The Imperfect Community

Phaedra · Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:38 pm Post subject: Dear Fetus

Dear sweet fusion of chromosomes that have imbedded themselves in my uterus,
How are you holding up? Comfy in that placenta? Getting those neural pathways hooked up correctly? Good, glad to hear it.

Oh, me? Well, actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, at the moment, I've been feeling kind of out of sorts, and I'm not necessarily blaming you, but...

Okay, look, here's the deal. When you first told me you wanted to install a big-screen T.V. in my fundus, I thought it wasn't going to be this big of a deal. I mean, I have to confess that I do like you, quite a bit. For the first couple of weeks there, I was on cloud nine: I had butterflies in my stomach, my pimple-free cheeks were rosy, my breasts were suddenly 1/2 a cup size larger and everything tasted great. Must be love, right?

Wrong. As it turns out, the "butterflies" ended up being gas, I'm breaking out like a junior-prom date on a french fry diet, my breasts and shoulders are in constant pain, and now a good deal of what I smell makes me queasy. I hate to say "you make me sick," but good grief Fetus, I can't even brush my teeth without spewing.

I also have an issue with our sleep schedule. Last week, you made me sleep for close to 16-20 hours a day. When I mentioned casually that this kind of grueling schedule isn't going to work for me, you decided to bequeath me with insomnia. Not funny, Fetus. Until December 7th, I will be in nursing school for at least seven of my twenty-four hour day, and I need to be a fully-functioning, intellectual being so I don't inadvertently kill someone during clinicals. After that date, I'd be open to lounging all day in bed together... At least until I get a job to pay for your expenses, that is.

Now, I understand that no two roommates are alike, and whenever two people move in with one another, there's a transition period where they have to work out their differences. That's cool. But I need some leeway here.

... Don't get like that. It's not that I don't want you around. In fact, I'd be devastated if anything happened to you. Maybe I am being a little harsh, and most of this isn't really your fault. But for sanity's sake, I would appreciate it if you'd give me a heads-up next time you're going to be having a kegger downstairs, savvy? 24-hour crushing headaches does not a happy Cassandra make.

Much love,
Your mom.

---

Guys, help me think of a better gender-neutral nickname than "Fetus."

peglegginmegan · Slightly Flawed Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 27 Location: wv

We called ours "fatty lump" and "skullface". The first is self-explanatory, and the second was because of his ultrasound. It made me want to name him Skeletor.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 6:01 am Post subject:

Ha, ha...this is just the beginning, my dear. Laughing

Jessica · Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 7:17 am Post subject:

Sometimes I think that the first trimester was the worse. I got horrible headaches the first trimester, but PP is right -- just wait until you are 8/9 months pregnant and your precious "fetus" puts his/her toesy-wosey's between your ribs and the extra baggage makes for a horrible night's sleep for months on end.

Then...you have the little devil and you long for the days when you were still pregnant. Enjoy this. Go out as often as you can and get your fill of movies with your friends.

In a few short months, you're life is over as you know it.

Happy Halloween. Mwwwwaaahahhhaaaha. Wink

(BTW, we called ours, "Little a-holes".)

Phaedra · Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 11:59 am Post subject:

Ah, yes... I have had the fear of the Third Trimester put into me several times now (some by this site, some by others). Why anyone would want to have more than one child, I do not yet know.

Also, I'm thinking of calling him/her/it Broodling, because Starcraft wins.