Playing for the other team.

I’m not quite sure why some men are surprised when after years of quick bangs, skid marks, and foreplay that involves bra snapping and ass scratching, women decide that what they really need is the comfort of another woman’s bosom.

Going the gay way is not really a black and white issue, as sexuality (like gender) exists on a continuum; people that are less likely to fall on the extreme sides of gay and straight are more likely evenly spread out on a long line of gray.

Thanks to our “all or nothing” society, few moms actually admit to having homosexual desires, except for the time when they were drunk on spring break and doing body shots off some half-naked girl. But then you have a gay dream, get turned on by the sight of a naked woman, and even fantasize about doing one – all when stone cold sober with two babies and a husband warming the Lazyboy in the living room.

Clearly these experiences don’t taint your sexuality, nor do they make you any less of a straight, married, mother of small humans. More realistically, they make you a sexual human.

As women, we’ve got a bit of an advantage when it comes to exploring our interest in other women. Don’t think I’m offering the lame argument that if you have sex with someone of the same gender then it’s not cheating. I’m pretty sure some 26-year-old dude came up with that rationale to get his girlfriend to do a threesome. But what I am saying is that girl-on-girl action is decidedly more acceptable in our male-driven society. Hearing a straight man admit that seeing two dudes kiss might be sort of hot doesn’t happen so often, and it’s certainly not because it never crossed his mind. There’s a better chance that he thought it but then shoved it down into his subconscious along with everything else that society deems inappropriate. An honest man is the man who admits to having a gay dream.

So if Ms. Pussy is speaking louder to you than good old Mr. Dick, don’t run out and get your pink triangle tattoo just yet. Here are a few suggestions that might help you make sense out of your newfound (or old-found but suddenly resurfacing) desire for another woman:

1. Don’t feel bad, weird, or abnormal. In fact, I’d say if you’ve never had any attraction to someone of the same gender (even at the most remote levels), that’s probably more weird that not. And if you haven’t yet, go check out Jackie Warner and get back to me.


2. Take a moment to figure out what about women is desirable to you. It could just be that you’re dying for more oral, or at a deeper level, you need a bit more intimacy than two hairy balls dangling over your head can offer. While saying that women use emotion to establish intimacy might seem stereotypical, it’s actually not far from the truth. It could be that you just need a softer touch, conversation that doesn’t involve kids, and someone to take care of you for once.


3. Explore your sexual attraction to women through other avenues. Grab a few Playboys – no one will know the difference and in fact, you’ll look like the really cool wife. Pick up some girl-on-girl porn and watch it with your spouse. Chances are you won’t hear him complaining and it might just be enough to satisfy your inner lesbian. And no one needs to know about your fantasies. Consider creating your own encounters of the female kind when you masturbate. Sometimes that can be enough to fulfill whatever desires you might be having.

And if all else fails, you could ask your husband to dress up like a woman. Just be prepared for the ramifications. He might actually really like it. And that is a whole other ball of wax.