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Jingle Balls
By Kristen Chase |
December 21, 2007
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Read more: sex, mominatrix, foreplay
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The balls, testicles, gonads, or whatever you’ve christened them are probably one of the more mysterious aspects of sexual play. Most of us have spent our time trying to figure out the long and short of the penis thus leaving the testicles out of the pleasure equation, or at least, as a total afterthought. But more so I believe it’s because guys are generally so protective of them that they seem to be off limits. Make a quick move near the ball sack and men contort themselves into some pretty weird positions. So, when the hint is made that perhaps mommy should move the ball play from the court into the bedroom, it’s not surprising that women around the world unite in a rousing “huh?”
I’ve heard women get squeamish just talking about the balls, which really doesn’t make any sense considering that no mysterious substances shoot out of them. I mean, if you’re putting a penis in your mouth, what’s a couple of hairy balls? And while many of us can attest to the unique aroma that tends to waft from a pair of sweaty ones, it might behoove you to not engage in ball play directly after your husband has been mowing the lawn, or hell, even sitting on them in his polyester work pants for most of the day. I mean, unless you’ve got some special kind of underwear, your girl probably doesn’t smell like the perfume counter either.
So if you’re going to attempt to juggle the balls, make sure that your husband has undergone a ball maintenance session. Ball play should not resemble a jungle expedition. I’m fairly certain that if you mention your interest, he’d be more than happy to wash them down and trim them up for just that special occasion.
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Now if there’s anything to know about testicles, it is that they are extremely sensitive. That may or may not be a very good thing. I liken caressing the balls to getting a massage; just the right pressure can be heavenly, but a hand that is too heavy or too light can totally ruin the experience and really kill the mood. While you might be tempted to swat at them, swing them back and forth, or grab and tug, check with your partner before using them as a speed bag.
And so, here are a few helpful hints, none of which include teabagging (we’ll save that for when he gets thrown in the slammer or is trying to pledge for a fraternity), that will definitely give those lonely balls some attention:
Licking the balls: A little tongue action can be extremely titillating, particularly if you’re providing oral pleasure and you just so happen to continue down to the testicles.
Cupping the balls: Make sure to include the balls in your mutual masturbation sessions. And if you’re unsure as to what type of pressure your partner enjoys (and you don’t feel comfortable saying “how do you want me to grab your balls?”), then allow him to use your hand to show you.
Mouthing the balls: Some men enjoy having their testicles placed in their partner’s mouth. It takes a bit of practice, particularly if you’re not so great with holding things in your mouth without wanting to chew them.
Squeezing the balls: It’s fairly common knowledge that a little squeeze of the balls will heighten your partner’s orgasm. Just be careful because your type of squeeze might not be their type of squeeze.
Pleasuring yourself with the balls: Try playing around with the balls on your own self. It might be a nice change from the dick and the hand.
And if you’re not feeling the ball love, just remember that they are the ones in charge the magic love stick. It’s probably a smart thing to keep them happy.
 The Mominatrix decided to sexify the new blog aggregate Alltop, and her super hot badge has made it to the finals. Go vote every day (look for "The only spot for me is Alltop") and help her win this damn thing.
You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential.
Mominatrix logo by Karen Rani
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