The Imperfect Community

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

Good luck with Holden starting his new school! I want updates on how he does, I am very interested as well. I think 20 minutes is a maximum amount of time I would expect a child at that age to really concentrate on work, esp hard work. I think that would be a great thing to let his teacher know ahead of time without making it sound negative.

"We have found that giving him a few minutes break after intense work really helps him concentrate on the task again". Something like that. Maybe the teacher could let him go get a drink or go to the bathroom. It takes a long time to figure out what helps some kids so and helpful info up front is good! Cool

kathyjm · Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 6:26 pm Post subject: Is it or isn't it?

Sounds like he's doing great! Gosh, my 12 year hardly sits for 20 min on her homework LOL...

You really should take her compliment to heart. Not many parents (sadly) would provide a tutor for their child over the summer! He's going to be more ready during the beginning of the year than most kids.

Thanks for updating us...keep us posted!

new053105 · Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:33 am Post subject: Is it or isn't it?

I haven't read this whole thread, and I realize it's a year old...but how is Holden doing now??

This struck a chord with me, because I was a very "hyperactive" child and it's always been rumored that I have ADD or ADHD. I do have mental health issues, but it's now down to, I suffer from either BPD (borderline personality disorder) or PST (post traumatic stress), which have similar symptoms.

I was held back in 1st grade, and it didn't do me a bit of good...I ended up being way ahead of my classmates and made fun of for "flunking first grade"

I don't believe in holding kids back. If a teacher told me to hold Lauren back, I would give them the finger! Twisted Evil

Anyhow, I ended up graduating HS early, and the older I got, the more "mature" I got (this was another reason for holding me back). I think most kids even out the older they get whether they are super advanced when they are young or a bit slow or having behavioral issues. I mean, these are "KIDS"...why can't we see that kids will be kids!!! And some kids are different from others and some are harder than others!!!

Sounds like from the OP you guys had a good attitude. I hope all worked out for you!!!

MedeaNJ · Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 12:45 pm Post subject: Re: Is it or isn't it?

MedeaNJ · Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 12:47 pm Post subject: Is it or isn't it?

Oh, shit! I'm #64 in replies!

Man I need more coffee....

Ignore my last post Embarassed

My twins are driving me to exhaustion...can't think straight anymore!

Jessica · Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 2:04 pm Post subject: Re: Is it or isn't it?

MedeaNJ · Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:12 am Post subject: Re: Is it or isn't it?

Jessica · Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 5:09 pm Post subject: Re: Is it or isn't it?

kathyjm · Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 6:15 pm Post subject: Is it or isn't it?

I think she meant SST which I've seen used for Student Study Team or Student Success Team.

For my daughter, the SST consists of the teacher (s), principal, us, school psychologist...you can also involve neurologist, doctor, etc...

Its a team that comes together and decides on what step to take to help the student be successfull academically. For us, the result was our 504 Plan.

TheBean · Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:28 pm Post subject: Re: Is it or isn't it?

TheBean · Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:29 pm Post subject: Is it or isn't it?

Oh, I have to go to bed. It's 11:29....I have NO clue how I missed the rest of these posts and that this was from last year. What a diphead.

Shocked

Stacey S · Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:37 pm Post subject:

