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Sex for One. |
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Keep in mind that I’m a mother. Finding time to shower alone and uninterrupted for longer than five minutes is a miracle -- let alone a good twenty for a little self-pleasure. When it comes to masturbation, clearly men have the advantage. Granted most of us don’t have to deal with the disposing of large amounts of fluids into shower drains or socks, but for women, there’s just a bit more involved than a Big Jugs magazine, a bottle of lotion, and a commercial break. Clearly, we require a bit of ambience. And I’m not talking about candlelight, a bottle of wine, and Johnny Depp. I’m talking about the pacifiers, diapers, and um, babies off on your bed. I can assure you that a screaming snot-nosed child has never entered one of my sexual fantasies, thus the presence of one, no matter how cute he might be, instantly kills any inkling of motivation to masturbate that might randomly strike me during the day. And, unless you’re a Level 4 High Wizard Black Belt Masturbator Champion, it take can take a little bit of time to lose the mommy persona, including those baby food stained pajama pants, and get down and dirty with Brad. And George. At the same time. I mean, they both will need to have their way with me. And that’s way longer than my son’s current non-nap. So if you are able to find a bit of time to pleasure yourself, I bet you, like many women, decide to use the time for other more pressing issues, like laundry, dishes, or the always popular toilet scrubbing. Don’t roll your eyes. I’m almost certain that many of you would rather clean your floor than your clock if you had an extra few minutes during your day. And sadly, after having my way with the Method omop on our hardwood, I never underestimate the power of a sparkly clean floor. But really, I’m betting that most moms would choose a big fat nap over a big fat orgasm any day. And it’s certainly not because we don’t want a mid-day mindblower or seven. But the chance to sleep a few extra hours is like good foreplay. And a full night’s sleep might just be better than coming. So until you’re able to make a lengthy stop at masturbation station, don’t let your prized sex toy waste away in your nightstand drawer. Instead, I suggest loading it up with fresh batteries and setting it up against your child’s crib. Look, if you can’t get off, the least you can do is get some fucking sleep. Wow. I almost had an orgasm just thinking about it. You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential. |
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1. celebrate woo-woo
Nov 09, 2007 20:31
Wow; I'm just going to have to be grateful for my quick-orgasming nature. I think 5 minutes is quite a lengthy solo session for me when accompanied by battery-operated assistance. If I'm in desperate need of a tension release, then I can get it done in under a minute. This also works similarly when someone else is doing the work, too...I'd make a terrible lover if I was male;>