The Imperfect Community

Jessica · Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 8:31 am Post subject: Favor/more aggrevation

Okay, so the plot thickens. Remember the "friend" I told ya all about? The one that asked if her son could stay overnight etc.?

Anyway, this chick leaves me a message asking me that on one of my days off this week (mind you, I took Friday off for a day for *me* and she knows this), if I could go to the transitional Kindergarten and observe it with her because her son mentioned he didn't want to go to Kindergarten and now she's thinking that she will bitch and fight for her son to stay in preschool with Graham another year because she doesn't want to put her son through the emotional scars of putting him into Kindergarten when he doesn't want to go.

Back-story. This mom and dad don't work. As far as I can tell (and this is really bitchy of me, I know), they spend their time using state aid to go from doctor to doctor finding things wrong with them. I swear, the last time we went out, I had to hear about every GD illness that all them have, however, they all look pretty damn healthy and fine to me. Her son, who supposedly has ADHD, autism, sensory issues, allergies, mental problems and learning disabilities (and I thought I had problems!), but seems like a normal kid every time I see him. Of course, I know that's not fair, because perhaps people would say that about Graham (well, he is normal, he's just eccentric, but a lot people probably don't pick up on that - why would you?).

Anyway, Graham was chosen to go to a very limited summer school program this summer. I thought that was so odd, given how much they fought to not have him moved up a level. The limited summer school program is only 10 days long, 3 days a week (every *other* day), outside of his normal teacher and class (his reg. teacher is teaching the full summer school program this year).

So, this mom, I'll call her "M", she tells me that her son was supposed to go to that and bitched to high heaven and demanded that he put in the full-progam and so he was able to get into that. Now, he's going to Kindergarten in the fall and is a full year, year and half older than Graham.

I don't know why, but I'm really pissed about this. Especially, given yesterday, we went to the water park and Graham couldn't go on the water slides (you have to be 48", he's 42") and I explained that him, which he got really pissed about and of course, in all his rain-man glory, he obsessed about Grammy-style. I've had to hear about fucking inches for the last 24 hours. I have been followed around with a calculator with a little 4-year old going, okay, you are 5 feet. 12x5 is 60, are you 60"?

"No, Graham, I'm 5'7", add 7."

"Okay, you are 67". Why do you have to be 48"? Why am I 42"? Can I have the measuring tape? How many inches tall is Dad. Who is that girl (pointing to the street)? How many inches is she? Why do you have to be 48" to go on the slide"? Why am I 42"? Why is Holden 48"? How big is 48"? If subtract 42 from 48, how many inches?"

(This is just a glimpse of my life! This obsession will last for months, I guarantee you.)

Any "M" calls me the other day and says she drives by my house because her son misses Graham. He can't live without Graham, yadda yadda yadda. We don't even see them that much! She says her son has transition issues too and that he needs the full summer school and that she wants my input because she is going to talk to their teacher and possibly make them hold her son back another year. In my opinion, I think this is a very bad idea. Her son just seems so much more like a normal Kindergartner and quite frankly, I want Graham moved up, I don't want to hold him back, in fact, if I had my druthers, I would probably have him skip Kindergarten and just go into 1st.

Anyway, this brings me back to summer school. The 3-day week thing, for 10 days is going to leave Graham with major fucking anxiety. I just know it. He is not going to get it. His teacher said he just started to feel comfortable in her class a few months ago, so gee, it took 5 or 6 months for him to adjust. I'm not sure what the point of this summer school thing is going to do for Mr. Rain-man Graham, just to do it. I've been thinking that I'll probably not send him at all.

Well, "M" knows all about this, and basically used the same argument for her son to get him into full-time summer school. Well, not the Rain-man thing, but the anxiety thing. Her son is right on target academically.

I just want this person to leave me alone. It's like, now they're screwing over Graham too, because I know he was bumped for her kid. I don't even want them in the same class next year! Ugh. She calls and says that her son needs to say goodnight to Graham and Graham is like, WTF? Graham doesn't give a shit and it's really starting to annoy me. I get the feeling that she is the one instigating it.

I feel like writing a letter to his teacher telling her how I feel, that I think it's complete bullshit, but I don't know how that would go over. Maybe it's time to get that organization involved, the one the doctor suggested that I work with. I mean, am I being too sensitive here?

She also has a 2 year old daughter, who she is insisting go to the special ed. school, but she couldn't get an evaluation to confirm the need, so she has a friend say that she needed OT. I guess I don't understand why you would want your child to do that. Again, I would prefer if Graham weren't there. I was even considering moving him to a regular preschool, but I know he still has some "issues" to work out. But I do want role models for Graham that are more than what his class if providing him now. That's what the school is disagreeing with me on, as all of you already know.

What would you guys do?

