Mominatrix

Make sex a priority.

By Kristen Chase
You'll find no shortage of parents asking the Mominatrix the same damn question "How do I spice things up in the bedroom?"
 
Short answer: Buy The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex and leave it on your nightstand.
 
But honestly, in some cases it really only takes a little flick of that wrist and a wave of that wand. For others, it requires some actual magic, in liquid, solid, or battery-operated form.
 
For the most part, however, it doesn't require much more than a little change in the routine. A little bit of this. A lot of right there. 
 
And most of all, a shared sense of priority.
 
It's fascinating how so many parents can spend ridiculous amounts of time, energy, and money on their kids but yet, when the option of purchasing a $75 vibrator presents itself, they scoff. You just spent $50 on a box that warms up baby wipes but yet you gawk at a hand-held apparatus that will provide you with much more useful warming capabilities.
 
Don't worry. Therapists have yet to report an increase in prescriptions for children whose parents wiped their asses with a cold wipe. And rest assured -- it will not affect his Harvard application.
 
But yet, they spend cash on fancy baby outfits that will soon be covered in mashed veggies and outgrown, and barely even give their relationship, the strong tie that binds them together in the lifelong parenting journey, sloppy seconds.
 
That expensive bedding your baby is not sleeping on could have paid for a nice night alone in a hotel. Too bad you didn't register for that at your baby shower.
 
The cold hard truth is that you hold the key to the mystery of spicing things up in your own love life. Sure, some suggestions from the experts or a little inspiration from the paid professionals can certainly help.
 
But whether it's your fantasy or personal past reality, making sex hotter isn't rocket science, or at least the kind that requires a special suit and nerdy glasses -- unless that's your thing.
 
All it takes is a commitment from both parents to make sex a priority.
 
Sadly, in an age where TVs blast during dinner time and smart phones are an actual family member, that's harder than it sounds. It becomes easy to move love making down on the ever growing list.
 
But the Real Housewives finale! But the call from that guy that I can't even remember his name! But if I don't buy my child the best things and put him in the class where he will learn how to speak Chinese and do yoga at the same time!
 
Listen to your excuses.
 
Isn't that why they invented Tivo and voice mail? And really, will your child be permanently scarred by sleeping on the cheaper linens and riding in the slightly less pimped out stroller?
 
Invest your time and energy just as wisely as you do your money. Your child will be much better served by a couple of parents with dirty sheets, a bigger water bill, and goofy smiles on their faces. Those are the things they remember, and not the designer crib they spent all night screaming in.

Read more: mominatrix, sex

You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.


Kristen Chase left a job as a college music professor for her current career as stay-at-home-mother of four. When she's not perusing the local adult bookstores and foot fetish websites, she is the publisher and CEO of Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes on her personal blog, Motherhood Uncensored, as well as various other online outlets. Her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex, was published in 2010.

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