The Imperfect Community

[Scout]

Ok, I know I want and need to lose weight, I'm totally disgusted with myself, but something is stopping me. As soon as I start thinking about trying to lose weight, it's like I become obsessed with food. I just went and signed up at sparkpeople.com, but then I look at all the information and I'm just thinking "I'm not going to do this. I won't eat foods off a list, I already know I won't, and when and how am I going to find the time to exercise when I have already been trying to do that for ages? Nothing is going to work for me."

How do people do this?

[Petulant Pixie]

I exercise just about every day, but for me the goal isn't weight loss--it's to avoid diabetes and high blood pressure and a stroke. Seriously, I mentally keep the exercise and the dieting separate. I consider exercise as a chore like doing laundry or shopping. It just has to be done.

Dieting sucks. It isn't just about eating less. It takes a LOT of planning. You have to plan your breakfasts and snacks and lunches and you have to be pro-active to avoid actually getting hungry. Listening to hunger cues is fine for maintaining weight, but when you're dieting, you're having to provide a calorie deficit and that's a pain.

My solo successes have come when I have not worried about WHAT I'm eating, but controlled how much. Again, it's planning. That's why the weight watchers points system works. You can have nachos, you can have birthday cake--just small portions and then you take the calories (or points) out of someplace else later or earlier in the day. I've done low-fat diets and I've done low carb diets and yeah, I feel cheated and crave whatever it is I "can't" have. They do work faster, but it's miserable.

If you're serious about losing weight (and you have to be in order to succeeed, you can't just do it half-hearted), then you need to plan your meals. Preferably, pack lunches and snacks for the next day. If you're eating out, take half that whopper and half the fries and throw them away before you even sit down. If you're eating foods that you know are high calorie (like pasta or nachos), then serve yourself on a small plate and before you eat, LOOK at your food and give yourself a pep-talk, like "This is what I get, this is how many calories I NEED, anything more than this is overeating, this is what I agreed to do, this is what I WANT to do" so you don't feel cheated while giving your kids second and third helpings of something you yourself only got to eat 2 cups of. And, plan to have munchies there--celery, cucumbers, radishes--no calorie filler foods to chomp on while the rest of your family stuffs their faces with the big platters of yummy food.

It sucks, Kristy, there's no getting around it. But, if you WANT to lose weight, then that's what it takes. Personally, *I'd* rather have 2 cups of pasta and a bunch of cucumber and celery slices than 4 cups of totally tasteless diet stuff, but that's me.

[Scout]

I guess I think, with any kind of diet "Ok, even if I make myself do this for a while, which seems doubtful, what will happen when I stop?" Becuase obviously I'm not going to live my whole life never eating dessert or never having pasta or whatever. I know I need to control my portions and cut down on sugar. I know I need to exercise for my health if nothing else. But knowing doesn't translate into doing, for some reason. It's like, OTOH I think I just need to cut my portions way down, so why do I need a plan and a list to tell me that, but OTOH, I won't do it, so I think I need a plan and a list to make me do it, but then that backfires because I immediately rebel against the plan.

I did just make a deal with a mom in my MOMS group who lives nearby to run together three times a week after dh gets home, so maybe that will be a start at least.

[Petulant Pixie]

That is a good start.

Like I said, I don't do well psychologically with the lists and the forbidden foods. But, the one thing that programs like Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers do is that they give you an idea of how many calories you should be eating each day for weight loss. If you look at it like a formula, then it helps.

Then taking that and applying just like the diabetic diet, which I had to do during my pregnancy, it isn't that restrictive. You can eat ANYTHING, but you need to space the foods out and keep the portions small. Basically, that's what I'm doing now, sticking to the diabetic type diet, so I can have pasta and I can have cake and pieces of candy, but just within the paramaters of my calorie allotment and just small portions. And, that's really what keeping a healthy weight is about.

