No more Mrs. Nice Mom -- a sex column for parents by Kristen Chase


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Mominatrix reviews "50 Shades of Grey"
Up until four months ago, no one had ever really heard of 50 Shades of Grey. But now it’s the only thing that anyone can talk about. Of course, they were probably the same people who completely ignored the erotic romance recommendations from every sex therapist and relationship... read more

Giving your partner a helping hand
Dear Mominatrix: I had a hysterectomy last month and I'm still on medical leave. At present I'm still physically "limited" in marital relations and will be for another month. Any advice? - C. You're not the only one with this situation... read more

Am I a horny old lady?
A few weeks ago, my husband called me "a horny old lady." I don't think he meant it to be a compliment, but I took it as one. An ad for some Ryan Reynolds movie was flashing across our television set, and as I scrambled to find the remote control... read more

How not to get pregnant.
If you’re just trying to catch your breath before getting knocked up again or are still deciding whether you’ll be adding more to your brood, you should probably consider using more than the pull-out method for birth control. And for the thousandth time, breastfeeding is not effective... read more

Valentine's Day, Mominatrix Style
I have to admit that I dread Valentine’s Day every single year. Maybe I sound terribly unromantic to complain about a meaningful box of chocolates and a dozen insanely overpriced roses that don’t make it past the end of the week, by which point I’ve consumed all the chocolates... read more

Last minute sexy gifts for hot couples.
He doesn't need another watch. She doesn't need another sweater. Treat yourselves to special holiday gifts that you can both enjoy together, over and over again. ... read more

Bad Boys Holiday Gift Guide
If you've got a bad boy on your holiday list this year, don't worry about what you're going to do. Get him to come for you with these gift suggestions that will make both of you feel so good. ... read more

Naughty Mom Holiday Gift Guide
Santa checked his list twice and could care less about nice. He's rewarding naughty moms this year with all sorts of goodies that will definitely make their holiday a very happy one. ... read more

My partner won't have sex with me, what am I doing wrong?
Sometimes all a sex life needs is a couple of sex toys and a well-timed reach around. Add in a little extra lube, a sex pillow, and some erotic romance novels and you might just be good as new. Or even better than you were before. But in some cases, there's just no amount of... read more

Mominatrix's Complete Guide to Mustache Rides
During the month of November each year, thousands of men across the United States and the world shave their faces clean and then grow all sorts of facial hair styles as part of "Movember" to help raise funds and awareness for men's health and... read more

Mominatrix goes on a boudoir photo shoot.
A few years ago as part of my Father's Day Guide, I recommended boudoir photos as a gift for the dad in your life. Or at least, the one you have sex with. But trying to find a photographer that specialized in... read more

Is your drug store turning into an adult fantasy playland?
Attention concerned citizens! The Mominatrix has been informed that there is a group of women called OneMillionMoms.com -- or actually 603 according to Twitter -- who have taken up a cause that may be of your interest as a parent.... read more

Mominatrix answers a reader's question about his wife's fantasies.
Dear Mominatrix: My wife and I went from an open marriage to almost divorced, but thankfully we managed to repair the damage and get our marriage back on track. No surprise that this set our sex life back a bit, but now she's starting to open up to me and has shared that... read more

Mominatrix gives the deets on her latest waxing encounter.
With my friendly neighborhood esthetician no longer in the area, it's been nearly a year since my last waxing encounter. Finding time to shave my legs let alone get a bikini wax is tough when you're a busy mom, in... read more

How do you tell your husband he's lousy in bed?
Dear Mominatrix: I love my husband -- he's an amazing father and treats me like a queen, but he's not that skilled in the bedroom. Help! - S. Well S., two out of three isn't that bad, but it's a fair complaint, and one that many women are too shy to... read more

The Mominatrix heads to a NYC sex party.
Last week, I was invited to attend the Durex "Get a Room" Party at the Gansvoort Park Hotel in Manhattan. What better way to spend a hump day evening than schmoozing and boozing... read more

Can guys take manscaping too far?
A few years ago, women were begging their men to tame their savage beast. Just because you're an animal in the bedroom doesn't mean you need to look like one. Hair doesn't necessarily belong everywhere, unless you're a gorilla. Evolution be damned, that's why God invented hot... read more

