Mominatrix

Giving your partner a helping hand

By Kristen Chase

Dear Mominatrix: I had a hysterectomy last month and I'm still on medical leave. At present I'm still physically "limited" in marital relations and will be for another month. Any advice? - C.

You're not the only one with this situation and question, C. Over the last few months, a couple of moms have emailed asking what they can do for their partners while they're recovering from major surgery. And while many of my readers might not be in the exact same situation, having a baby can fall into the "major surgery" category as can serious illnesses, with a long, lengthy recovery required before sexual activity can recommence.

(Oddly enough, I've never had a dad email to ask me what he can do for his spouse while he recovers from a health issue, but if they react to a major illness like they do to a man cold, my guess is that the only person they're able to think about is themselves.)

In the long scheme of your relationship, a month or two, maybe more without sexual activity won't do any emotional harm to your relationship. And it certainly won't do any physical harm to them, as much as some dudes might like to tell you.

This doesn't mean you should halt relations altogether, but rather focus on nurturing emotional rather than physical intimacy until you can be back on your back again.

But if you're determined to keep your husband satisfied then here are three ways you can:

1.  Hand Job

Unless you've had hand or arm surgery, partner-initiated masturbation can be quick and effective, especially if you pair it with handy little gadgets like the Tenga Egg. But even the little old-fashioned palm and lube combination can work as well. If you're a little out of practice, have him guide your hand until you get the hang, or, hand of it.

2. Blow Job

If you're feeling a bit more generous, the ubiquitous BJ is always an option, though it will require you to have more mobility and upper respiratory health than a simple hand job. Don't try to be a deep-throating porn star. Use your hands at the base of the shaft to help move things along, and add a bit of flavored lube as an extra treat for you.

3. His Job

Quite frankly, your partner should be the one asking what he can do to help you in your recovery. And that doesn't mean charging your vibrator or hand washing your thongs. He's got hands and eyes, so find him a little porn and a sexy magazine and send him on his very merry way. You can send him a few sexy text messages or photos to make sure you're still a part of the fun, at least until you can actively participate.

In the end, the best gift you can give your partner is your full recovery. That means getting plenty of respite and rest. The more he understands that and helps you get to that place, the more he'll reap the sexual benefits when you're ready to get back on his horse.



Read more: marriage, sex, mominatrix

You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.


Kristen Chase left a job as a college music professor for her current career as stay-at-home-mother of four. When she's not perusing the local adult bookstores and foot fetish websites, she is the publisher and CEO of Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes on her personal blog, Motherhood Uncensored, as well as various other online outlets. Her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex, was published in 2010.

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