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Friends and Politics |
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| May 26, 2009
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Why is it then that I'm uncomfortable expressing my opinions in person, even when I've been directly asked what I think? When I interviewed for my position in New York, one of my interviewers asked what I'd done the night before. It was a casual question -- Kyle and I were still new to the area -- and yet I knew my answer wouldn't go over well. We'd been at a volunteer meeting for Rudy Giuliani's soon-to-be-abandoned Senate campaign. Now the situation is reversed; while I was a right-wing extremist back east, I'm a bleeding heart liberal here in the suburban wild west. So when I mentioned my previous Air Force service to an acquaintance, she inferred my opinion on our current foreign policy based on my veteran status: "Being in the military, you'd agree... right?" I commenced my talkative tap dancing routine (I have a mostly silent version, too -- lots of "ums", implying neither agreement nor disagreement) and equivocated my way onto another topic, but I could tell that we were on different pages, if not reading different books entirely. Why couldn't I have just said, "We're actually more liberal than the average family around here?" It would have been accurate, disarming, and non-confrontational. Leading up to the presidential election, I often found myself in a similar position. Colorado as a state may have voted blue, but we live in a primarily red area. McCain/Palin yard signs abounded, and many local drivers still haven't scraped off their "Nobama!" bumper stickers. Meanwhile I didn't fully agree with either candidate's proposed ideas, but I couldn't bring myself to admit that I hadn't yet made up my mind. Part of my concern about discussing politics openly involves my children, of course. I don't want to ace them out of any friendships simply because Mommy's a commie pinko (which I'm not). But even if I were, does that mean that my kid's no longer a desirable friend? To some parents, that's exactly what it means. But another part of my concern is for myself -- how my family and I are viewed. I don't want to ace myself out of any friendships either. I can look beyond politics and religion and find commonalities that form the basis of a friendship. Perhaps I just don't have faith that others can do the same. What I've realized though is that my assumption that I'll be judged is just as unfair as that assumed judgment would be. I don't have to lay all my cards on the table right away, but there's no reason why I should misrepresent myself, even unintentionally. Perceived differences are most likely to be inconsequential for both my family and me. In fact, if I'm honest and lucky, I might just find a kindred spirit. Stay even more informed about politics and parenting issues by visiting our Parental is Political resources. |
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1. RookieMom Heather
May 26, 2009 19:36
I'll be your friend, Julie.I grew up as knee-jerk republican in Ohio thinking that "liberal" was an insult to be shouted on the playgrounds if you were really really mad. And now I live in Berkeley, CA which is about as liberal as you can be.
While I find myself comfortable on the Left Coast most of the time, I have a Republican family and empathy for all oozing through my veins.
And I don't talk about it either. Shhh.
2. Republigal
May 26, 2009 20:09
Since my neighbors had no qualms about coming over and telling me, unsolicited I might add, that Bush killed babies and drank their blood and that Obama was going to save the planet, I don't have qualms telling them what I think.I'm proud of my values and principles. I don't bring it up unless I want to or somebody else makes it so uncomfortable that I can't be silent any longer.
I know it's not hip or trendy to be Republican these days, but my opinions about what I think is best for the country and the future of this country is not subject to what's in or cool at the moment. I believe what I believe and anybody who doesn't want to be my friend because of it can sit and spin.
I do find I get along with Republicans and some Libertarians more than Commie Pinkos though. Of the liberal friends I have, they don't care that I'm a Republican. A liberal person who doesn't want your kids to play with their kids, that's as shallow as judging someone on the color of their skin.
My advice to you, if you are meeting people you're ashamed to voice your own opinions to and feel that you'll be rejected as their friends, then they're no friends of yours to begin with.
3. Julie Marsh
May 27, 2009 00:25
@RookieMom Heather - I think you're my soulmate.@Republigal - Intellectually, I know you're right, but as I'm still trying to make friends here, I resist giving anyone a reason up front to avoid me. OTOH, I was much more willing to cop to my conservative views back east.
Oh, and I love your pseudonym.