Mominatrix

Mominatrix makes the most of those hot pregnancy dreams

By Kristen Chase
Most women are more than happy to trade in the sometimes endearing but mostly annoying symptoms of pregnancy. Of course, there’s always that one freakish mom whose body somehow found its zen state at around 32 weeks and makes it her mission to proclaim her love of the beautifully bloated baby body any time she can.

But even if you were one of the lucky ones who made it your entire nine months with only a couple of extra zits, a craving for capers, and a midnight charley horse, you’d probably agree that pregnancy bliss has more to do with the actual baby you’re carrying and less to do with everything that comes along with it.

Except for those outrageously hot dreams.

Thanks to one hell of a hormonal cocktail, most pregnant women experience some sort of erotic dreams during those 40 weeks, sort of like nature’s consolation prize -- throwing women a bone, or if they’re lucky, Brad Pitt’s boner to make up for what can be pretty challenging sex, particularly in the latter months where having sex can be as comfortable as your OB inserting a dry, cold speculum up your hoo-hoo.

Of course, the dreams can sometimes border on the ridiculous, because they are dreams after all, but perhaps that’s what makes them so incredibly satisfying. You don’t hear pregnant women giggling over the dream where her husband did her doggy style for the 400th time.

And really, your lucid fantasies are probably pretty run-of-the-mill -- a naked cleaning man who folds your laundry while giving you oral -- that sort of thing.

So stop wallowing over those few unwanted souvenirs from your pregnancy and use the best ones to your advantage, whether you’re currently pregnant or not.

Write them down

There’s no need for some cheesy dream journal that tell you what it means that you got off by some hot dude dressed up like a mailman sucking chocolate off your toes. Send Freud elsewhere. Keep a notebook by your bedside and immediately after you wake up, write down your dreams. No need to purchase erotic romance novels or rent porn. You’ve got your own right at your very fingertips.

Recreate them

If the sex worked in your dreams, then why not try to replicate things in your own bedroom. You may not be able to hire Ryan Reynolds and his team of sexy clones to assist you, but you can always just keep your eyes closed. And tell your partner to keep his mouth shut. Or otherwise occupied.

Be inspired

You might find that it’s more about the mood, the ambiance, and the staging of your dreams that has you begging for more, so use them as a starting point for your lovemaking sessions. And if it really was the crazy wet suits or flying trapeze that got you off, figure out what else about the dream really made your head spin, and then use that to fuel your fire. And then add scuba sex and circus porn to your bucket list.

And if you can’t convince your partner to participate, relive your own pregnancy dreams again and again on your very own. While your favorite celebrity hottie may be otherwise indisposed, his battery-operated counterpart can be a worthy stand-in.

Read more: pregnancy, mominatrix

You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.


Kristen Chase left a job as a college music professor for her current career as stay-at-home-mother of four. When she's not perusing the local adult bookstores and foot fetish websites, she is the publisher and CEO of Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes on her personal blog, Motherhood Uncensored, as well as various other online outlets. Her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex, was published in 2010.

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