, but grandparents usually come with strings attached, and much less energy than they need to wrangle little people. When we have a babysitter around (every other year or so) to help with bath-time or cooking or cleaning up, it is astounding how much easier childrearing becomes. I think some of the wisdom of days gone by (boarding schools and governesses and “children should be seen and not heard”) is not fully appreciated by modern parents. We are so hands-on much of the time. Even when we work full-time, we’re full-throttle with the child psychology books and the guilt and the creeping belief that every little thing we do will land our kids in years of therapy. I think having another parent / adult-type in the mix is the perfect method for bringing in some outside air. The idea of a threesome childrearing group seemed like an even better idea after my recent trip to Rhode Island to visit an old college roommate, her husband, their three kids, and their friend Trevor. She and her husband both work more than full-time and they have daycare for the kids, but Trevor helps with cooking, cleaning, and shuttling to sports and concerts and lessons. He also sings and plays bass in their evening RockBand jam sessions, and spices up after-dinner conversations with talk of politics, books, travels, and the perils of dating 20-something women on-line. I’ll admit I wondered what other things Trevor might “help” with around the house, but that was mostly for my own perverse pleasure. I’m pretty sure the whole arrangement was above board. Most of the families I know are so stressed out and exhausted most of the time it's amazing we are able to serve anything other than gruel for dinner. In my house, I've cut back on work obligations mostly because Sometimes when my husband walks in the door and I have the kids sitting down for a reasonably healthy dinner and the house is clean and there is a place set at the table for him, I feel envious (and resentful). When I was working full-time, I never got to walk in to a nice-smelling home with cheerful children sitting down to eat. Usually, I came home to fighting hungry kids and a husband whose unemployment nearly drove him to the loony bin. And I think he’s forgotten what it takes to stay home with kids most days and try and keep heart and soul together, or maybe he just needs some Man Candy. Most of the time we simply have too few personnel around here to do all that needs to be done. And rather than sing the blues, I think we need to find ourselves a Trevor. And if he’s also beautiful taut and young, who am I to discriminate? All I know is my friend’s home in Rhode Island seemed like an island of calm. Plus the adults were having fun! If this is the only threesome I can imagine having the energy for these days, then I’ll take it! | ||
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4 Responses to "Threesome: Why Mommy and Daddy Need a Special Helper"Leave a comment: | ||
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1. Crabmommy
Jun 20, 2008 17:10
Oh for world with Trevors abounding! I'm with you on this fantasy, redsy. Especially on the old-fashioned yearning for a spot of boarding school or governess for the child, to give the parents a time out from the full-on childrearing game. If I could, I probably would.I went to boarding school and I think it was very good for me and a nice break for my parents. I absolutely agree that we are all too wrapped up in our own nuclear families. At the very least, leave the kiddos with the grandpeeps if they're offering, I say, and whip off for a bit of R&R child-free. So many people don't even WANT to do that sort of thing anymore but I take it whenever it's offered. I'll take their karmic allotment of grownups-only time too, please.
2. Whit
Jun 22, 2008 16:22
Hey, I'm open to it. I'll tell my wife I have a business trip.Wait, what are we talking about?
3. Mel
Jul 12, 2008 10:39
We are lucky enough to have my brother live with us (a 30 year old with no goals). He watches our kids before and after school and in exchange we remodeled the garage for a extra room, feed him, and give him cash from time to time. No hanky panky in this - the whole insest thing and all. But we have found that 3 loving adults have given my children (DD7, DS9) a happy healthy foundation.4. Top 10 Cigars
Jan 25, 2010 22:39
I agree-- it is definitely beneficial for one's sanity to have a "helper". I wish we could afford one-- I'd have a nanny just to play with my two year old while I work from home. She has so much energy it's hard to keep her entertained!-Sylvia