The Ultimate Rugrat Reprieve

By Rachael Brownell

Read more: rugrat reprieve, relaxation, acceptance

For parents with younger than school-age children, the concept of school readiness can evoke nervous hand wringing in even the most laid-back, no-toys-in-the-living-room among us. Measuring how our kids do or don’t jive with expectations of various structured environments is a tough business and quickly puts us in mind of our efficacy as parents. Have we, after all, done a good enough job?

Will our kids be the ones hitting and biting and misbehaving? Or, even worse, sitting alone ostracized on the playground?

Part of enjoying parenting (aside from regularly scheduled mommy/daddy time-outs and vacations), centers on the ability to strike the right balance between concern for how our kid looks to others and not giving a damn. Our kids, blessed little rotten tiring creatures, all have various challenges and gifts. Some truly are greater than others. To say something as simple as, “accept your child and his/her foibles and you’ll be a happier parent,” is as overly simplistic as it is facile.

But unfortunately, like all annoying platitudes we remember our parents or teachers telling us as kids (treat others as you want to be treated, be grateful each day, be loving and kind), they are quite true.

Not that we should accept hitting and biting or rudeness or yelling around adult-spaces such as restaurants without civilizing the wee brutes. But in that core way, accepting that these darlings and their weird behaviors are inimitably themselves. That try as we might to change their proclivities and personality traits, we’re merely postponing the inevitable day when they’ll come to us and proclaim their uniqueness and we’ll stand there making a decision to either love them as they are or move on.

Isn’t the ultimate rugrat reprieve finding that inner relaxed state where their tendencies (which in my house include grabbing things that oughtn’t be grabbed in front of grandma, tantrums, hitting, and generally bad tempers), are accepted as part of how things go with young kids? Not that we don’t rightly try to correct (if you need to grab yourself, please do so in the bathroom), but that we realize on some level that all is as it should be. Kids have phases, just like adults. Some pass, some don’t.

If we can let go a little and take a deep breath, perhaps parenting won’t seem so tiring after all. But how do we get there (rested, zen) from here (harried, resentful)? Well, if we’re inclined to follow the advice of Mominatrix, there are several enjoyable and free (hopefully) ways to cast off daily stress. Or you can drink too much… But it doesn’t have to be as complicated as rumpled sheets and hangovers.

It can be simply sitting and watching them and breathing. Sitting and seeing them for a minute for who they are (smelly, badly behaving, beautiful). Stillness and observation can be our best tools for relaxed and happy parenting.

Rachael Brownell is the author of Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore (Conari Press, 2009). A former contributor at Babble.com (which put Rugrat Reprieve on their Top 50 Mommy Bloggers list), she writes, edits, and raises children in the beautiful and blessedly cloudy Pacific NW. She spends time in between yoga classes shuttling kids and cleaning the kitchen. You can find out more about her and her Bikram journey at RachaelBrownell.com.

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