It seems that you can’t open a newspaper, magazine, or hell, an email from a friend and not read about
a politician’s wife,
a celebrity’s spouse, or someone close to you suffering at the hands of their husband’s wandering eye.
Or really, dick.
While definitely a dying breed, most logical humans realize that there had to be something gone awry before the lousy husband decided to take the plunge into some other woman’s pussy. Life happens, communication breaks down, and all the issues that either or both parties never resolved as singletons come into play when they’re unable to cope with what’s been dealt to them.
Amidst the anger, guilt, and deception, both parties own some responsibility for not identifying that something was wrong before something went wrong. When sat down and forced to rewind their lives frame-by-frame, chances are that both the husbands and wives would be caught in some sort of action that led to the negative reaction.
So why then is it inevitable that someone will speculate that the wife didn’t do her job?
And we’re not talking about ironing his shirts, or folding his socks, or standing beside him through his midlife crisis which probably included a motorcycle, poorly placed tribal tattoo, and gym membership. We’re talking about making sure his manhood got the personal training and exercise regimen it’s entitled to.
Somehow women are not only responsible for juggling babies and careers, they’re in charge of juggling their husband’s balls as well. Not only must they care for their children and their jobs, but they’ve got to do it all while ensuring that their husband’s penis is regularly and adequately sucked.
And if they can’t keep up the rigorous schedule, then of course the husbands would go elsewhere to have their needs properly met.
The load of biological bullshit that these idiots quote to support the notion that men can’t be monogamous does nothing but insult the men who came up with the data in the first place.
“Men are animalistic in nature and from an entirely different planet therefore they cannot be tied down to one mate.”
Interpretation: Men are bloody idiots and should be left alone to jack off in a cave.
What men are not good at is communicating, emoting, and empathizing, all of which have little to do with nature and more to do with their upbringing. Our grandmothers raised men to be strong and unmoved by anything, even war. Our own mothers followed in their footsteps with sons whose emotion piqued only when their team won the Super Bowl or the World Series.
Women find stoicism sexy and yet are hurt and despaired when the only emotional support they can get from their husbands is a quick snuggle after intercourse with their penis still nestled inside their vagina.
While women aren’t causing their husbands to trade them in for a newer model, there’s something to be said about how those same women are raising their sons – sons that will become men. Sons that are instructed to “suck it up” and “be a man” even by their own mothers who are probably wishing that their own spouses would consider shedding a completely unmanly tear over more than just his perfectly green lawn.
And although there may not be a clear solution to the problem, the public apologies and the subversive blame have become tiresome and meaningless. Maybe it’s less about requiring our boys to be the best “men” they can be and more about being the best “women.”
A little personal time with some control top pantyhose, a wrinkle cream, and a couple of tampons shoved into some strategic places sounds like a very good start.