Do dads like "Go the F*ck to Sleep" because they're sexually repressed?
Of all the discourse that's been presented over the sleepy bestseller Go the F*ck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach, the recent Slate piece by Katie Roiphe definitely takes the cake.... read more

Is male nudity attractive to women?
Earlier this week, U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner finally admitted that he was responsible for accidentally sending the tweet photo of himself in his underpants to some poor young Seattle woman. Apparently, he thought... read more

Are anti-depressants zapping your sex drive?
At least once or twice a month, a mom finds her way to the Mominatrix in a search for her libido. Sometimes it's the desperate dads who end up here, hoping to find a fix to the lack of sexual desire that so many... read more

Five ways to spruce up your vag for spring
With the season's change, you'll find no shortage of helpful spring cleaning how-tos. Declutter your closet! Scrub your shower! Mop your floor so your husband can eat you off of it! Cleanliness is next to godliness, you know, and with all the naughtiness you've been up to in your bedroom,... read more

Give your vagina some damn respect.
Since having child #2, sex has been rather uncomfortable. The weird part is that #2 was a failed VBAC, so in theory, everything ought to be hunky dory down there. I labored with both kids, but since I didn't reach a pushing stage. Nevertheless, my perineum is sore so we have to be careful about position,... read more

Sesame Street should stick to the basics.
Several weeks ago, Sesame Street decided to pull a skit starring the bubble gum pop star Katy Perry, best known for kissing a girl, liking it, and then singing about it in a pair of spandex hot pants, and Elmo, a furry red monster best known for... read more

Make sex a priority.
You'll find no shortage of parents asking the Mominatrix the same damn question "How do I spice things up in the bedroom?"   Short answer: Buy The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex and leave it on your nightstand.  ... read more

How do I help my wife with her low sex drive?
Dear Mominatrix: My wife is a beautiful mother of 2 who says she has no sex drive- zero. What can I do to help? I tell her how beautiful she is? I tell her she's the only woman I fantasize about. I listen to her/ we're great friends -- I just want to help her in any way I can. Any... read more

Mominatrix makes the most of those hot pregnancy dreams
Most women are more than happy to trade in the sometimes endearing but mostly annoying symptoms of pregnancy. Of course, there’s always that one freakish mom whose body somehow found its zen state at around 32 weeks and makes it her mission to proclaim her love of the beautifully bloated baby body... read more

Too hot to be a mom?
Recently, the Mominatrix interviewed a celebrity, during which he commented that she was "too hot to be a mom." At face value, the comment was pretty flattering. After having a few kids, heck, even just one, it doesn't take a celebrity offering some sort of flattering remark... read more

Itty Bitty vs. Teeny Weeny
For years, women have complained about being superficially judged by men based on their breast size. Down with the sexist, chauvinist who declares his disinterest in itty-bitty titties.   Cue bra burning, hair pulling, and huge bills at plastic surgeons everywhere. Yes,... read more

Mental Orgasms for Moms
In a recent interview, inimitable Lady Gaga was quoted as saying she can give herself an orgasm without anything but her mind. "I love sex. You know, sense memory is a powerful thing. I can give... read more

Why the world needs Mominatrix
The irony of writing a sex column and sex book for parents is that there's a good chance it won't reach the moms who really need to read it. That's because according to a recent Harvard research study, of the 40% of women who identify having sex problems, only... read more

The Mominatrix reviews the OhMiBod Freestyle
Sex and music are intimately bound so it's no surprise that someone decided to connect them almost literally... read more

2010: A Sexual Resolution
UPDATE: The sexual resolution has begun -- see the list below or follow... read more

The Mominatrix's Quick Guide to Real Porn for Parents
Over the years, pornography has gotten a pretty bad rap from women, and for obvious reasons. For the most part, it's aimed at the male audience which tends to display women in a submissive and objectified position. But as women's appetite for porn has grown, so have the films that are made... read more

Mominatrix goes on the pole.
The art of striptease and pole dancing as an alternative exercise form is certainly not a new idea. After all, sex is considered... read more