ExCareerGal · Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 7:32 pm Post subject:

Tell her that with your new job you find you have been neglecting your family, close friends, and responsiblities. Because of that you have decided to pull back from acquaintances that seem to need more of your time that you are able to give. (nighttime phone calls, helping to look at schools, sleepovers, etc.) I have had this talk with many friends and acquaintances if I find them wanting more of my time that I have to give. Some I never hear from after this talk( but they are pleasant to me if we run into each other) others understand and pull back to a level I am comfortable with.

You do not need to rat out this person- the school will catch on. If her son got a slot that your son should have had for the summer, than raise a stink as high as hers or higher without mentioning her or her child. She sounds like bad news and black hole that will suck the life out of those she comes into contact with.

Good luck and trust your instinct. She is a user. But it is your fault if you let yourself be used.

Janna

honeybee · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 20 Dec 2002 Posts: 3163

OMG. Your posts make my head spin. Confused

It's like getting a peak into my future with Owen or something. Shocked

Why would the ten day program stress Graham out?
Owen's starting the summer session of his school, it will run 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off until the school year starts up again. Why would this be a bad thing? Question

Jessica · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 7:33 am Post subject:

Jessica · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 7:45 am Post subject:

ExCareerGal · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 9:51 am Post subject:

Sorry if the being used comment sounded harsh. I was talking to myself more than you. Even when I have been screwed over by people I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and give them several more chances. In all cases, the same pattern holds and I feel like an idiot since I knew it would happen!! "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me'" seems to go over my head. I let people use and abuse me at times and like to prevent it from happening to others!

It sounds like you have a good handle on the situation.
Janna

Jessica · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 10:10 am Post subject:

honeybee · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 20 Dec 2002 Posts: 3163

Okay, Owen is totally not a rigid type, so I don't need to worry about that. Graham must be so intense. What would he do it his watch stopped? Laughing

And that mom actually told her kid that he was hurt and to tell you so? Shocked

Ack, that's a psycho.

Jessica · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 1:49 pm Post subject:

prescott · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 2:52 pm Post subject:

Another example of Graham's "uniqueness" -- this morning I told him we were leaving at 10:30, but I was trying to get some work done before we left so we were running a little late. I'm taking a shower and he runs into the bathroom, whips open the shower curtain, and is yelling, "It's 10:30! It's 10:30! We have to go!" Laughing

It's sounds more intense than it is in reality, it's more that he is just obsessed with time than anything -- he's usually fine if I just tell him we're late and doing whatever in a little bit.

The silver lining is when I actually *do* need to make sure to get out of the house at a certain time, like to go to school, etc., he's always ready to go! thumbright

mammaX3_MOD · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 6:00 pm Post subject:

Jessica, there are "normal" moms out there, this one just sounds like your average, run-of-the-mill PAIN IN THE ASS!!!! (sorry, after reading this thread, and the other one about the sleepover, I just had to say it) She just seems very clingy. That whole thing about calling Graham at night....... CUCKOO! CUCKOO!

Personally, I think if her son and Graham are in the same class, be it the Summer program or in Kindergarten, I think she will be like an anchor, drowning you in her issues! And WTF is up with "He doesn't want to go to Kindergarten!" What if he doesn't want to go the NEXT year, too? And the see-saw thing! Sounds like her kids are around to nurture her, and if she can't rush 'em to the hospital or at least put on a band-aid, then (in her mind) she has no purpose.

From what you've mentioned about Graham here and on past threads, I think he sounds ready for Kindergarten. And schools these days seem very willing to help accomodate kids with "special needs". Gone are the days of a classroom of 5 kids with diabilities ranging from Cerebral Palsey to Downs Syndrome and other conditions, where the rest of the school points and laughs at hem all day. My son's school lets these students be integrated in with the rest of the student population, and leave the classroom on occasion for OT and other one-on-one teaching. (I'm not saying Graham is mentally retarded. They classified my son as a "special needs student" because he "lacks social skills". They're going to work with him next year in 1st grade to help him not be so shy.)
And I think once you get in to Kindergarten and Grade school, I think you'll find regular moms who might share similar interests as you, that you can befriend.

My advice for you with "M": Ruuuuuun!!!!!!

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 7:57 am Post subject:

She sounds like bad news in general. Cut her loose!

3boysmama · Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 4:55 pm Post subject:

get rid of that crazy lady fast!! i totally agree with you on the her dragging you into her drama. I hope you can ditch her and her craziness. good luck!!

Scout · Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 9:43 pm Post subject:

What a fucking freak. It almost sounds like a Munchausen's by proxy type thing. Cut her loose.

Anthromomma · Posted: Thu May 31, 2007 8:57 am Post subject:

What Scout said. Is Graham really such good friends with this kid that you can't phase the nutjob out entirely?