[mammaX3_MOD]

[Anthromomma]

I have a lot of the same issues. I think part of my problem stems from my (mild) OCD. If I start limiting food, or whatever, I obsess over everything that goes into my mouth, and eventually I end up eating more than I was before. And I have a philosophical problem with the whole idea of a 'diet.' I'm not going to stay on one forever, so what I'm eating needs to be sustainable in the long term. At the same time, though, I have had to face up to the fact that I have been slowly becoming more and more sedentary, and becoming accustomed to eating larger portions than I should, and those things coupled with three pregnancies in five years has resulted in a big old fat me. For the most part, what I eat is pretty healthy (whole grains, lean proteins, lots of fruits and veggies, etc) it's how much I eat and my activity level that's the problem.

Instead of following a program, what I'm doing is keeping an online food journal. So far, it's really helping me make better choices because when I don't, it's there in black and white. I mean, I'm not really restricting myself per se, but after logging the handful of dark chocolate chips that I ate yesterday afternoon and realizing that there were almost as many calories right there as I had eaten for breakfast and lunch together, well, I don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon. And my big motivating factor right now is that I want to model an active lifestyle for my kids-- so the thing that I'm really holding myself to right now is doing something active every day. I get up early to do an hour of ypga or go for a jog, get to the gym when I can, throw the kids in the double jogger and walk to the zoo or the science museum. Our cable has workout programs for free On Demand (pay per view type thing), so if nothing else, I'll put one of those on in the late afternoon and the kids will do it with me.

Eh, I don't know. I'm just sick of myself, so hopefully the motivation will stick this time around.

[Jessica]

God-damn, you guys are all a bunch of downers!

I am losing my weight. It's not all about never being able to have dessert again, it's about being smart about it.

[Petulant Pixie]

Anthro--we have those workout things too on cable. I love the walking one. It's a walking program you can do in your livingroom. Each segment is only like 15 minutes long though, so you have to do three in a row, but hey! I hate dance aerobic type things and I'm still healing my ab area (the doctor said it'll take a full year for it to be all the way healed), so I avoid the bouncing or high-impact things and real rigorous ab workouts.

The food journal really helps, too. When I first did that years ago, it was a real eye-opener. The places you put calories and don't even think about it (like eating slices of cheese when you make the kids' lunches in the morning--there's 100 calories, oops, there's another 100...), and measuring out real portion sizes. When I had GD it was an eye opener, too, because some things, like a frozen pot pie are 2 servings. Like you're gonna cut a pot pie in half and share it with someone, lol. But, after a while you get an idea for what's realistic and what isn't and your body starts to give you cues accordingly.

I lost 65 lbs after having Alex by dieting. I lost 40 after Katie with Jenny Craig and doing like 8 hours of martial arts and weight lifting a week, and then I took off the 20 I put on in MA when we moved here by monitoring my food intake. So, I can do it again. This is still Liz weight!

[supergirl]

I'm going to be in the same exact position in about four months.

[mommy2three]

The very best thing I have ever done for myself is join a gym with a friend. We have a routine, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday we work out together at the gym, I also walk an hour on the other mornings, weather permitting. I think having a friend who will keep you going or you keeping friend going is the best possible solution when it comes to motivation issues. Right now my friend is telling me that she doesn't want to renew her contract which is coming up in May, I keep telling her that as soon as bathing suit season is in the horizon she'll be motivated again....maybe. At this point for me I'll keep the gym membership as I feel guilty spending the money each month and not using the equipment. 2 years and we've pretty much thoroughly used the facility, taken classes often and for the most part enjoyed the membership benefits. I'm toned but have not really lost weight, I just can't seem to lose the belly flab tho dh says I'm hot considering I've had three babies stretch me out and deflate me....I guess thats' a good thing that he says I'm hot. The benefits that I have gained however are far more important to me, I'm strong, and flexible again....something I was not 2 years ago.

[Scout]

I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm trying to figure out why I seem to have this totally illogical issue where I hate the way my body looks, but I resist doing anything about it. I want to be healthy and reasonably thin again. I think part of it is that I can still rationalize that "I'm not that big" or I don't look that bad, and I'm not really in that bad of shape, etc, and I can eat whatever I want and not exercise and still be not that bad off. But really that is bullshit, because even though I know how to dress to hide my gut, it's still there, and pretty soon it will be too big to hide, and I'm like 1/10 of a point from "obese" on the BMI, and my health is not going to magically hold up forever.

