It’s no secret that today, 08/08/08, is considered the luckiest day this year – thousands of superstitious couples are scheduled to get hitched and hordes of preggos are being offered huge prizes just to pop one out. Lottery lines are already out the door and casinos have been booked for months with superstitious gamblers hoping to score big.
But even if “8” is your lucky number, perhaps it’s a better idea to spend your time and hard-earned money on something that’s got the best house odds.
Sex.
Clearly if there’s any day to try to get laid, the stars and planets are definitely aligned in your favor.
Now when it comes to getting lucky in the biblical sense, you probably don’t just want to put some money down on a random number and spin. In this case, the Mominatrix suggests loading the dice and stacking the deck in your favor.
1. You’ve got to play to win. Subtlety, particularly after a long hard day of parenting, is probably not the way to go. Ask, and if you’re lucky, you shall receive.
2. Always bet the house. Today’s not the day to play the odds. Go with what works and save the gambling for another time.
3. Sweeten the pot. So you can’t buy love, but you can certainly buy sex. Jewelry, depending on the size and quantity, is a way to deal yourself a winning hand.
4. If you’re not winning, change tables. If your regular foreplay routine isn’t working, don’t waste your time doing something that’s not going to get you anywhere. Sometimes foreplay happens outside the bedroom. Running the vacuum cleaner can be almost as good, if not better, than oral sex.
5. Rub your rabbit’s “foot” for good luck. Watching a partner turn themselves on can definitely lead to a “double down.”
6. 69 is always lucky.
7. Don’t hold off for the bigger win. If you’ve got her chips fully stacked (and hopefully yours too), cash them in. You don’t need to play all night long. Take the big score and go home.
8. Never bet on sports. Take it easy and just do what you do best. Leave the twisting and flipping to Olympic athletes. If anything, just make for damn sure to stick your landing.
You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.
Kristen Chase left a job as a college music professor for her current career as stay-at-home-mother of four. When she's not perusing the local adult bookstores and foot fetish websites, she is the publisher and CEO of Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes on her personal blog, Motherhood Uncensored, as well as various other online outlets. Her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex, was published in 2010.
