Mominatrix

Touch Me, Baby

By Kristen Chase
When you’ve been stuck for however many hours a day being bugged, badgered, and bothered by little hands grabbing at you from every direction, chances are the last thing that you want is to be groped by your well-meaning spouse. I’m not quite sure what possesses the dad-species to believe that any woman, particularly when she just spent a large part of the day staring at her own kid’s butt, would want to be grabbed upon hers. I mean, I’m the first to admit that my tired, cheerio-crumb covered ass, covered in pants that could grab back on their very own are hardly grope material. In fact, my own father-in-law gave me a smack-grope. It’s clear that I’m far from attracting the right sort of people. .

And yet, our spousal units insist on the ass smacks, the boob grabs, and every mom’s favorite, the crotch claw.

Now when I was a young singleton with a taut crotch and an ass that didn’t require regular maintenance, I loved the not-so-tender touches from my partner. Like a kid in a candy store, how could my partner walk by my tasty treats without reaching into the jar?

But I’m the first admit that since having two children, my treats are not always so tasty. In fact, on most nights, they require quite a bit of extra seasoning. It has less to do with my spouse being uninterested in my new post-motherhood body, and more to do with me accepting the change and realizing what it is that I need.

There’s part of me that wants to be treated like nothing ever changed -- like I’m still the young hot thing that could stand on my head during sex and give four-hour blow jobs. And maybe I still can do those things. Except now when I stand on my head I’m hit in  the face with belly rolls before losing consciousness. And the blow jobs are interrupted by a screaming baby and power naps. 

But then there’s this other part of me that knows things are most certainly not the same and quite frankly, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging it. Actually, many of us do; I tend to think it’s our spouses that are in denial.

Maybe they think we don’t want to be treated any differently, that we want to know that our stretch-marked covered bellies still give them the same erection that our mostly taut stomachs did just a few years back. No woman really wants to hear that her body just isn’t as attractive to her spouse any more. But I’m pretty sure we all know that the post-partum body isn’t going to have the same “wow” effect that our bodies might have had prior to having kids.

My boobs certainly scare the shit out of me every time I hop out of the shower and catch a peek.

The truth is, it’s not just our bodies that have changed. Our sexual needs have too. When our bodies are like a 24-hour diner and jungle gym for our children, we need the parts that have pretty much stayed the same to be acknowledged and touched. After a long day with the kids, I long for my spouse to cup my face in his hand, for him to stroke my somewhat greasy, but still pretty soft hair, or put his arm around my waist. I’d love for him to hold my hand while we’re sitting on the couch or just kiss me softly while we’re lying in bed.

And while that’s not to say I enjoy being treated as the sexual being that I am and always will be, sometimes a tender touch and a soft subtle stroke are exactly what will turn me on and make me believe, if only for a moment, that my flapping arms and saddle bags are just a figment of my imagination.


You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.


Kristen Chase left a job as a college music professor for her current career as stay-at-home-mother of four. When she's not perusing the local adult bookstores and foot fetish websites, she is the publisher and CEO of Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes on her personal blog, Motherhood Uncensored, as well as various other online outlets. Her book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex, was published in 2010.

MORE ON THE WEB

blog comments powered by Disqus

More Columnists:

Mother Magnetism
Permanent eyeliner, blush techniques, discontinued makeup colors, and the next hot idea in skincare.
By Kelly Reising

Growing Pains
The Autumn Wife
By Elizabeth Thompson

Growing Pains
Dirty Hands, Smart Mouth
By Elizabeth Thompson

Growing Pains
The Ides and Crooked Teeth of March
By Elizabeth Thompson

Dinner for One
Brides, Boys and Bellyaches
By Susan Courtad

Google
The Imperfect Parent Web

Home -> Columnists -> Mominatrix

Subscribe to our feed Follow us on TwitterFind us on Facebook
 
1
"Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault." -- Dr. David M. Burns