Mominatrix

The Mominatrix's Quick Guide to Real Porn for Parents

By Kristen Chase

Over the years, pornography has gotten a pretty bad rap from women, and for obvious reasons. For the most part, it's aimed at the male audience which tends to display women in a submissive and objectified position.

But as women's appetite for porn has grown, so have the films that are made to get them off. That's not to say that women don't enjoy a neighborly gang bang, but for the most part, women are looking for tasteful movies that take certain measures to ensure that the woman's pleasure is of the utmost importance, and not just a small item on a long do-her list.

However, finding women-friendly porn can be a daunting task, especially since it's not like asking your friend for a regular old movie recommendation. But finding the right movies and better, enjoying them with your partner, can be the key to kick starting your libido with just a little flip of the remote control.

Here's the Mominatrix's Quick Guide to Real Porn for Parents

1. Get over yourself

Women are a bit jealous by nature, mostly because the idea of your spouse getting off on watching another woman (or women) have sex can make you a little insecure, well unless you're into that kind of thing, but then you don't need to be reading this now, do you?

It can be a bit disconcerting to watch some skinny, large-breasted woman get it on, particularly if you're not feeling so confident about your own body. But remember that enjoying porn with your spouse can be a way to help you get new ideas, tweak your skills, and get you in the mood.

Let's face it. Parenting is not the sexiest of jobs, and many couples find themselves in a sexual rut -- same person, same position, and same location. You're only human after all and unless you've got an open relationship, the variety that you'll need to get to spice up your sex life is going to have to come from changing things up when it comes to what you're doing and how you're doing it.

If you're feeling particularly uncomfortable about watching porn together, start by reading a few erotic romance novels (you know, in your free time), and then watch a few titles on your own. There's a good chance a little switch in your brain will be flipped and you'll find yourself wanting sex more and more. Think of it like eating potato chips. Once you pop one in your mouth, it's really, really hard to not eat the entire bag.

2. Don't judge a porn by its cover

If you're persuing porn titles at your favorite sex shop or flipping through your cable pay channels, keep in mind that the pictures and the descriptions are not exactly representative of the actual content, so it's best to get a personal recommendation or read a trusted resource before you take the plunge. But since asking for favorite porn flicks from your neighbor or playdate pal might be a little awkward, the Mominatrix suggests checking out Good Vibrations, a fantastic online sex shop that categorizes their porn based on the content. So whether you're on the search for soft core women friendly porn or the harder hitting titles, you'll know what you're getting yourself into before you buy it.

Keep in mind that most porn stars are young, shapely hotties because that's their job. If you don't dig the 18-year-old fake boob look, then search for "mature porn," "MILF," or "natural women." Oddly enough, the acronym "MILF" is used to describe women over 25, even if they haven't had kids. And don't be concerned that the terms "mature" and "natural" will afford you a size 20 senior citizen. Mature, natural women in porn are usually around 30 years old and have avoided major plastic surgery.

It is important for you to figure out what you actually enjoy watching, and don't be surprised if it's not necessarily what you enjoy doing. Some straight women actually prefer watching lesbian porn. And while a threesome may not be in your immediate future, perhaps the idea of three people pleasuring each other really gets you off. So do a little personal exploration and figure out what you really like to see, and what is an absolute turn off.

On that note, don't disregard an entire movie because it may list one thing that you don't like. There's a reason why they make remote controls. Considering there's a countless number of sexual acts in one porno, you can easily fast forward through the boring parts and get to the stuff that interests you most.

For assistance in finding the right porn for you, the Mominatrix highly recommends Violet Blue's The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn, which which offers acomplete rundown of everything you are and are not looking for in a porno. You can also find a wealth of information, as well as specific director and movie recommendations, in her online Smart Guide to Porn.

As far as specific films, you can't go wrong with anything from Candida Royalle, a well-known director whose movies are famous for being respectful but still ridiculously hot for both women and men.

3. You get what you pay for

You'll find plenty of websites that will offer you FREE! XXX! PORN!, which is most often amateur at best. And while it can be nice to save a few bucks, these sites may use under-aged women who may or may not have given adequate consent.

Also, online porn can open your computer to nasty viruses that are just looking to penetrate your operating system. Apparently, Firefox is considered the condom of browsers. Ah, yet another reason not to use Internet Explorer. And thanks to today's tech savvy kids, there's a really good chance your kids will be able to find your computer stash, which might just be worse than any sort of computer virus out there.

So skip the crappy, free stuff, and fork over a few bucks for a high quality DVD or pay-per-view movie that you know ensures the safety and consent of everyone involved. Sitting around a computer screen or laptop with your spouse isn't the most romantic of settings. If you're using porn to get you in the mood, then you might actually want to be somewhere that allows you to get at it while you're watching.

Investing in DVDs does mean you need a safe place for them. Many parents invest in a lock box for safe keeping. And considering how many adults were introduced to the world of pornography by finding their parent's stash of magazines and videos, it's not that far fetched an idea.

And don't forget that finding porn and enjoying it isn't rocket science, making it the perfect activity for parents. Heck, if teenage boys can procure it, then you should be able to get your hands on something titillating, even on no sleep and baby overload.

And best of all, you only need a few minutes for the effects to actually kick in, which parents, is about all the time you often have.

For more information, check out the Mominatrix Adult Films for Parents podcast

Read more: mominatrix, sex

You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.


Kristen Chase left a job as a college music professor for her current career as stay-at-home-mother of four. When she's not perusing the local adult bookstores and foot fetish websites, she is the publisher and CEO of Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes on her personal blog, Motherhood Uncensored, as well as various other online outlets. Her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex, was published in 2010.

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