How to have a sexy Thanksgiving
So you might have thought that Thanksgiving is not the sexiest of holidays, and you're probably right. Between family hovering over you, huge amounts of food rolling around in your belly, and the day long football fest, the last thing on your mind is probably sex. But considering the message... read more

Mominatrix visits the Liberator factory store.
Thanks to the invention of Internet, it's probably been a pretty long time since you've set foot in a sex store. And in most cases, especially if you're a parent, that's probably a good thing. It's hard enough trying... read more

Bringing sexy pregnancy back.
While sexualizing moms into MILFs has definitely become a questionable trend, the idea of turning a pregnant woman into a seductive stripper has presumably yet to be introduced outside of the members-only sex... read more

Mominatrix reviews the HBO show Hung.
These days, parents don't have to peruse the stacks of DVDs at their local sex shops or corrupt their hard drive with downloads upon downloads of porn to add a little spice to their decidedly bland bedrooms. Sure, if you want to watch some chick get banged sideways by a few greasy guys,... read more

Can men and women be 'just friends'?
Even before Harry and Sally discussed it on their long lonely car ride east, the age old question as to whether men and women can be "just friends" stumped even the most brilliant scholars. Some say "yes" while others... read more

Using frank language with your kids.
Sexually related words have always been the bastard children of the English language.  Granted, most of them are kept a secret for good reason.  But even the less controversial terms still seem to get a bad rap. Utter the words “vagina” and “penis” to... read more

The little blue pill -- does it do anything?
If you’re wondering why your husband suddenly has the sexual stamina of a porn star, you might suspect that he’s doing some sort of masturbation interval training to help improve his overall endurance. But then again, he’s probably been doing that since the 7th grade,... read more

Bedtime stories, Mominatrix style
If your schedule is anything like mine, then the last thing you probably read was the label of the children’s Tylenol bottle. Reading has become sort of an ancient art – a ritual celebrated by DINKS who have so much time... read more

G Marks the Spot
It’s nothing short of a miracle that between staring at tiny little butts and repeating yourself 427 times all day long you actually have the desire to have sex. So if you do, chances are you’re not that picky about what kind of orgasm you have. And really, these days types of orgasms are... read more

You'd be surprised what moms are fantasizing about.
If you peeked into the sexual minds of moms these days, you’d be surprised to see what they’ve been fantasizing about. Well, other than a month’s worth of free house cleaning and one full night of uninterrupted sleep of course. The obvious answer might be some hot celebrity,... read more

Heal the World Through Sex Toys
With the economy bottoming out and parents stashing their pennies under the mattress, the idea of spending money on sex toys is probably not an option. If you’re struggling to pay your mortgage and can barely afford to feed your family, a whopping dildo isn’t a purchase that’s easily... read more

Shave the Date: No Bush Left Behind
digg_url = 'http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/shave-the-date/699_1/'; My fellow Americans. Regardless of how you voted this past Tuesday,... read more

Frankengina
When it comes to scary moments, motherhood can beat out any horror movie hands down. A woman in labor could drown out even the best scream queen’s shrieks and Chucky is way cuter than a colicky baby. Of... read more

Orgasmic Birth
If you’ve been wondering where the hell your “Big O” went, apparently you might want to consider giving birth naturally. According to Orgasmic Birth, a new movie featuring personal vignettes and expert opinions from... read more

Daddy, what are you doing to Mommy?
All’s fair with love and sex until that wee one you produced after long months of robotic sex or that one drunken unmemorable screw is old enough to walk in on you doing the dirty deed. Here’s... read more

Those cheatin' hearts.
It seems that you can’t open a newspaper, magazine, or hell, an email from a friend and not read about a politician’s wife, a celebrity’s... read more

Getting lucky.
It’s no secret that today, 08/08/08, is considered the luckiest day this year – thousands of superstitious couples are scheduled to get hitched and hordes of preggos are being offered huge prizes just to pop one out. Lottery lines are already out the door and casinos have been booked for... read more

An added benefit to nipple piercing
Most women will tell you that the nipples are the gateway to getting in their pants. But after having them tugged, grabbed, and pulled by a baby or toddler, for some women, they end up acting as nothing more than a decorative boob ornament or temperature gauge. Basically, even if Brad Pitt was licking... read more