Wow, Where to start?
My son has been labeled with “behavioral issues” since he was TWO!!! Even by my own accounts he was a horrible child (I say this with every ounce of love). Pediatricians, teachers, friends, other parents, psychologists, strangers at the grocery store, have all at one point in time mentioned the dreaded letters ADD or ADHD. I refused to buy into it!
How could a child sit through movie, after movie or play with his “yincon yogs” for hours on end possible have ADD? The only time he was ever spastic was when it came to doing things he did not like to do or things he wasn’t good at (school & homework being the MAJOR contributor) Because of a very difficult birth & a prolonged time deprived of oxygen I clearly remember the pediatrician coming in my hospital room to see me & my 10 hour old perfect son to discuss his “birth defects” and possible problems he may have in the future….one of which was being “slow” or developmentally delayed” . Are you kidding me with this? Nice bedside manner Doc! Just what a new mom wants to hear!
So at 3 I enrolled my son into a preschool that specialized in speech therapy (he had his own little language going on), behavioral modification (he often threw major temper tantrums, pulled his hair or scratched his face in frustration, but didn’t seem to be bothered by any consequences), and children with “special needs” (he didn’t know his numbers, letters, how to dress himself etc…). The first school really seemed to work well. The kids were broken up into small groups based on what they already knew & their learning capabilities. On one level I was thrilled that my son was making progress, on another level I was sadden that I was unable to achieve this at home, making me feel like I must be the worst parent EVER!
Then came elementary school…. I have had it up to my EYEBALLS with IEP’s and bi annual reviews, psychologists, and behavioral “experts” telling ME about MY son!!! Fighting tooth and nail to get them to understand that my child needs ASSISTANCE with his school work but he can actually do more than just play with clay! Their response was always the same….telling me that my son can’t “mainstream” because he just can’t keep up with the other children and the teachers don’t have time to molly caudle him because there are 24 other students in the classroom that require attention and it’s not fair to THEM. So the only other alternative is to stick him in a classroom full of children with special needs that range from needing a little extra help with their math to the poor kid in the helmet who mastered the 4 piece jigsaw puzzle in just under 2 hours!? I did this shit for 10 years!!!!!!!!!!
I absolutely REFUSED to medicate my child to make people more comfortable around him. My biggest fear was that if I taught my child that he could cope with his problems better by taking this magic pill I would most certainly have a teenager who was more than willing to experiment with self medication…after all, it makes him FEEL better! I was also scared to introduce a synthetic form of a hormone that my son may actually develop on his own….just at a later stage then other people…but if you introduce it artificially, then will the body ever produce it on its own ? Would I essentially be handing my child a life sentence to meds! I was convinced that I could teach him how to use his OWN coping skills to deal with life…it just may take him a little longer.
"We can rebuild him, we have the technology!

Fast forward to today…my son is finishing up his freshmen year of high school. He has been mainstreaming for 2 years now. His grades are typically in the C range. I often get “Christian has a hard time staying focused”, or “Christian tends to be disruptive in class” or my personal favorite “Christian finds staying on task difficult & when reprimanded SHUTS DOWN?” What the hell does that mean?
He does have friends although they tend to come in and out like a revolving door….he has a very hard time controlling his impulses & whatever pops into his head comes straight out of his mouth! He has a short attention span along with a shorter fuse. He is very sensitive towards other people & tends to be very hard on himself, at times I would even go so far as to say he has a tendency towards depression. However, he is such a joy to be around! He has such a HUGE capacity to understand things WAY beyond his maturity level. He questions things constantly & he has his own unique way of looking at things. He brings up VERY valid points when we are in disagreement (which sucks) and he is wise beyond his years! I prefer to think of him as a leader, not a follower!
I often wonder if I made the right decision. Perhaps if I had not been so pig headed in my thinking that just because my child isn’t a cookie cutout of the Jones’s child doesn’t mean I have to medicate him! I always looked at it as my son marches to the beat of his own drum…but maybe I just made things WAY more difficult for him then they needed to be.
There are no handbooks…each person is an individual and I believe they are BORN with their personalities already in place. I think my son is growing up to be a fine young man in spite of my daily mistakes, and I will always wonder if I screwed this poor kid up!
If there is anyone else out there who decided to throw caution to the wind with their child’s mental health and it worked out for them, or if you went the other route & your child seems to be a happier, healthier, more well adjusted individual because you sought medical treatment…I would really appreciate some feedback!

Jessica · Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:47 am Post subject:

Stacey S · Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:00 pm Post subject:

Thanks Jessica,
I guess you're right...I will spend the rest of my days wondering if I did the right thing for him & by him. Could I have done this better? Should I have done this differently? It's always been a big deal to me that my child was not an art project...if I screwed it up I could just crinkle it up & throw it out & start over....every mistake I make is a potential emotional scar & the very idea of that breaks my heart! We have a VERY open relationship so we are able to discuss a lot of things now...even this matter in particular! He doesn't like to hear the ADD/ADHD and he doesn't want the medication (it's all I can do to get him to take something for his horrific allergies!) Then there are times when he’s had a bad day or some sort of an occurrence with a peer that he comes home and says "maybe there is something wrong with me, maybe I am screwed up" (hence the monthly family therapy).
I must admit I am not a medication Mom (probably has to do with baggage from my childhood....I'll let the shrinks deal with that one), and I'm not a real doctor/hospital mom either...."if you’re not bleeding, you’re not hurt" Okay..MAYBE not that bad, but you see where I'm going with this.
Anyway....I guess I am no different than every other mom out there who will always wonder "did I do right by my child" (this is where Christian comes in & says "you just don't love me, you never spend time with me, and you’ve completely screwed me up as a human being right?)
Well...maybe someday he can write a book about his terrible childhood & his insensitive pig headed mother and at the very least be monetarily compensated for his emotional dysfunction that I have caused him!