The Imperfect Community

[honeybee]

what can I do to stop Ethan from biting?

Today was the third time that Ethan has bit a kid in the preschool room at church.

His third strike and now he's out.

[MainstreamMom]

Awwwww that sucks Melissa I know how you feel though. I'm always getting called out of the gym daycare for Jack's behavior.

Anyway, not sure if this will work but I saw it on the Today Show. An "expert" was on and a viewer asked about stopping biting. The Dr. said to buy some breath spray like Binaca (make sure it's the kind w/o alcohol). The next time he bites you give him a quick spray in the mouth. She said most kids hate the taste so much they usually won't do it again. I haven't tried it but I guess it can't hurt right?

Also, my neighbor tells her daughter she's going to put pepper on her tongue (for using bad words). She said she never had to acutally do it but just threatening it makes the behavior stop.

Let's see, another friend uses a bar of soap for biting. I've actually threatened that one for bad language (LOL I'm so embarrassed to admit it).

Good luck! I'm sure you'll get some other good advice!

[Rebecca_R]

How old is he again?

[DietCokeHead]

Ethan! Naughty! He is kind of on the old end for biting, isn't he... Hmm, does he only bite in the nursery? Maybe he is frustrated there?

[honeybee]

He turned 3 at the end of November.

I do think he gets frustrated. The room is 3 and 4 year olds and he is the youngest. He is not very verbal and most of what he says isn't very articulate. I don't know the context of the bite, none of the 3 adults saw it happen, just the immediate aftermath of the 4yo screaming, "Auuughhh! That kid ate me!" and Ethan fleeing the area. There were very clear bite marks.

At least once a week he bites Owen. Sometimes because Owen is annoying him (trying to sit in his lap, taking toys away that he is playing with, etc.) and sometimes he does it for absolutely no reason at all. And he bites hard, teeth marks that last hours and a bruise to follow.

He is always punished sternly and immediately, but it doesn't help.

Chris - thank you for the suggestions. I think I will pick up some breath spray tomorrow.



I hate this.

[Rebecca_R]

HB, I have an idea. I think this might work because even though he's not very verbal, he's older so he can understand more. I think this might actually be easier to fix than say, if Owen was the biter, because he's so much younger.

Go through the motions with him about what he's supposed to do or what he's allowed to do, when he's frustrated with owen. Then, do reminders with him multiple times a day, go through the motions with him, about what is appropriate in that situation. Then, when he does do that, if he's sitting there with Owen and he's mad, and he successfully does what you tell him w/o biting, reward it.

I dunno, just off the top of my head!

[Rebecca_R]

Oh, and I want to add, don't worry, this too shall pass! Nate was a pincher. He wasn't very verbal until he was over 2. When we moved back to Az (he was 20 mos old) he would pinch hannah! It was jealousy and also the fact that he wasn't verbal. I honestly beleive it just "felt good" for him to pinch! Anyway, it took about 6 months for him to really get over that one, and then he would do it every so often. But once he was 3 and then onto 4 he has just gotten easier and easier with regards to not being physical.

And now at 4 1/2 he just gasps and refuses to beleive he ever hit, pinched or bit anyone! It's so funny. THe other day Aaron walked right up to me when I was washing dishes and bit me on the back of the leg. He wasn't mad or anything, just his way of saying "hey! pay attention to me!" I got all flustered and then Nate was like "mommy, I never do that to you, I'm a good boy." And when I told him that he bit me plenty of times when he was one he was like "nuh uh! don't say that! I don't bite!"

[kathyjm]

Oh you poor thing, that must be so frustrating! It's always hard when your kids do something that disappoints you at the same you don't want to believe it! wait till they're adolescents! You'll be wishing for the biting days again!

I was a biter when I was little. I was VERY short and I think that was my way to assert myself when I was bullied. My mom got so fed up with it that she bit me back...that was the last time I ever bit anyone! LOL...I don't think I"d recommend that though!

I'm a big believer in natural consequences. And remember, though a child might not have strong VERBAL skills, they sure do understand a lot. I'm sure at this point you've already explained to him that biting hurts. I like the idea PP stated about giving him alternate more acceptable ways of expressing his frustration.

As far as natural consequences, I'd do something like this. 'Well Ethan, it's going to be so sad for you that you can't play with (fill in the blank) tomorrow. We're going to the park. When you bite someone, it makes them hurt and that makes me so upset that you've chosen to hurt someone. I don't want to feel upset tomorrow so you'll be staying with a babysitter tomorrow while we go to the park with (fill in the blank). ". He'll be upset and cry, then you can just hug him and say things like "I know. It is upsetting isn't it. Its so sad".

Or you can try some other spin on that. Stage something if you need to. He's old enough to understand that actions have consequences (which I feel are more effective than 'punishments'). When he knows you mean business and it's all within his control, he'll be motivated to not bite!

[TheBean]

It will pass...but you will need to stay on top of him. It sounds like there aren't enough parents for the 3/4 year old room. They shoudl have a parent for each 6 kids - and they should be WATCHING the kids - not gossiping/chatting!

So...I think it sucks that he is out of the nursery since no one knows what the heck happened.

In any case - usually kids that bite are doing it out of frustration, and are non verbal. But if they get a reaction (which a bite will do LOL)...then it becomes a "hey, I bite...they drop the toy - how cool is that!"

So - he will need to be watched when he is getting frustrated and going in for the kill - and removed from the situation and told, "No biting."

Its a pisser to deal with - but that is how our daycare dealt with it. We had 2 biters ...anna was a victim and I insisted on knowing what they were going to do about it. That was how they handled it - they were pretty well informed I thought, and they had a plan of action for watching for the things that lead up to the biting with these two boys.

good luck!

Eileen

[honeybee]

Thanks to all for your suggestions and help.

Go through the motions with him about what he's supposed to do or what he's allowed to do, when he's frustrated with owen. Then, do reminders with him multiple times a day, go through the motions with him, about what is appropriate in that situation. Then, when he does do that, if he's sitting there with Owen and he's mad, and he successfully does what you tell him w/o biting, reward it.

I do do this to some extent. We say "use your words" and encourage him to SAY what is wrong, rather than act out physically. I reward him verbally, with praise. The biting happens when I'm not RIGHT THERE when a dispute happens. Without constant reminders, Ethan will just lash out by growling, pushing...or biting.

THe other day Aaron walked right up to me when I was washing dishes and bit me on the back of the leg. He wasn't mad or anything, just his way of saying "hey! pay attention to me!"

Owen does that! Just this morning he bit the crap out of my ankle while I was getting dressed.


As far as natural consequences, I'd do something like this. 'Well Ethan, it's going to be so sad for you that you can't play with (fill in the blank) tomorrow. We're going to the park. When you bite someone, it makes them hurt and that makes me so upset that you've chosen to hurt someone. I don't want to feel upset tomorrow so you'll be staying with a babysitter tomorrow while we go to the park with (fill in the blank). ". He'll be upset and cry, then you can just hug him and say things like "I know. It is upsetting isn't it. Its so sad".

He's being sent back to the toddler room, since the 3 biting episodes in the preschool room. He is not going to be happy to not be in the 'big kid' room, but this is a consequence of his behavior. I told him he is not going to play with the big kids now, because he bit, but I don't think he 'got it'. But he will definitely get it on Sunday when we go in the other room! I'm anticipating a big tantrum outside the door.

So - he will need to be watched when he is getting frustrated and going in for the kill - and removed from the situation and told, "No biting."
Oh, I agree. I said as much during the meeting we had and had them add it to the notes of the incident report.


Bah!! This just really really stinks.