The Imperfect Community

[GuerinLeigh]

From my situation it appears so.


My husband before I had children was very willing to help out around the house and also willing to accept me doing traditionally male stuff.


Now after only a few months with a child.


Showing less ability to do things around the house, how much he helps with baby is also becoming less and less.

Please note I do the bulk of the housework and home duties that is I cook all meals, I do the washing, the shopping, the cleaning and I think that is fair since he works. But I have noted that lately when bubs is wanting attention and I'm trying to get something done he seems unable to work out that Hey he might be helpful by either helping with the task or helping with the baby. This attitude was the not there before the baby arrived and was not there at the beginning but over time has crept in and seems to be getting worse.

Also in the past if I need to fix something small he was all ok with me trying now it seems that women can't do things. For example replacing a worn washer and O ring on a leaky tap is now too hard for me and he must do it but heres the clincher to get him to do it I need to nag. Which I hate.

Just wondering is this just my guy or have others experienced this phenomenom. I'm just so concerned that by the time I go back to work and I'm hoping to stay home until she is near 2 will I be left in a sexist marriage and having to go through constant fights and battles to get it back on an equal track.

[Petulant Pixie]

It's hard to describe, but some men revert to some knee-jerk idea of what a role should be--husband, father, home-owner, and for a lot of men, that concept is a very traditional one. It's kind of a fear-based thing, like they don't know what their role IS yet, so they go back to the idea of what the think that role should be, even if it's out of character for them or directly against who they are. I don't know if this is making any sense. But, yes, I have experienced that in different doses throughout my marriage. It seems that my husband, once he gets comfortable being in that role--husband, father, home-owner--he's able to loosen up. And, since I have noticed that pattern with him, I can sympathize with what's causing his personality weirdness and work with him to overcome it.

[momof3_MOD]

I cant really say one way or the other b/c in the matter of a year and a half my hubs and I met, got married and got pg with our 1st child (we got pg 4 mo. after we got married!!!)

When we met he did his own laundry, his own dishes, his own meals, his own...everything!!! And I came in and wanted to do everything for him! That was my 1st mistake!!! NOW he does NOTHING at home! I dont expect him to do alot but taking out the trash, doing the yard work and maybe helping me with something would be nice!

I quit working when I was 5 mo pg with my oldest and have worked a couple of jobs since but not for very long. But even then he didnt help out that much. I would come home from work to a house that looked like it had been hit by a tornado and have to clean the house, clean the kids, fix dinner, clean up from dinner, get baths, brush their teeth, get the kids jammies on, read the bedtime stories, say their prayers and tuck them in AND THEN finish cleaning up everything that I had already put away but the kids got into again before I finally got them in bed. AND THEN he would expect some! YEAH RIGHT BUDDY I want/need some "me time"!

So I dont really know if it only happens after you have kids b/c we had them really early in our marriage! Maybe someday he'll change and help out more! LMAO!!! YEAH RIGHT!