The Imperfect Community

JamieS · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 280

We've heard Kate say she's OCD on the show. Do you believe it? I don't. I think it's just control issues. She doesn't make her bed, the house is a mess with toys and she's said she had the camera crew pickup toys so they have room to film. None of her issues point to OCD. She cleans the diningroom floor three times a day. So what. With that many kids, you'd have to clean it three times a day to get the dropped food off the floor. That's not OCD but common sense. As to the Crayola Factory and no markers bit, I think she just doesn't want to clean the kids up. She doesn't want to put out anymore effort than she has to. I'm not a Kate hater, I just don't think she has OCD. I do have an open mind so convince me.

Stacey S · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject:

I don't know what you call it...maybe there are degrees of OCD. I know that if anyone walked into my bedroom right now you would think I was a slob....but I do have control issues. The only way that I can explain it is that certain things trigger this awful anxiety feeling inside of me that absolutely will not go away until it is done my way which at that moment I STRONGLY feel is the only way! I fixate on it & I can't move on until it's corrected. It's very difficult on my family at times & it's something that is brought up in family therapy at least once a month! My argument is... for them to "fix" it or do it "my way" is a pain in the ass & an aggravation for them...but it takes just a few minutes & it's over...for me it is almost like an anxiety attack if it isn't done "properly" which lasts WAY longer, I usually end up flipping out on everyone(very similar to Kate) & then I just do it myself...which then takes everyone hours of brooding to get over the incident. I can give you a hundred examples that you would find just ridiculous, which I usually do after the whole thing is said & done, & more often then not I am ashamed of my behavior....but I do it again, & again.I do have my good sides though Very Happy

JamieS · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 280

I would stand corrected then. You are right, anxiety would define an OCD. I've known people with this disorder and have seen it to it's extreme and in a mild form. Do you take medication and if so, do you think it would help Kate?

Stacey S · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:11 pm Post subject:

I don't...I have issues with that too LOL, however my family may be looking into that for me. Very Happy

I think that's an individual choice for oneself & their family. I had said on a previous post on the other forum;I did not develop this over night, nor did Kate...Mark knew what he was getting into & so did Jon....I'd like to think that my qualities out weight my faults....hopefully I'm worth it! We all have one thing or another that our family loves us in spite of. I have been working REALLY hard to curb what I say though...I have been known to speak very condescendingly to my family...however I CANNOT control my facial expressions!!! angry9

The show has actually helped me to see how awful that looks....I know that Kate loves her husband...I just don't think she can help herself in the heat of the moment...it really does take a lot of forethought. She did say the show was like marriage counceling for them, so maybe now she can see what that actually looks like.

JamieS · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 280

Jessica · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject:

Interesting question.

I think she's a control freak and her obsessiveness is a way to cope with her anxieties.

True OCD would be like her washing her hands 10 times a day and having to walk her entry threshold 7 times over before she can sit. I don't personally think she has true OCD.

One of our bloggers admitted recently admitted to vacuuming 3 times a day and a few others responded that that this was clinical behavior. I don't know if it is or isn't, but I will say, I think people that are into the minutia and organization to the degree that Kate is, feel comfort in being able to have full control in one aspect or another, especially when their world is full of chaos.

This coping mechanism may manifest itself in different ways, some healthy, some unhealthy -- as in the case of those who turn to drugs or become anorexic, it's unhealthy. Cleaning, I would guess, is probably a more healthy way of focusing this anxiety.

Stacey S · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:17 pm Post subject:

I am laughing my butt off with the dueling blogs...I have many, many windows open right now!!! lurk

Stacey S · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject:

My therapist suggested that I read Co-dependent no more ( how to stop controlling other peoples lives & start taking care of your own) Most of these behaviors are very typical in people who grew up in a family where there was drug & or alcohol abuse. So often they felt so out of control in their environment but as a child, they could not do anything about it...so it seems when they grow up they feel the need to control EVERYTHING & everyone in their environment. It is what you said Jessica...comfort. If feels safe.

JamieS · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 280

You are both so right on the money. The need to control comes from issues that started them in the first place. A sense of chaos going up and not knowing what's coming next will cause one to latch onto things that they can control themselves. You're right Jessica, anorexia is an extreme form of control. That's why it's so hard to get out of. If you let go of that control, the world can go careening off into the world and this is where the anxiety comes in. It's a comfort to be in control.

I suffer from anxiety. I don't use it outward, at least I don't think I do, it displays itself internally where my heart pounds and my hands shake and my teeth chatter at it's extreme. If you saw me have an anxiety attack, you'd think I was freezing. Internally I am freezing.

Stacey S · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:37 pm Post subject:

If you don't mind my asking....what sort of things cause this reaction from you?

JamieS · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 280

Stacey S · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject:

I would hardly call you a mess! I have a VERY guilty conscious so I know what you are talking about on a much smaller level. I live upstairs from my mother out-law (my ex's mom...I got his parents in the divorce)She was saying the other day that she is missing a good bit of jewelry...now I KNOW I had NOTHING to do with it, but because I have full access to the house I for whatever reason felt guilty! I felt the chemicals in my body actually change while she was telling me this & my face got hot! I have no idea whether or not she was suggesting I had something to do with it (probably not) but I now feel like a criminal....that sort of thing happens to me all the time.
I also have uncontrollable laughter issues...when I am uncomfortable or in an awkward situation I laugh at almost everything! It's so embarrassing! I also have a very bad habit of making jokes out of things that aren't funny...definitely a coping mechanism! Thank God my sister does it too...you DO NOT want to sit next to us at a funeral...it's really quite inappropriate!

JamieS · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 280

Exactly, exactly exactly!

That's it on the head. I feel guilty. Like I did something wrong even when I know for a FACT I did not. That's what causes it. The fear of believing somehow I was wrong and won't be able to prove it somehow.

I have often wondered if the anxiety comes from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Thanks for saying I'm not a mess. LOL

Stacey S · Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 5:07 pm Post subject:

I'm not sure about that....but what I have discovered is that many of us have very similar "issues" we're just so embarrassed by them we are afraid to say anything to anybody because we don't want to be judged....but it has been my experience (for the most part) that when we do bring these things up we can find a great sense of comfort from others who know "exactly" how we feel....see you're not a mess...your completely normal! Very Happy

JamieS · Seen Better Days Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 280

Normal is so good! hahaha

You are correct. We don't talk about these things because we don't want to be judged. I know I don't. There are people at work who know I have this. One of them is cruel in her treatment of it. She smurks everytime it happens and will have some nasty comment. Others are supportive but I'm still ashamed of it.