The Imperfect Community

[MedeaNJ]

I am near the end of my rope with my DS and I am not sure if I am handling this the right way.

The kid still will not eat his veggies. He even liked fruit at one time, but that is going out the window, now. The only fruit he will eat is watermelon. That's it.

My MIL and I have a different views in how to feed a fussy eater. I make one meal for the twins, and encourage them to eat, not play with their food if they do not like it. If they do not eat, too bad, they can wait until snack time or the next big meal. (BTW, I do not pull the Mommie Dearest and give them the same dish of food at a later time.)

MIL will make 3, 4, different alternatives until she gets the kids to eat. This method IMO only encourages the kids to be fussy and get their way.

These mixed signals can't go on!

Am I being too much of a tyrant? Is there a possibly a middle ground that could be achieved to make everyone happy?

[Anthromomma]

I think you're doing fine. My general philosophy on feeding kids is (keeping in mind that I don't have any allergies or any other overriding factors to deal with) that I just don't make an issue out of food, period. I fix one meal, everyone gets some of everything on their plate. Whether or not they eat it once it's there is their business. I do make sure that there is always something on the table that I know they like/will eat (whole grain bread, cottage cheese, whatever), and now that ds is older (he's almost four, and we've been doing this for about six months now) he has to try a bite of everything on his plate if he wants a second helping of anything.

As far as your MIL goes, how often is she in a position of feeding the twins? I saw your other post-- I know you're staying w/them now, but I mean during normal, non-flood times. In general, I think that it's ok to have 'Grandma rules' and 'home rules,' even at the age that they're at now (providing you two have similar views on nutrition, that is). However, if she's seeing and feeding them a couple of times a week or more, I would say that you need to insist that she does things more your way, because she's actually involved in their upbringing.

Good luck! I know this sucks, but it doesn't last forever.

Erika

ETA: I forgot to say, I don't think you're being a tyrant at all, and as far as your current situation goes, if you're the one serving the meal, don't let her override you and serve something else, but if she's the one serving the meal, maybe just bite your tongue and go in the other room?

[DietCokeHead]

What you are doing is what the feeding books I have read recommend. I read a lot b/c I had a super-picky todder and I totally ruined him by doing what your MIL does.

[MedeaNJ]

Very poingant (sp?) statement that you brought up, Erika, in which MIL/FIL are actually involved with their upbringing (especially now that we are in summer and the children have been withdrawn from daycare). So yes, her involvement in feeding is at least three times a week.

It seems that we are on the same page in general regarding what the children are allowed to eat...though she is not into the organic food schtick, but does abide by them...it is just the fact that she goes crazy if the kids will go without a meal if what is offered on their plate is not to their liking, hence the multiple meals-on-the-fly.

Perhaps w/o being perceived as a total bully, I could suggest that she wind down the meals-on-the-fly to making one alternative dish if the twins will not go for the initial one...that's it.

I'll keep you posted.

[Petulant Pixie]

I do like you do, but...if there's something that I know one of the kids absolutely HATES, then I make them an alternative. But, as far as veggies go, they we have a list that we go on, made up of things we know they do not hate and they must eat a serving of veggies at each meal. It's harder with little ones, because they can't articulate, "Mom, I really hate celery, but I'll eat the broccoli". So, you just have to shove things at them and give them choices "Celery or broccoli? Pick one, gotta be one!". Alex is my picky veggie eater--he does tomato, broccoli, carrots and salad (made up mostly of iceberg, but I sneak other lettuces in). Katie will pretty much eat any vegetable. Liz, too. Liz loves bell peppers! How cool is that! I hate them, but Liz and Katie munch on them raw like they're candy!

Anyway, I'm with you on this, it's not going to hurt them to eat things they don't really like until they can tell you what they do and don't like.

[julymom]

I think you're doing great! That's what we do with ds. iHe's almost 4 and will eat pretty much anything, and I think it's because he's been exposed to a wide range of foods. It drives me nuts when a parent says oh, my kid will only eat chicken nuggets, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, hot dogs, french fries and waffles. You know why? Because that's all they get. My SIL is like this. She has a 5 yo and that kid eats chicken nuggets or hotdogs and french fries or pbnj every freaking meal. She makes their dinner plus what he's eating and never even offers him anything different. "Different" food is scary to him. I'm not a short order cook. Ds eats what we eat or doesn't eat. And he has to try a bite of everything (unless it has milk in it) before he can get up from the table. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to eat it all, but he does have to try it. He usually ends up eating it all anyway.
I think you're absolutely right about giving kids several options only making them picky and teaches them that they can have their own way if they don't like something. Maybe you just need to have a talk (or have your dh talk to her) and say "Listen, I don't want them to have too many options at meal time. I know you don't think they should skip meals, but they need to learn to eat what they're given." Good luck!