The Imperfect Community

Slackermomma · Slightly Flawed Joined: 26 Jan 2006 Posts: 13

Hey, don't get the gun yet -- I've known many people whose first child was a horrible sleeper, whose next one slept like a champ from the beginning. It really does have to do with the personality of the kid.

My hubby and I tried CIO (as in, letting my dd cry for 5-10 minutes) out of desperation -- I was a walking wreck after over a year of sleepless nights. The sound of my child crying was too much for my nerves, though. I just didn't have the fortitude. But when I stopped nursing her at night, she went from waking 3-4 times to waking maybe once. Big difference. I can deal with that after the absolute hell I went through.

I know several women who have had to do CIO to salvage their sanity. It would probably damaging for kids to have their moms in the psych ward because they go crazy from sleep deprivation (only those who have experienced it know what I mean).

Question, though -- here's a quote from that article -- "Sunderland believes that parents who use fighting words and phrases that demand absolute and immediate obedience will create a defiant child while thinking words, that activate their brains by giving them a choice, will defuse intense states of emotional arousal."

Umm, if we're talking about infants and young children here, how do we help them put on their "thinking caps" when they don't understand language? I would think that a developmental psychologist would understand that frontal lobe executive functions develop later.

Give me a break -- if my toddler wants to run into the street, I'd better give her some words that demand obedience.

Does this Sunderland chick have kids, I wonder?

Jessica · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 4:27 pm Post subject: Re: Brain Scan Study Against CIO

CorasMama · Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 7:03 am Post subject: Brain Scan Study Against CIO

I don't believe in CIO, personally. But, I had a baby that was relatively easy to get to sleep. We co-slept until she was 2.5, and nursed about the same length of time. Until she was about 1.5, I would just lay down with her, with a paperback book and a booklight, and nurse her. That was my daily quiet time. It took usually about 15 minutes, and then I'd pry her off my nipple, and roll out of bed and go about my evening. Sometimes she would wake up about 3 hours later, and so I'd make that my bedtime, and we'd both go back to sleep.

When she was about 1.5, I gradually left earlier and earlier. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't.

Other people put her to sleep in different ways. If someone, like my mom or my roomate, was watching just her, they'd just cuddle her, maybe with a bottle with water in it. And at daycare, she usually played so hard, and naptime being right after lunch, when she had a bottle of breastmilk, that she'd go to sleep sometimes before she hit the mat.

The only thing that we all had in common was that she would never, ever sleep in a crib. I remember when she was a nearly newborn, when I would try and try to put her to sleep in a crib, it was so incredibly traumatic. I called my mom, desperate and in near hysterics. Wonderful woman that she was, she said, in a calm authoritative tone,"ok, Kate, calm down. You don't have to let her cry. Now pick her up, and put her in your bed."
"Ok, now what?"
"Now get in there with her, and get some sleep!"
"I can do that?!?!?"
That afternoon was the most freeing, best thing that ever happened to my parenting!

I am a big reader, and I had read so many parenting manuals, listened to so many "experts" and other people, that it had completely undermined my confidence. Once I realized that the most important experts on my baby were me and my baby, and that I had mothering instincts given to me by God, and learned to listen to those instincts, parenting completely changed. Now, the advice I give to new parents is to listen to their inner voice, and parent instinctually. I teach them a simple phrase for dealing with all those well meaning advice-givers: "thanks, I'll think about that [smile]".

shellydages · Slightly Flawed Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 51

the more i read on this board, the more i thank whatever gods may be for my decision not to have children.

i have enough trouble sleeping without having to worry about a tiny, dependent being needing me, and worrying about if letting it cry will scar it for life.

shel

Jessica · Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 5:01 pm Post subject:

shellydages · Slightly Flawed Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 51

i don't have kids and i don't want them. i had a very brief period of insanity in my mid 20-s (it lasted about 6 months) in which i thought i did, but fortunately it passed.

i LOVE kids, and i sympathize with people who have them. it's such a hard job. there is so much to think about and it seems they are criticized at every turn. i just know it's not something i want, personally.

i enjoy this site and it's cool to hear about all the trials, tribulations, and cute things that the parents and kids go through.

just call me the site mascott or something....

shel