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Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, Baby |
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Is my husband masturbating in the shower while I sleep soundly for the entire night still considered a sexual fantasy? I suppose if you prodded a bit more, you’d get some canned response about a lovely weekend in Paris with their spouse, a couples massage ending in a night of hot passionate love with their spouse, or even a tango at work after hours under their desk. With their spouse. Spouse? Now, I know that there are many moms out there that deeply love their spouses, I being one of them, but my sexual fantasies have absolutely nothing to do with my life partner. I mean, we do have our whole lives or, if you’re not into the soul mate thing, a fairly long period of time together. I see the man when I wake up and when I go to sleep on most days, and on special occasions I get to see him pee and fart. Sometimes at the same time. And in that same vein, he’s dealing with a pregnant mother of two with a hankering for saggy track pants, sports bras, and bean burritos. So no matter how hard I try, it will be pretty hard trying to imagine my husband as a suave, playboy out to pick me up, considering I can barely dream away the stretch marks on my ass. But the real sexual fantasies, you know, the ones during my own personal time, be it daydreaming or masturbating, I tend to keep to myself. I mean, I’m not sure how much good it would do for my husband to reenact the first hook-up I had with my college boyfriend. Talk about a mood killer. Now my sexual fantasies have evolved from hopping into Ricky Schroeder’s sleeping bag as part of an episode of Silver Spoons back when I was a middle school girl to doing it in the airplane bathroom with this hot guy that happened to sit next to me on a flight back home for the holidays a few years ago. Each one is sacred to me – something that I either experienced or concocted as a single sexual someone – and I don’t feel as though I need to share them with anyone else. I imagine there will be some folks that believe you should be able to share even your deepest and darkest desires with your spouse. And I’m not necessarily opposed to it. I mean, if you’re ready to hear that your spouse fantasizes about all his old girlfriends and their roommates in some massive sexual free-for-all, then by all means, tell him about your fantasies. So I figure, there’s no need for me to know about all that nonsense, why does he need to know about all mine? And honestly, who ever said a woman can’t have things that are her own and no one else’s? It seems that when we’re required to give almost everything of ourselves for the sake of our kids and our families, it’s nice to have something, like that hot guy at the party who you should have gone home with but didn’t, that’s all yours. So whatever I reminisce about sexually, or create from scratch in my extremely imaginative mind, none really ever include my spouse. And until I decide to lock myself up in a room with a vibrator, shunning all sexual contact from the man I married, I think I’ll keep it that way. You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential. |
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1. amma
Feb 29, 2008 11:27
I actually could not be or stay married to someone I couldn't fantasize about. I'm not saying I don't have a rich fantasy life, but my spouse makes regular appearances there. If he didn't, I'd be out the door pretty quick {we are both middle aged, together over a decade, with one child}. I think it helps too that we both take care of ourselves and frankly, DON'T fart around each other, etc. I don't want to feel like I'm living with my brother or best friend. A little distance, a little mystery...is hot! I wouldn't piss/fart in front of anyone I was ever hoping to ever have hot sex with. I'd rather have another kind of intimacy.2. prescott
Feb 29, 2008 11:33
I fart *during* sex. Is that bad?3. kgal
Mar 01, 2008 17:17
I'm not sure why women would fantasize about their spouses when hopefully your spouse would do anything you asked them to do -- & therefore is no longer a fantasy. Fantasies are meant to stay fantasies, and I think a healthy imagination does a body good. I agree with the author and wouldn't want to hear my spouse's fantasies, so I won't be sharing mine. And, I'm lucky to have an incredible sex life with my husband, even though we have two kids under the age of 5.4. Scott
Mar 02, 2008 15:16
Wow! That was hilarious and enlightening! Thanks!5. Elizabeth
Mar 04, 2008 13:09
I don't think about my husband EVER when I masturbate. And if I need an extra "push" while we are having sex? I don't conjure up a fantasy involving him either. I don't feel one bit guilty about it! I didn't marry him because he was a "fantasy" guy, I married him because I love HIM, you know?