Nothing says “dream on about having any time ‘off’, sucker” like the holidays. The perfect storm of in-laws, family, food preparation, alcohol, simmering resentment and lead-filled statuary, Thanksgiving and Christmas (or Xmas, if you prefer) test even the most zen well-prescriptioned amongst us. At least the Canadians are smart enough to take care of Thanksgiving in October. Whose idea was it to cram all this celebration into one 5½ -week period?

Let’s assume one can muster up the proper gratitude and excitement about the funny big man in the red suit who likes to leave toys under trees for well-behaved little folks (hopefully made from 100% organic spiritually sound wood -- the toys, not the people) while simultaneously inculcating the values of selflessness and anti-materialism we admire but so rarely actually practice. How can one enjoy all the fun of having kids during celebratory times when there is too much to do and so little time to do it in… ?

Far be it from me to have much to offer on this subject except the usual smart-assery and hope in a bottle philosophy, but there are a few little things that really seem to help.

1. Allies Are Good to Have: I’m inviting one of my closest friends to my family Thanksgiving because I love her company, she makes a mean pie, and because she’ll get my jokes – she’ll catch my eye-rolls and we can deconstruct the whole experience after the fact in a manner that will leave us both more entertained and less put upon.


2. Humor: The Dark Bitter Kind: I’ve recently learned that nothing clears out the dust and transforms stress or self-importance into total laugh riots than gallows humor. After receiving a fatal stab wound and being questioned about the nature of his injuries, Mercutio rejoins "No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve: ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man." (Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet, Act 3, Scene 1)


3. Feet Pajamas Make Everything Better: Kids, even when having a hellish tantrum, look so adorable in feet pajamas (assuming they’re younger than 10) that it might just take the edge off the dirty dishes and burned potatoes you’re fretting about. And while little chubby kids seem like they’re young, diapered, and demanding forever, they actually are adoring and sweeter than pumpkin pie for such a short time… Honestly, they should be in feeties as long as humanly possible.


4. Looking Pretty Smelling Nice: Sometimes dress-up for parents can make the holiday doldrums recede for just long enough to find that loving feeling. Failing that, at least get the visiting relatives to take the little buggers to the store long enough for Daddy to practice the magic he’s been reading about in Cunning Linguistics for Dummies.


5. Mommy/Daddy Get a Present: This is a fun game whereby Mommy or Daddy gets to buy her or himself a nice present and call it “Happy Holidays!!” without the usual third degree or budget reconciliation discussions resulting in expensive marital counseling. And of course the item should be less than $5000 (or according to my family’s budget, less than $50).

Gratitude is a word that used to make me break out in hives. It made me feel like Oprah was my higher power or that I was next going to rush to the grocery store and tell perfect strangers all about my feeling while sifting through the tomatoes… In short, it was too trivial, too self-help-y for a complicated woman such as myself. But the rub is this… when I take even 30 seconds to make myself feel grateful -- even fake grateful -- it really does help me appreciate my life -- my children, my husband, my effed up but high-spirited and big-hearted family. So this holiday season I’m going to try a few new things… I’m going to fix the whole dinner for Thanksgiving, not lay into the wine like I am a camel in the midst of a Saharan trek to freedom, and try to feel grateful. Even for a minute.