Featured Mominatrix: Lindsay Maines
Lindsay Maines is a DC area writer and mama to three. Fave bands right now this second: Avett Brothers, Bon Iver, and Amy WInehouse. (Hot mess, but so talented!) Her hubs is the bass player for the very loud band, Clutch. Lindsay's all about keeping your inner Janis alive (the independent, fun one, not the one who drinks far too much.) You can check out her work at www.rockandrollmama.com.
What makes you a "Mominatrix?"
Well, first and foremost, the whip-crackin I do with my kids. (Bet you get that a lot.) I think the fact that I make it a point to connect on a regular basis, and know that itís as crucial a part of my relationship as always. Possibly even more so, as we donít have time for leisurely moonlight strolls and mushy gushy stuff.
How do you feel about the term "MILF?"
As long as itís my husband applying it, Iím totally cool with it. I generally donít like other men referring to ďMILFSĒ, because I feel like, a.) It implies like moms arenít worthy of sexual attention, which is really sad. And b.) It kinda says theyíre cruising the streets seeing whose wife they can bang. (Thatís my personal prejudice, because of course, moms can be single as well.)
How has "sexy" changed since you've become a mother?
Soooo much. The first time I became a mother, I was a single mom. Prior to that first kid, sexy apparently usually meant: Emotionally unavailable, broke, and not that into me. (Excepting my sonís bio-dad, whoís actually a great guy- just wasnít the one for me.)
Luckily for me, my standards went way up. The first time I met my husband, he was standing on the front porch of a 200-year old house in jeans and a white T-shirt. I can honestly say, I set eyes on him and he became my definition of sexy. THEN I found out he made great grilled cheese sandwiches and is incredibly thoughtful, and lifeís never been the same since.
How has motherhood affected your sex life?
Itís actually made it so much better. Probably because I met the ideal mate after I became a mother. I found a whole different level of trust and acceptance that I had never felt before, and it allowed me to accept and acknowledge things about myself that had been difficult to in the past. It was a whole shift, from a shame- based mentality to a more celebratory one.
What's a simple sexy tip (or tips) that you can share with other moms?
Talk about sex throughout the day, when you can, with your partner- whether itís in a code in front of kids, or a quick whisper under the roar of the garbage disposal. Itís tough to act like work partners/helpmates all day, and then expect to get all fiery in the bag. Even if you canít DO anything about it right that second, itís worth saying what you WOULD do.
Your sexiest body part?
Bedroom eyes, yo! And I like my bosom, itís rather sprung back more than I expected after nursing three babies forevah.
What accessory or piece of clothing makes you feel the sexiest?
Jeans and a black shirt. Always with the fanciest black ruffly drawers I can find clean.
Any special tricks (ahem)?
Learn how to give a really good massage. And ask for them. Just focusing on touch, even if thereís 8 loads of laundry and it seems like it wonít go anywhere, keep connected through touch.