The Imperfect Community

uncinnmandms · Slightly Flawed Joined: 14 Jul 2006 Posts: 4

Quickly:
I am SAHM to 2 daughters - one turned 3 in June and the other is 5 months. My older daughter is not in preschool and I am looking for more ideas. She is very, very creative and we spend most of our days making stuffed animals talk, making coloring pages talk, making ANYTHING "talk" and pretending to be people and animals and movie characters. It's exhausting Wink

Really, she plays with her dollhouse critters (Calico Critters) but most often wants me to help "make them talk" and she colors (which was going great as an independent activity until she came up with the idea that she could make all of the princesses in the coloring book talk to each other) . . . and well, that is about it! She watches one video per day. It's too freaking hot to go outside right now at any time of day.

Honestly, I'm wiped out from this high level of intense play. I feel like I made the wrong choice to not put her into preschool. I might have more energy if my other daughter wasn't waking up to nurse at night. . .but she is Smile

with a 6am wake-up call.

Any suggestions?

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:22 pm Post subject:

When I first started going to ECFE (early child family education) with my daughter Katie when she was 3, the parent facilitator told us about this phenonmenon where SAHMs feel obligated to entertain their kids all day to compete with the stimulation that day care provides. It is totally not necessary for a parent to be playing with their kids all day! Honestly, off and on throughout the day, I play with my kids probably only a couple of hours, and that's in 10 minute intervals here or a half hour at the park there. I'm sure at the end of the day it adds up to a couple of hours.

I'd start encouraging the 3 year-old to play on her own more. I'd help get her started with something, then play with her for a few minutes and then tell her to keep playing and you'll be back in a bit--then go do something else, nearby, so you can verbally encourage her to play on her own.

My son was never very good at playing on his own (and he was in day care from the time he was 5 months old until he was 4 years old). I'd have to keep suggesting things (or even getting things out for him) and get him started with coloring or Legos or play doh at the kitchen table or whatever. Katie was on her own from the start, lol, and she still plays on her own great! She only did pre-school for 2 mornings a week when she was three, too, so it's not like we had her booked up with that stuff. But, we *did* do the pre-school two mornings a week (10-noon) and I did have her in tumbling and swimming at the Y, so she was supplemented a few times a week outside the house. But, still, I think you need to lower your own expectations, you shouldn't be feeling bad for not entertaining her all day.

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

Seriously, I would put her into preschool if it's affordable and you can find one you like. I love preschool! Laughing

My son is really needy as far as wanting me to play with him too. I have trained him that I will play with him when the baby is napping, or after I get some of my things (whatever they are) finished. If he nags me, I won't play. It drives me crazy but I finally just decided that I was not put on this earth to entertain him and stopped feeling badly about it!

uncinnmandms · Slightly Flawed Joined: 14 Jul 2006 Posts: 4

Keep talking! I *know* that what you are saying is absolutely true. I just wish that I could shake the guilt of feeling as if I'm some sort of horrible mother and not playing with her enough. I *hate* the guilt. . .and I don't even know why it is with my oldest in particular. I don't feel guilty for having my 5 month old on the floor rolling around and staring at us Smile

but she also seems so content to do that. My oldest was never content to just sit there.

Maybe I don't have enough "stuff" to keep her busy. I have always tried to keep toys to a minimum and am always giving stuff to Goodwill. . .maybe I have gone too far? What would you list as essentials to have with a 3 year old (that would encourage independent play)? The creative play (stuff around the house) is great but that usually leads towards me having to play a character or make someone talk.

Thanks. Really! It helps so much to "talk" to other moms about this. We just moved here and I haven't made many mommy friends yet and it's too hot to go outside at all so we are also suffering from a bit of cabin fever.

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

We have way too much crap here for the kids to play with and it really doesnt matter either way, my son still wants mommy to play with him!

But, some toys that I will never get rid of (I do sneak boxes of toys to Goodwill since my MIL brings over stuff every time she comes!) are: wooden blocks, legos, pretend kitchen set, puzzles, dollhouse and people, matchbox cars, 19283303 plastic dinosaurs, books, and then I have a stocked craft cabinet in the kitchen with play--doh, crayons, markers, glue, and other art supplies.

Sewingsiren · Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:10 am Post subject:

I think your problems will be over in about 6 months or so when your younger daughter is old enough to "play", you will be called up on to do so less and less.

MedeaNJ · Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 9:15 am Post subject:

Kids at your DD's age love to imitate! When you do housework, do you allow your DD to participate?

* If you sweep, have pint sized version for your toddler.

* If you do laundry, plop down on the floor and let her 'sort' (sure it takes longer to finish, but worth it). You can talk about colors on a shirt, how many socks makes a pair, how to fold (need not be perfect).

* If you cook, raise her to the level of the counter and let her tear up some lettuce, spinach, chard, etc. Also if you have a lot of root vegetables such as onions or potatoes, put them in a small box or basket and play 'farmer's market or supermarket' (My 2yo twins LOVE this imaginative play). Kids beat up the veggies, but in most cases it is still edible after play. Make breadrolls (if your DD is royally allergic, I use a dairy free/egg free recipe, if she eats the raw dough she won't get sick), the dough is like playdough.

* Depending on your sunlight situation, start a little herb garden with small terracotta pots. Have your DD put seeds it the dirt and water regularly. This can be done indoors unless you have pets who love this sort of stuff.

* Also play kitchens are a G-dsend. You can find cheap ones at garage sales, freecycle, etc. I have a $26 table top wood stove that I take with us for road trips. You can get wooden eggs and spools (twins use them for 'spices') at Michaels for real cheap.

I guess in the end, like other PP said, you DD needs to learn how to play for herself. You are not obligated to play with her every second. By seeing you do 'meaningful' work, she realizes that life is not all play, but also it is not a bad thing either. Now is the perfect time for her to learn simple life-skills.

End of my rambling

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 10:07 am Post subject:

I'm trying to think back to those years with Katie. When Alex was 3, I was pg with Katie and working full-time, so every minute was used up.

We did run errands (grocery shopping, etc), and Katie did help with housework. She loved to dust--get those endust or swiffer static dusters and set her to work. Now they even have the pre-moistened window cleaners, so you don't have to deal with the spray (which the kids can do starting at about age 5). Katie helped cook, too, like Lisa said, at that age--doing salad, getting stuff out of the fridge, setting the table (once the things were put in a pile on the table). Sorting and folding laundry, too (she'd fold the waschcloths). Yeah...I remember now, lol, we did do those things.

She also had some pre-school computer games she'd play on her own. The kind where you push the space bar and there would be singing, and stuff like that. She really liked her sesame street and clifford games. We had the computer in the livingroom then (which I preferred!).

Katie has always loved Polly Pockets and she's always been one to make things "talk", too, but she does it on her own, and now she doesn't even like other people in the room when she plays, it's very private.

So, I'd say between the errands, pre-school a couple mornings a week, the Y an hour a week, housework, cooking, etc, that Katie really only had a couple of hours that she had to entertain herself. And, as I said, then I played with her a couple hours total a day, and she did watch a couple of hours of TV (or videos) a day. Then that took us to evening!

Wendy2kids · Slightly Flawed Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 1

I know, when you're home with your kids, it can be hard to continually be inspired to do new things. My daughter is obsessed with me playing Littlest Pet Shop or dinosaurs with her (same thing, making them talk). There are so many crafts and activities you can do together -- http://preschoolrock.com has a lot of preschool age specific ideas that should certainly help to keep her interest. Have fun!