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Good girls have pubes. |
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But now I have kids and I barely have time to wash my crotch let alone trim the trimmings. And while I’m all for au natural, I’m just not up for having to go up an underwear size because my pubic hair makes it look like I have more than a vagina in my pants. Plus, the ability to corn row anything other than the hair on my head is a clear sign that there’s a pubes emergency. And so I decided that my Phil Spector needed to do a Britney Spears. The notion of the bald pussy lends itself to various negative connotations. For some reason, lack of pubic hair means you have porn star -- or worse, pre-pubescent girl -- envy. This is closely followed by the insinuation that a woman with a hairless beaver does it because her husband likes it. C’mon. Isn’t that a wee bit sexist? I mean, unless your husband asks you to do it so he can give you nightly unbridled oral sex and mind blowing multiple orgasms. And so, could it be that moms just do it because it makes them feel hot and sexy? Now I understand the methods of hair removal may seem more complicated and time consuming than actually leaving it there. But I assure you that there are several options that might just be the ticket to your sexual awakening. Shaving: While an ominous task at first, shaving is a viable option for moms who are afraid of the scary Russian woman and her big pot of wax. The initial shave could take longer than the labor of your first child, so be prepared. Get a babysitter, rent a shop vac, and take your time. Most moms just shave every single time they’re in the shower; do your legs and just keep going up – with the grain of the hair, of course. And make sure you’ve got a good shaving gel, a handy mirror, a set of scissors, and some clippers around. Depending on your skill level, you might want to enlist the help of your spouse (who might find this incredibly titillating). I have to say I was instantly turned on during the initial shave, but considering the smoothness only lasted for a good 6 hours, it was pretty short lived. I’m all for a 5 o’clock shadow – on Brad Pitt, that is. And tired mommy with sharp razor and sensitive labial folds in a dark bathroom with a screaming baby in his crib might not be the best equation. So, if you’re not a frequent shower taker or shaver, this might not be the right method for you. Hair Removal Lotions: I must admit that any stinky chemical that melts away hair and includes a shopping list long warning label and time limit before “skin will become red and raw” is enough to make me grab a razor. Add my crotch into the mix and I’d rather pull out my hair with tweezers. My opinion: Just say no. Waxing: If you have had a kid, epidural or not, then you can endure a wax. Now I know the thought of some woman in white ripping your very precious pubic hairs out with large gobs of wax seems a bit disconcerting, just keep in mind that you let some doctor and about 14 nurses feel around in there. And sure, you got a kid out of the mix, but think about how pretty and smooth your peach will be. It’s almost just as good. Find a legitimate establishment -- or better, a personal recommendation -- and make sure you’ve got at least a quarter-inch of hair, but not too long; if you can braid your bush, you should trim before you go. Rumor has it a mild pain reliever prior to the visit will help. If you’re not comfy getting everything ripped out (or too afraid), just go for the outer lips and have her leave a little landing strip. If you’re feeling brave, or you’re engrossed in a conversation about your cute waxer’s two bull dogs like me, then try the inner lips. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not nearly as bad as I thought. You know, for all your crotch hair getting ripped out and all. And it was almost worth it just to be sans kids and totally focused on me for a full 45 minutes. If you’re still completely unconvinced, I challenge you to a Mominatrix crotch makeover. Try it for a few weeks and tell me what you think. Sure your crotch might get a little cold at night and those pubic gnomes might need to find a new home. But it could be the difference between sex and crazy passionate love making. And these days, I’d be willing to lose more than my pubic hair for some of that. You know you have questions for the Mominatrix -- come on, don't be shy, email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. Identities are kept strictly confidential. |
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1. Pissed Off Housewife
Apr 22, 2007 22:43
I'm blushing for you.But glad you chose bare.
An IUD and a good waxing is all a marriage really needs.
2. happybell
May 04, 2007 12:20
I shaved everytime I showered, trim, etc. Honestly, it was a nag. I had to do it constantly so it kept being smooth. Anyway, now I have a "full wax" -that's ALL off- and never been happier. It's more higenic, comfortable, and yes my hubby loves it...and I love that he does...and what he does!!3. Christa
Jun 29, 2007 17:40
Oh, wow, I am completely inspired to try this- thank you for giving me that little bit more courage that I needed (and for telling me how much to trim off before making an appointment!).4. Dizzy
Jul 25, 2007 15:04
The best way I have found to keep neat and trim - I have my hubby do it for me. He gives me the old fashioned treatment. Which includes super hot water and a hot cloth to soften it up first. And I must say that we have some of out hottest sex after the trim is done - cuz I get a Monster Massage in the Most Important area when he is all done!!!5. Lieren
Oct 06, 2007 13:58
As a woman who doesn't grow a tropical forest down there, I find the fact that hairless women set themselves up as somehow sexually superior quite tiresome. I love most of your articles and found this one less offensive than most, but wanted to add my 2 cents... it's perfectly acceptable to keep the pubes.6. phenomenalmama
Feb 12, 2009 10:22
My ex wasn't into the bare look, but my new BF convinced me to give it a try....and I have to say, I highly enjoy it. I don't believe that it makes me "sexually superior" as one other poster suggested, but I do feel like whole new world has been opened up to me.At the very least, a good trim job should be the status quo. It doesn't need to be a jungle down there...
7. Rusti
Nov 11, 2009 14:33
OMG - hilarious!! love this! keep it coming :)8. April
Nov 16, 2009 01:20
Actually, I go with the Cream option every single time. Shaving leaves me irritated with ingrown hairs all over the place (and I happen to think that's even less attractive than the hairy jungle look), and waxing leaves me with bruises, and more ingrown hairs. The cream takes 3 minutes, doesn't miss any spots, and it can be done as often as I feel like (if I shave once, I can't do it again for at least 10 days or else it hurts like hell). There are some serious pros to this method that might have been worth discussing.9. Alex
Feb 06, 2010 16:21
I'm only 24, so young by most standards, but I prefer women with a full natural bush. There is nothing sexier to me. I've been with my fair share of women, and I find most shave, which disappoints me. The thought of a woman my senior with a full natural bush is too much to handle. More women should keep it natural. I'm not looking for a little girl, I'm looking for woman. The woman of 70's/80's playboy are the definition of sexy to me.Just my two cents...
10. Skye
Feb 11, 2010 21:17
So, I am a college student who has no money for the creams and definitely not the waxing. I find it easy to shave once every few weeks, just using soap. Then again...I guess if I could, I would try the other options. But ripping hair out...I've heard of electrolysis hair removal, and I am wondering if that would be more effective? I remember something along the lines of the hairs being removed for good. I would go for that, if I had the money-because mine is always just plain itchy. Blegh.