Mominatrix Sex Toy Smackdown: Travel Vibrators
With summer travel in full swing and moms already packing their fair share of battery operated toys for those long hellish family trips called “vacation,” the last thing they’ve got room for is their... read more

Mominatrix Salutes the Good Ol' USA
The 4th of July rings of beaches, barbecues, and beer, all in the name of good old American patriotism, of course. But instead of watching daddy lose a finger with a bunch of illegally purchased fireworks, why not set some of your own off in the bedroom and turn the red, white, and blue into red, white,... read more

Dealing with a globetrotting spouse.
With my own spouse gone most of the week and millions of other women playing single parent in one capacity or another thanks to military deployments and numerous companies requiring business travel, I’m betting that sex toy sales must be sky rocketing. But what many people probably don’t... read more

Mommy Mammaries
After two pregnancies and a combined three years of breastfeeding, my boobs have definitely seen better days. Granted I’m not yet picking them up off the ground and tucking them into my elastic waist band pants, but a bra is definitely required at almost all times. In fact, the bra must be factored... read more

Review: Hair Care Down There Ultimate Shaving Kit
While you’ve been off trying to recover from Spring Break, the traditional start of summer has arrived. And other than the countdown for wild children chasing you around for a straight three months beginning, it means one thing – Bathing suit season is upon us. There are probably... read more

Kickin' It Old School.
For many expectant mothers, the 2nd trimester does indeed bring with it a joyous and blissful renewal of body and spirit. Clearly it’s still not all puppy dogs and rose petals. But if you’ve been puking your guts out, or like me, suffering from brain-wrenching migraines, hitting that 16 week... read more

Sex for One, Again
I can’t count how many times I’ve picked up a self-help-your-sex-life book and read that getting away without your kids more often than not is the key to a fulfilled love life. Really? You mean one whole night where my where my spouse and I can just attach ourselves together by a hard appendage... read more

Pleasure is just around the corner.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just porn stars, ass men, and that ambiguously gay college boyfriend of yours who just so happened to own every single Cher album that like the butt play. Regular old moms like the butt action too. Granted, the post-baby butt... read more

Touch Me, Baby
When you’ve been stuck for however many hours a day being bugged, badgered, and bothered by little hands grabbing at you from every direction, chances are the last thing that you want is to be groped by your well-meaning spouse. I’m not quite sure what possesses the dad-species to believe... read more

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, Baby
If you ask any mother about her sexual fantasies, chances are they’d probably have more to do with sleep than any specific sexual act. Is my husband masturbating in the shower while I sleep soundly for the entire night still considered a sexual fantasy? I suppose... read more

It's the Final Countdown.
I’m not sure I remember exactly when my husband and I had the dreaded sexual history conversation. It’s not like one of us kept count of our past conquests in some spiral bound Garfield notebook or anything. Who does that? And while I know we’re all virgins... read more

Blow Off Your Duty
I recently likened giving fellatio to making brown-bag lunches for your spouse. It starts out as this beautiful gesture that you offer to him, and then becomes an obligation. And when it’s expected,... read more

Jingle Balls
The balls, testicles, gonads, or whatever you’ve christened them are probably one of the more mysterious aspects of sexual play. Most of us have spent our time trying to figure out the long and short of the penis thus leaving the testicles out of the pleasure equation, or at least, as a total afterthought.... read more

Shrinking your echo chamber.
We here in the United States are definitely a nation of big. We pump anything that walks with silicone and hormones, and admire the large and in charge because everything is better when it’s bigger. Except vaginas, that is. Dear Mominatrix, Does a vagina return... read more

Sex for One.
As a person who’s been in and out of relationships like a revolving door, I admit to not being much of a masturbator. Call me lazy or just plain crazy, but I have to say that sometimes it’s way easier to just have someone else do it for you then try to do it yourself. Keep... read more

Moms and Dads can play dress up, too.
Unless you met your spouse at a Trekkie convention, chances are that trying to get you to dress up as something other than a tired overworked mother might be pretty tough. That doesn’t mean I’m not in support of role-playing and fantasy in the bedroom. Anything that takes away the reminder... read more

