Mominatrix

Too hot to be a mom?

By Kristen Chase
Recently, the Mominatrix interviewed a celebrity, during which he commented that she was "too hot to be a mom."

At face value, the comment was pretty flattering. After having a few kids, heck, even just one, it doesn't take a celebrity offering some sort of flattering remark about one's appearance to make them quietly orgasm.

Those construction worker cat calls or "hey babys" have never been so welcome. You've probably even felt a little tingle when someone cards you.

But then you realize that if you're too hot to be a mom, then that means he, along with plenty of other people, don't think moms are very hot.

And sadly, he's probably not that far off.

Of course, the definition of "hot" is fairly subjective, and is often associated with skinny, gorgeous, unattainably beautiful celebrities, which many women, even those who are not moms, could never ever hold a candle to. But add in the physically and emotionally challenging act of having and/or raising a child and this level of "hotness" is some sort of urban myth that is saved for those who have the money to hire a complete staff and an on-call plastic surgeon.

But that doesn't mean that when you become a mom you have to completely let yourself go. Nor does it mean that you can never be "hot."

There's absolutely nowhere in any sort of parenting book that says you must lose your style, taste, and ability to use a hair dryer when you become a mother. Sure, you won't be walking out of the house wearing an evening gown and a full face of make-up, but who says you have to dress yourself in something that screams, "I've given up?"

It seems as though the instant that many women pop out their babies, they're instantly sucked into a capri-pant-and-ponytail-wearing vacuum. Or worse, they somehow rationalize the "cut it short because it's easier" hairdo.

They should castrate the hairstylists that willingly allow moms to do that to themselves.

Now you can continue to tell yourself that you feel "hot" in your scrappy mom duds and makeshift hairstyle. But if that's the case, why do you actually get done up for any type of "event" -- like a school meeting, a dinner out, a place where you might see other people you know?

If you really felt hot on a daily basis, then you wouldn't need to spend four hours trying to figure out what to wear for a simple coffee meet-up with friends.

And furthermore, this whole "I don't have enough time to even wash my hair" is a load of bullshit, save those early months when you're just trying to keep your baby fed and changed, and yourself clean and toileted. But otherwise, you spend your time making sure your teeny tiny baby -- who by the way does nothing else but eat, sleep, and poop and later talks and whines (if they're super advanced) -- is outfitted in matching clothes and booties.

And they can't even hold their own head up yet.

But you forgo the shower, the hair washing, even using the bathroom when you actually have to use it, and leave the house wearing clothes that you'd probably never have your kids caught dead in.

So forget the ridiculousness of how that sounds, because read that a few times -- it sounds insane.

But then think about what message that sends to your kids.

"Mommy's not worth it."

Considering all the mundane and complicated tasks you complete on a daily basis -- like, oh, the raising of the next generation of doctors, lawyers, even the President of the United States, then hell yes you are worth it.

You are worth spending more money than your children on clothing.

You are worth taking 5 minutes to put on some make-up before you leave the house.

You are worth finding 20 minutes to exercise and shave off some of those pounds.

Who said "hotness" required a ton of effort? The truth is, taking time for yourself doesn't take much effort at all. But it does take believing that you deserve those meager 30 minutes or so from your day. And really, you'll probably find that being a "hot mom" takes less time than anything else you were not doing to yourself before.

If moms continue to find excuses to sacrifice their own appearances and well-beings for the sake of everyone else around them except themselves, then they deserve to be stereotyped. Your kids don't ask you for all of your time. Nor do they require it. You're making the choice to sacrifice yourself and your hotness for the sake of your kids.

Here's hoping that the next time someone -- celebrity or not -- learns that he's surrounded by a bunch of moms, he'll say, "Well of course you are. Moms are hot."


You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.


Kristen Chase left a job as a college music professor for her current career as stay-at-home-mother of four. When she's not perusing the local adult bookstores and foot fetish websites, she is the publisher and CEO of Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes on her personal blog, Motherhood Uncensored, as well as various other online outlets. Her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex, was published in 2010.

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