Home -> Columnists -> Mominatrix | ||
 |
||
Valentine's Day, Mominatrix Style |
||
| |
||
|
If you’re like me, then you’ve done the whole Valentine’s Day ritual, which includes some combination of uncomfortable lingerie, candlelit dinner, and fairly unmemorable sex, not because you’re not incredibly into it, but because after breastfeeding your child three to four times a night, you’re drunk and almost catatonic after one glass of champagne. And really, what’s another diamond that your child will either rip off your neck or out of your ear, or use as a teething toy and possibly choke on? So this year, instead of grabbing some random card with a bright red envelope and a few pairs of underpants that you’ll just end up using to toddler proof the kitchen cabinets, I’ve decided that perhaps Valentine’s Day should be more than just the end-all-be-all of romanticism. We all have about four thousand other things to do than sprinkle rose petals on a bed that probably hasn’t been properly slept in for a very long time. Maybe Valentine’s Day should be the beginning of a rekindling romance. Or better, a resolve to be attentive to the sexual needs of yourself and your partner all year long. Okay. So we’re parents. While that might be overshooting it by 300 days, give or take a day thanks to the leap year, quite frankly, we all know better than to be sucked into this commercialized holiday that tries to sell us French maid costumes and vibrating love monkeys. And what will those dress-up clothes and toys that for most of us are strewn about our kids’ playrooms for us to dutifully fold and pack away on a daily basis do for our dwindling libidos? If we really wanted to make the most of Valentine’s Day, we’d put away the cheesy musical cards and flavored love potions, and make a conscious decision to work on our love relationship. That means not just on February 14th, but the 15th, and for you crazy people, even the 16th. You know, when there aren’t red sequin heart panties blinding us from the aisles and only our regular boring routine that includes sex on a long list of other “to-dos” that often don’t just get done. For some of you, it means making a joined effort to try new and exciting things in the bedroom. Grab a Karma Sutra book or subscribe to Babeland’s newsletter and try a new sexual position or a different sex toy each month. For others, it’s making time to have sex at least once a week, or even, once a month. Give up your lattes and use the extra cash to book a babysitter -- or if you’re fortunate, your family members -- well in advance, and try out some local bed and breakfasts. Besides, if they’re local, it’s not like you need to check out the scenery. The literal bed and breakfast is just perfect. And for a few (or more) of you, it might be high time to sit down with your partner and seek some intensive relationship support, either through an online resource like eHarmony Marriage or a real-life counselor or therapist. The Mominatrix is all for jumping on a bandwagon, or better, a band (of the British variety in particular), when it comes to anything having to do with sex. But instead of wasting all your hard saved energy and expectations on one special night, why make Valentine’s Day your sexual new year. Besides, I’m betting the resolutions you make for this “new year” will be way more satisfying to keep. You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential. |
||
| ||
5 Responses to "Valentine's Day, Mominatrix Style"Leave a comment: | ||
| ||
Home -> Columnists -> Mominatrix |
| ||
IMPERFECTION IN YOUR INBOX
 | ||
 | ||
| ||
POPULAR RIGHT NOW
Coffee or Tea, Which One is for Me? When I registered as an Independent, I did so because... read more » The Ides and Crooked Teeth of March According to the old saying, the month of March usually... read more » Why I'm tired of the GOP There's no doubt (except perhaps among loyal listeners... read more » |
About The Imperfect Parent | Submission Guidelines | Press | Contact Us | Advertise on The Imperfect Parent | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use
All original content © 2002 - 2010 The Imperfect Parent™ and Tiny Tantrums Media. The Imperfect Parent and Mominatrix are trademarks of Prudentia Communications Group.
The views, opinions and information expressed in articles and blog posts published on imperfectparent.com and all subdomains are those of the authors alone. They do not represent the views or opinions of The Imperfect Parent or its staff, nor do they represent the views or opinions of any entity of, or affiliated with, The Imperfect Parent and Prudentia Communications Group. The Imperfect Parent is designed for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to be a substitute for medical, health, legal, or financial advice from a professional.
Reproduction of material from any of The Imperfect Parent's pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. The Imperfect Parent and Tiny Tantrums are trademarks of Prudentia Communications Group.
1. Ask Wifey
Jan 25, 2008 09:21
Great advice! But, can I please keep the chocolates!2. Stacey
Jan 26, 2008 14:01
Great article and great advice! I plan to take this to heart (crappy pun intended!)!3. Dana Tuszke
Jan 26, 2008 14:23
Okay. So I'm reading this post yesterday, nodding my head. And the hubs walks over and stands behind me, reading over my shoulder.And he says, "So who is this Mominatrix and why are you taking her advice?"
And I say, "Because, dammit, she's smart."
And he says, "What does she look like?"
I reply, "Why does this matter?"
He says, "Is she hot?"
I say, "Absofuckinglutely."
He says, "Gotta picture?"
So we click over to MU and he looks at your photo and says, "Holy shit, she looks like Phoebe Cates!"
And I'm like, "Who?"
Which led to us watching some 80's movie about high school starring this Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Jason Leigh...Fast Times at Ridgemont High, or something. I'd never seen it before, but yeah....You resemble Phoebe Cates! Accoding to my hubs this is "way cool".
Longest comment I've ever written, but at least it had a point!
4. Kris
Feb 13, 2008 17:35
I am wanting to make some "sex bucks" for my husband for Valentines. He can use this anytime during the year. I am needing some ideas for the dollars...help!!!5. Joan25QB
Feb 16, 2010 18:24
I do opine that the expository essay composing seems to be the most time wasting process. However, people count on the essay writing service support every time when it's demanded.