Porno for Parents.
Aside from the recommended date nights that married parents are sick of hearing about, sex therapists seem to be jumping on the porn wagon. When in doubt, go watch porn. I don’t really have a problem with porn for the most part, and it can certainly be the key to turning on a... read more

Little Squirts -- I'm not talking about your kids.
I’m all for equal rights, particularly when it comes to the bedroom, but I must say I’m perfectly fine with my fairly uneventful orgasm. And by uneventful I’m not referring to boring or even quiet. I’m talking about clean. For the most part, I could have an orgasm anywhere... read more

The Cone: Not Just for Soft Serve Anymore
I’d like to think that parents don’t need kid-friendly sex toys. Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I need a dildo that moonlights as a teether. And while the idea of a... read more

Love in an Elevator? Try Skipping the Bed for Once
As a college student, the bed was the last place I thought about using for sexual purposes. It cradled my body after a few drunken escapades, but as far as the horizontal mambo, the bed equated old married people with kids. So I saw my fair share of interesting locales, including the library, the art... read more

A Woody With a Hoody Feels Very Goody
Unless you studied a year abroad in Greece or are married to an old country Italian stallion, chances are you haven’t had the pleasure of a woody with a hoody. Other than a random meet and greet or a quick flip through a Robert Mapplethorpe book, most women in the 20-40 range tend to dine at the... read more

Vortex Vibrations sucks -- in a good way.
While I’d like to think there’s always room for sex toy talk over cheez-its and wine at your weekly playdate, chances are you never get past the boring weekly round up of bad poop... read more

Mominatrix comes in a plain brown wrapper.
I've read the complaints about the internet when it comes to opening up the sex world like a Pandora's box and truly, there's something to be said about the local porn addict having 24-hour access to way more than your typical old hard core group band DVD collection. Certainly the internet does not help... read more

Playing for the other team.
I’m not quite sure why some men are surprised when after years of quick bangs, skid marks, and foreplay that involves bra snapping and ass scratching, women decide that what they really need is the comfort of another woman’s bosom. Going the gay way is not really a black and... read more

The Taboo of Sex
If you’ve got at least one little mini-me running around after you, it’s fairly obvious that you’re getting some. I liken it to wearing your heart on your sleeve; a pregnant belly practically screams sex. Everybody knows you’re doing it (or at least that you did it one really... read more

Talk dirty to me.
If the post-partum sex is still actually occurring in your household and is not a figment of your imagination or hasn't manifested into the form of an online porn addiction, then either you must have an incredibly sound sleeping child or you’re engaging in the dreaded silent sex. ... read more

Sex and the single mom.
Even though we’ve got at least one person (baby, teenager, hell, even our husbands) attached to our hip, most moms would say that motherhood can be a very lonely existence. But when it comes down to it, most of us have a shoulder to cry on and someone that won’t decide to break up with us... read more

Good girls have pubes.
I remember the days when I could spend as long as I needed to create the perfect pubic coif. Nothing fancy, mind you, just fairly tamed and perfectly contained within the confines of the underpants. But now I have kids and I barely have time to wash my crotch let alone trim the... read more

Sex after childbirth.
As if squeezing out a kid from our nether regions isn’t penance enough, we must suffer through our first few months as a mother with leaky boobs, a sore butthole, and the worst symptom of all, low sex drive. Our little eight pound load is finally lightened, we can sort of fit into our clothes again,... read more

This dose of advice is to be taken orally.
Ah, the blow job – it’s a housewife’s bargaining chip, a gay man’s mainstay, or a college student’s virginity saver. Call it what you want, but the blow job has served its purpose in society since before a penis was called a penis. It seemed like just yesterday I was gagging... read more

What happened to my husband's sex drive?
Thanks to the hordes of whiny housewives who can’t stop bitching about how they have to fend off their husbands’ nightly sexual advances, the few women with spouses who’d rather sleep it off than beat it off are left wondering what the hell is wrong with them. Apparently a hard day... read more

What lies beneath.
I’ve often wondered what goes on behind the bedroom doors in suburban America. Is the frustrated mom of two who drags her son out of the mall by his backpack a swinger by night? Does the clean cut mother of four who plants her flowers in obsessive figure eights give her husband naked lap dances... read more

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"We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists... in the loved one, perfection." -- Sidney Poitier