Most women will tell you that the nipples are the gateway to getting in their pants. But after having them tugged, grabbed, and pulled by a baby or toddler, for some women, they end up acting as nothing more than a decorative boob ornament or temperature gauge. Basically, even if Brad Pitt was licking them, or Angelina Jolie was squeezing them for some of you, they would just look up (or down, depending on how many kids you’ve breastfed), with a lifeless stare.
Dead nipples are not an uncommon side effect to pregnancy and breastfeeding. Truthfully, most women tend to complain more about their saggy breasts since those tend to be a more common talking point at birthday parties and social events. Women can laugh about tucking their boobs into their belts, but bring up the useless nipples and eyebrows tend to go up.
And if you’re still able to climax, than a couple of lifeless areolae aren’t anything to get too upset about.
But for women who need a bit of nipple play to send them on their way to ecstasy or, for the chosen few that can climax from nipple stimulation alone, losing sensation can be a startling post-partum discovery.
So instead of letting their lifeless nipples get them down, women have been taking matters into their own hands and indulging in a simple procedure known as nipple piercing.
What was once thought to be something for porn stars and pain freaks, nipple piercing has made its way into the homes of moms looking to gain back a little bit of what they lost with their breast milk.
Perhaps the idea of getting a bar stuck through your nipple isn’t hugely enticing, but considering that you’ve pushed out a baby through your vagina or had one cut out of your uterus, the three-second pain of a needle through your nipple is probably equal to you stubbing your toe at this point in time. And for adoptive parents who have been put through on many an emotional roller coaster, a couple of tears over a bloody boob are probably a walk in the park.
The truth of the matter is that if you’ve ever had a newborn with a bad latch or been bitten at least once with those razor sharp incisors, then you can easily survive a nipple piercing. Besides, a quick scan of all the possible complications, like scabbing, tenderness, and possible infection, are all things you’ve probably had to deal with anyway, except at least this time, you don’t have a baby wailing at you from the other room or an annoying lactation consultant telling you that it will get better.
Rest assured that most women who do get their nipples pierced report a much increased sensation. Well, either that or they’re just getting way better sex thanks to the hot silver rings they’re sporting. Clearly, there’s no better way to distract from your post-partum sagging breasts than with some snazzy shiny jewelry. Regardless of which way your boobs are pointing, it’s pretty hard to resist tugging on a couple of shiny bars or rolling them around in your mouth.
Make sure to schedule an appointment with a reputable piercing artist, keeping in mind that reputable doesn’t necessarily mean shiny clean walls and a convenient mall location. Granted, it might be tough to get a nipple piercing recommendation at your weekly playgroup, but consider the internet your friend and do research in your area.
And if you’re still planning on using your dead nipples to feed yet another mouth, most sources say that a nipple piercing will not interfere with the breastfeeding relationship — although for safety reasons, you might want to take out your jewelry. Considering the suction of a nursing baby can compete with a Dyson, you probably don’t want to risk them choking on your nipple ring.
Clearly getting a needle stuck in your nipple might be an extreme solution to what is most likely very low on your list. But considering you went through almost all of what’s involved in a nipple piercing and sometimes more just for the sake of your beautiful child, what’s another round of Lansinoh and soothing gel packs for the sake of your own pleasure?
Besides, you probably still have all that shit lying around anyway. Might as well put it to good use.