The Imperfect Community

jks1grl · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:11 am Post subject: When does mom get a break?

I am so freaking exhausted! My husband has HIS perfect job, with a 6 state territory so he is gone every other week. We have a 2 1/2 year old and a one year old. They are BOTH sick. I am a SAHM, trying to run a small monogramming business out of my home. Be, when can I steal a few minutes away for myself to sew with two sick kids who are into EVERYTHING? I don't get to go watch a football game of go play golf on the weekends, much less get to sleep in nice quiet a hotel room by myself every other week. There is no extra money for mom to have a mani/pedi or a massage. The most I get to be alone is going to the grocery store on Sunday afternoon. Even then I have to take one of them with me because he just can't handle both!! THis is bullshit!

mammaX3_MOD · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 9:22 am Post subject:

Yikes! I feel your pain. It's hard not getting a break.
Even though my DH helps out, he'll still pull some lazy BS sometimes. Like when I'm in a hurry and just about to walk out the door,
DH: "Wait! Can you just change the girls and get them dressed before you go out?"
---WTF!?--- Evil or Very Mad

Me: "Well, you know where the clothes and diapers are. What would you do if I was completely bedridden?"
DH: "Well, duh! If you couldn't move at all, I'd change them."
Me: "What? I can hear you over the roar of the car engine and squealing tires..........."

Just talk to your hubby. Tell him how you feel. Maybe you can come up with a plan to have him watch to kids 1 day on his weeks home. You can start with a short grocery trip, and eventually stretch "your" days out to spa treatments or girly movies.

Jessica · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 12:49 pm Post subject:

That's a tough one.

The only consolation I have is that I work out of the home and my husband has as much, if not more, kid over-load than me on certain days.

I envy those that have family around. We have some family, but none that would take the kids but every once in a blue moon. Babysitters are expensive and the one we use occassionaly has to be picked up and dropped off and she lives about 20 minutes away.

It's hard and your are so close in age. You need a break though. Tell your husband you need a break. He needs to take one for the team.

julymom · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 3:32 pm Post subject:

Because of our jobs, my dh and I live in seperate states. Ds lives with me, so I am basically a single parent. It can be exhausting. Two weeks ago I was so stressed out I called dh and told him I needed a break and that I was bringing ds to him (along with the dogs) for the weekend (dh had a 4 day weekend and ds was out of school for teacher work day or something). I packed ds (and the dogs) and we met dh half way between our two houses. We all had dinner together and then I left. Dh had him all weekend and I went to Chicago to visit friends. I felt so much better after that weekend. I needed some time to relax and recharge and not have to do anything but have a good time.
Those kids are his kids too, and he needs to step up. Pick a Sat that he is home and make plans to go out on your own or with friends. If he has a problem with it, tell him tough. If he plans to go out, leave first and don't answer your cell. It pisses me off that many dads go off on the weekends to play golf or whatever or have "football time" where they can't be disturbed, but no one ever gives mom time off.
I've learned that no one is going to give it to me. Ihave to take it. You need to take it. Make plans and go. It doesn't even have to be anything big. Just go to the mall for a few hours and window shop and have lunch. It's amazing how much better a mom you will be if you make time for yourself.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 5:14 pm Post subject:

That is bullshit. I'd be doing some rearranging in that situation. Either I'd quit the job or hire some child care with the money I earn. Somehow, some way, I'd find a way to cut corners and make it work, because nobody can be expected to live that way.

I'd also dump the kids with dh when he was home. All the time. I may even think about taking an overnight to myself on occasion when he's home over weekends. He'll have to learn to deal with both kids, that's all. I see this as a marital thing, either he's going to compromise so you can have time to yourself, or....well, *I'd* leave. I wouldn't put up with that. You'd have more time to yourself as a single mother because he'd have to take the kids for visits.

My dh takes all three kids to karate on mondays and wednesday nights for a couple of hours, and then usually he takes them to run errands for a couple of hours on one weekend day. Once every other week, I get the hour for my shrink appointment. I take all three kids to karate on tuesday or thursday nights (sometimes, but rarely both). He stays up way later than I do, though. I go to bed between 10-10:30 and he usually stays up to about midnight (he sleeps an hour later than I do, too) so he gets an hour and a half-two hours every night for his stuff (he plays XBox or works on his models or whatever). I also let him sleep in until 10-10:30 on weekends, which is important to him (and he repays me with my quiet time). He isn't a golf guy or a go out with the guys guy, but he did used to bowl every week (the team split up when the department was sold). I don't consider myself "lucky" though, I think that we have a pretty fair marriage, which is what's expected. Give and take for both of us.

mommyweirdest · Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 10:01 am Post subject:

Pardon my French but fuck that.

Fuck that on so many levels!
You need to speak with him, and tell him you need a break. Punch him if you need to...let him spend a FULL day with BOTH kids so he sees what you go through on a daily basis. Let him prepare breakfast, and stay out until they are tucked in their beds.

I wouldn't stand for that, at all.