The Imperfect Community

momof3_MOD · Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:45 pm Post subject: Jokes, etc.

Hey ladies! I LOVE to pass on jokes and funny emails so Im going to post them here and invite you all to do the same. Here is one that I have received a couple times and love!

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her,
'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all... if that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

NOOOOOO!!! Not our wine and computers!!! What would we all do on trivia nights??? Shocked

She's such a bitch.

momof3_MOD · Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:49 pm Post subject:

Heres a funny one!

My R esimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person,

Pepole realee seam to reespond too me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

I no my spelling is not too good but find that I Offen can get a job wit my persinalety.

My salerery is open so we kin discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I kin start emeditely. Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,

BRYAN nikname Beefy

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

[i[color=red]](*Insert pic of REALLY HOT guy!!!)[/[/color]i]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Employer's response:...

Dear Beefy-I mean Bryan ,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.
See you Monday.

Queen Bee · Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:51 pm Post subject:

Now those are funny!

Laughing

momof3_MOD · Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:53 pm Post subject:

Didja ever wonder....

________________________________

Can you cry under water?

________________________________

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

________________________________

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny
for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

________________________________

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

________________________________

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

________________________________

What disease did cured ham actually have?

________________________________

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

________________________________

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up
like every two hours?

________________________________

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

________________________________

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

________________________________

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

________________________________

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

________________________________

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

________________________________

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

________________________________

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

________________________________

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

________________________________

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

________________________________

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

________________________________

If Wile I. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

________________________________

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

________________________________

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

________________________________

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

________________________________

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

________________________________

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

________________________________

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

________________________________

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
place?

momof3_MOD · Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:56 pm Post subject:

Heres one that makes you think!

Don't Judge
Some people!' snorted a man standing some distance behind me in the long line at the grocery store.

'You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line, 'said a woman.

I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw a well-dressed, young woman, trying to get the machine to accept her credit card.

No matter how many times she swiped it, the machine kept rejecting it.

'It's one of them welfare card things. Damn people need to get a job like everyone else,' said the man standing behind me.

The young woman turned around to see who had made the comment.

'It was me,' he said, pointing to himself.

The young lady's face began to change expression.

Almost in tears, she dropped the welfare card onto the counter and quickly walked out of the store.

Everyone in the checkout line watched as she began running to her car.

Never looking back, she got in and drove away.

Several minutes later a young man walked into the store.

He went up to the cashier and asked if she had seen the woman.

After describing her, the cashier told him that she had run out of the store, got into her car, and drove away.

'Why would she do that?' asked the man.

Everyone in the line looked around at the fellow who had made the statement.

'I made a stupid comment about the welfare card she was using. Something I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry,' said the man.

'Well, that's bad, real bad, in fact. Her brother was killed in Afghanistan two years ago. He had three young children and she has taken on that responsibility. She's twenty years old, single, and now has three children to support,' he said in a very firm voice.

'I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know,' he replied, shaking both his hands about.

The young man asked, 'Are these paid for?' pointing to the shopping cart full of groceries.

'It wouldn't take her card,' the clerk told him.

'Do you know where she lives?' asked the man who had made the comment.

'Yes, she goes to our church.

'Excuse me,' he said as he made his way to the front of the line.

He pulled out his wallet, took out his credit card and told the cashier, 'Please use my card. PLEASE!'
The clerk took his credit card and began to ring up the young woman's groceries.

Hold on,' said the gentleman.

He walked back to his shopping cart and began loading his own groceries onto the belt to be included. 'Come on people. We got three kids to help raise!' he told everyone in line.

Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast moving belt.

A few customers began bagging the food and placing it into separate carts.

'Go back and get two big turkeys,' yelled a heavyset woman, as she looked at the man. 'NO,' yelled the man.

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks.

The entire store became quiet for several seconds.

'Four turkeys,' yelled the man. Everyone began laughing and went back to work.

When all was said and done, the man paid a total of $1,646.57 for the groceries.

He then walked over to the side, pulled out his check book, and began writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near the front of the store for a writing surface.

He turned around and handed the check to the young man.

'She will need a freezer and a few other things as well,' he told the man.

The young man looked at the check and said, 'This is really very generous of you.

'No,' said the man. 'Her brother was the generous one.

Everyone in the store had been observing the odd commotion and began to clap.

And I drove home that day feeling very American.

We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!!!
Remember our Troops of Yesterday and Today!!!

A great example of why we should be kind and patient.

Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.

Never judge someone...until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

May God's many blessings continue to be with you - ALWAYS!!!

MAY THIS KEEP GOING....
IT MAY OPEN A LOT OF EYES,
HOPEFULLY HEARTS,
AND KEEP SOME MOUTHS SHUT

momof3_MOD · Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:58 pm Post subject:

Ok Im done now! Enjoy!

Thanks QB! I thought ppl might enjoy these! A little extra smile on your face for the day! Smile

Darlene · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 350

for momof3, you are good and I love that about the dog sticking her head out the window, she sure does. Momof3 your on a roll, don't stop, get your little tushy busy with more,
sign5

I loved the way you said to Stacey S "don't worry your little tushy" Any way good job,

blob3

It was good to hear from Q.B, now we need Sassy!!

Darlene · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 350

My Husband came home to night and I demanded he take me some where expensive, so he said okay, lets go, He took me to the gas station, and that my friend is how the fight started!!

marybeth+willsMommy · Slightly Flawed Joined: 17 Jun 2008 Posts: 108

What do you a call a fish with one eye???

Wait for it - wait for it ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

A fsh!!!!! Get it??? HA HA HA!! I heard that from my husband the other day!! Rolling Eyes

Ephesians 2:10 · Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:38 am Post subject:

Didja ever wonder...

Why we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Very Happy

marybeth+willsMommy · Slightly Flawed Joined: 17 Jun 2008 Posts: 108

I have always wondered that too Epehesians!! Laughing

momof3_MOD · Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:34 am Post subject:

Those are great ladies! Keep it up! We all need extra smiles throughout the day! Smile

Darlene · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 350

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:

If it moves, Tax it.

If it keeps moving, Regulate it.

And if it stops moving, Subsidize it.

Ronald Reagan

----------------------------------------------------
Giving money and power to the Government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teen agers! Rolling Eyes

mammaX3_MOD · Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:40 pm Post subject:

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iowafan · Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject:

Thanks for starting this, Mom of 3! I'll have to think of some..