Humor

The Imperfect Parent's archive of parenting humor articles and essays

Essays:

I’m Pregnant, Einstein!
Expecting mothers have no shame.
By Janene Mascarella
My husband said I should be ashamed of myself. “Fighting with a twelve year old, who does that?”... read more

Beautiful People Make Better Mothers
Screw you, Cindy Crawford.
By Kelley Cunningham
Elizabeth Hurley lost her baby weight... read more

Changing Ronan
A dad's version of a day out with toddler.
By Adam Kane
The two pound nappy was dripping with anticipation. I'd been left at home to mind my fourteen-month... read more

More Essays


WTF Toy Roundup:

WTF?! Toy Roundup
Design Your Own Basketball, Mighty Beanz, Crocodile Dentist, Marshmallow Peeps Marshmallow Maker

... read more

WTF?! Toy Roundup
Gooey Louie, Security Camera, Fairly Oddparents, and Slimecano

This special edition of WTF?! Toy Roundup features actual items Santa left under... read more

WTF?! Toy Roundup
Hershey's S'mores, Don't Wake Daddy, Bratz Twister, and In Your Face

Hershey's... read more

More WTF Toy Roundup


Ask the Angry Baby:

Ask the Angry Baby
Smelly poop, a nanny's concerns, scabs, and colors

My two-month-old baby is breastfed. Sometimes her stools have an extremely foul smell. She looks well... read more

Ask the Angry Baby
No talking, naps, tossing and blanket sucking

My son is 27 months old and he doesn't say much besides "mom," "dada," "kitty," and a few other things.... read more

Ask the Angry Baby
Ex-wives, temperaments, junk food and public discipline.

I am a single father with custody of my two children but I send my ex-wife money every month... read more

More Ask the Angry Baby


Open Letters:

An open letter to the J.M. Smucker Company, maker of Uncrustables

April 1, 2005 Executive Offices The J.M. Smucker Company Strawberry Lane Orrville, OH 44667-0280 RE:... read more

A letter to Kimberly-Clark, maker of Huggies diapers

March 1, 2005 Executive Offices Kimberly-Clark Corporation Dept. INT P.O. Box 2020 Neenah, WI... read more

Dear Executive Recruiter at the Hospital Where I Applied for a Position
By Jennifer Magnuson
Dear Executive Recruiter at the Hospital Where I Applied for a Position: I know you mean well. Really,... read more

More Open Letters


Shorties:

Teach Your Kids To Swear!
A primer.
By Michelle O'Neil
You know how good it feels to let out a resounding @#%$! Why should little Junior or Janie go without... read more

Full Moon, White Lie
By Hildie S. Block
No one else went to ballet last night either.   Maybe that's not such... read more

New Food Reviews
By my two-year-old son, to whom most foods are new.
By Chris Steck
Bread (any kind): Call me Jean Valjean, but this is worth 19 years in prison!!! Sliced... read more

More Shorties


All of the Humor archive:

Essays:

12 Useful Tips
Don't just throw away that baby spitup.
By Pamela Redmond Satran

An open letter from Blue Ivy Carter to her parents
By Meredith Bland

Be Careful What You Wish For...
The inner struggle.
By Maya Gattas

Beautiful People Make Better Mothers
Screw you, Cindy Crawford.
By Kelley Cunningham

Changing Ronan
A dad's version of a day out with toddler.
By Adam Kane

Effectively Embarrassing Your Children
A helpful guide.
By Monica Duncan

Fruitcake and College Girls
Our quest for a babysitter.
By Margee Moore

Happy Birthday, Dear Visa
Monkeys and clowns and rock bands, oh my!
By Prescott Carlson

How To Be Friends With A Working Mother
A primer.
By Kelley Cunningham

Itchy & Scratchy
or Ten Things I've Learned About Head Lice
By Eileen Flanagan

I’m Pregnant, Einstein!
Expecting mothers have no shame.
By Janene Mascarella

Learning to Read Palms
I see a tall, dark principal in your future.
By Robin Svedi

Let's pretend you didn't break your arm and go on vacation
Suck it up boys, nothin's stopping our Maid of the Mist tour.
By Suzanne Seese

Memo to Mama
Please review the following talking points.
By Sonia Elabd

Morning Has Broken
A play-by-play of one mom's a.m. routine.
By Asha Dornfest

Old Gorillas Never Die
They just get stuffed in the garage.
By Bryan W. Fields

Really? Things Will Change?
Thanks for your two cents.
By Rachel Pelta Golinkin

Riding the School Bus
Next stop, humiliation.
By Donna Stone

Secret Agent Mom
You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good.
By Kristen Chase

Sleep, Exercise and Diet
Yeah, right.
By Robin Matteri Hall

Stick a Fork in It
Ten technological marvels that help me ignore my kids.
By Brandy Stoner

Thank You, Dr. Brain
Messages from my subconscious.
By Bryan W. Fields

The Cult of Motherhood
Come, join us...
By Kristen Chase

The Genuine Spider Killer
One mom embraces her killer instinct.
By Tricia Ellis Christensen

The Grand Adventurer
The wonderful escapades of Princess Me.
By Heather Summerville

The IP Guide to Parent/Teacher Conferences

The New OSHA Guidelines
RE: Strategic Partnership For Worker Safety And Health Guidelines For Drivers of Family Vehicles
By Joan Conde

There Are No Secrets
Did I mention it was anatomically correct?
By Michele Hickerty

This Is Not Your Father's Pinewood Derby
Much has changed since my Cub Scout days.
By Bryan W. Fields

WTF Toy Roundup:

WTF?! Toy Roundup
WWLD?, Barbie Luvs Spongebob, Superman Talking Dress Up, Home Depot Weed Trimmer

WTF?! Toy Roundup
Design Your Own Basketball, Mighty Beanz, Crocodile Dentist, Marshmallow Peeps Marshmallow Maker

WTF?! Toy Roundup
Gooey Louie, Security Camera, Fairly Oddparents, and Slimecano

WTF?! Toy Roundup
Hershey's S'mores, Don't Wake Daddy, Bratz Twister, and In Your Face

Ask the Angry Baby:

Ask the Angry Baby
Sibling Rivalry, Diaper Ditchers, Narcs, and Swings.

Ask the Angry Baby
Smelly poop, a nanny's concerns, scabs, and colors

Ask the Angry Baby
No talking, naps, tossing and blanket sucking

Ask the Angry Baby
Ex-wives, temperaments, junk food and public discipline.

Ask the Angry Baby
Cursing habits, sippy cups, co-sleeping sex, international travel, and saying "no"

Open Letters:

A letter to Kimberly-Clark, maker of Huggies diapers

An open letter to the J.M. Smucker Company, maker of Uncrustables

Dear Executive Recruiter at the Hospital Where I Applied for a Position
By Jennifer Magnuson

Shorties:

Full Moon, White Lie
By Hildie S. Block

New Food Reviews
By my two-year-old son, to whom most foods are new.
By Chris Steck

Teach Your Kids To Swear!
A primer.
By Michelle O'Neil

The Worst Mother in the World
And the winner is...
By Christine Basham

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"Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways." -- Samuel McChord Crothers