So, I am feeling more motivated today, and I think having a walking/running partner (I think there are 3 or 4 of us now, actually) will help, and dh will be supportive, and I'm just going to have to suck it up and do it.

[mommy2three]

Ha! I have to look up this whole BMI thing, my oldest came home from school yesterday telling me that her BMI was 18.2 and that her phys ed teacher told her that since she was below normal and that if she documented her low BMI that the school would have to intervene with nutritional counseling, the teachers told her that she was just gonna put a 19 because she'd be in normal range then, the kid is 14 and eats everything in sight and is GROWING.

Don't beat yourself up on the motivation issue just yet....try your best to get some type of physical exertion every day....the routine; in my case, was most helpful because otherwise I won't allow time for taking care of ME.

[Petulant Pixie]

We're here to support you, too, Kristy. Being active and having an exercise routine is so much more important than the weight thing. There have been so many studies done that say that.

Also, a recent study showed that being overweight in itself doesn't hurt your health, it's the complications of being overweight--having diabetes and high blood pressure. Thin people with diabetes and high blood pressure had the same mortality risks as overweight and obese people, but of course being overweight can increase the risks of those health problems.

When I had the GD, it showed just how magical exercise was. I could eat anything ANYTHING and if I exercised right afterwards, it just eliminated the sugar from my blood and my readings would be in normal range. If I didn't exercise, then I had a sorry number to write down and have to explain it to the doctor. That's why I had to go on the once-a-day shots, because I injured my knee and couldn't do my after dinner workouts for a while! Really, if you're going to make one change to affect your health, make it the exercise.

[snuffles]

Last Jan I started the year at 175 pounds. This jan I'm at 125 pounds.

I didn't really diet (because like many others, that's an instant killer for me) so I just changed my lifestyle. The first thing I did was cut out the Starbucks coffees. I always get a Breve (half and half) but I didn't realise that the med size can have about 600 calories and the large is about 900 clories. And When I was working, I was drinking 2-3 a day. I wasn't eating my calories, I was drinking them. So once I stopped getting my coffees, I dropped weight right there.

Another trick I use is to give myself the same serving as the kids. This way I get an idea of how much food I've actually given them, so I know if it's true when they say they're full after 4 bites! Also, something as simple as "forgetting" to give everyone something to drink. It usually takes my boys about 5-10 minutes to realise I've forgotten the drinks. During that time, I eat but when they ask for the drinks, I get up and get it then. For me, it's a break in eating and let's everything settle a bit. They say it takes 20 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain that you're full. So I eat for 10 minuttes and then take a 10 minute break. I usually have to "go to the bathroom" (ie, read a few pages of my book alone in the bathroom) and then come back to dinner. I grew up with my parents making us finish everything on our plate. And, well, it honestly took me YEARS to break that cycle and it was a really hard one for me. Another trick I use is to use the smallest fork possible whenI eat. It's the hand to mouth thing really, and it makes me very aware of how many times I'm actually putting the fork in my mouth.

Also, for me, once I eat, that's it, I'm done and I've got to eat the rest of the day. So if I eat breakfast, I'm kinda screwed the rest of the day. If I get busy and eat just dinner, then I eat from dinner to bed. (Sad but true.) So that's another trigger for me. I've tried the low carb diets and they are the worst for me. About three days into a low carb diet all I can think about is mashed potatoes, pastas and breads. It drives me insane so it never lasts very long.

Basically, find your triggers and aviod them. If you need to "lie" to yourself to make the diet, I mean program, (lol) work for you, then do what you need to do. Good Luck everyone!

[Scout]

Thanks for the support, everyone! I definitely need to be reminded how important it is to exercise. I know it, but I need to really be motivated and just do it. At least I have long ago kicked my daily Taco Bell habit 9which did not cause me to lose any weight WTF!), but the sweet tea is going to be the killer for me to quit. I know I have to do it, though.