The Imperfect Community

[prescott]

[Scout]

I guess I was thinking of how AP parents are constantly accused of thinking we are better than everyone else, and we have to watch every word we say so as not to appear judgemental.

As for the parenting article thing, I rarely read that stuff anymore. I think Brain, Child has a history of running good stuff, but it has been a while since I read an issue. The only magazine I really read right now is The New Yorker. I got a sample issue of a less baby-oriented mag called Wonder Time that seemed pretty good. It's more geared toward stuff you can do ith your kids, ways you can better use the space in your house to fit the needs of the family, etc.

Prescott, how does the ad thing work? You get paid per click?

[mammaX3_MOD]

[quote="Scout"] I guess I was thinking of how AP parents are constantly accused of thinking we are better than everyone else, and we have to watch every word we say so as not to appear judgemental.

[/quote]
I know not all AP's are like this, but on some boards, APs just really like to pat themselves on the back for their ways. I think it's perfectly fine to co-sleep or carry your baby in a sling, but it's just not for me.

[Jessica]

[MedeaNJ]

I found the article rather annoying. I would love to do a counter article, but since I failed in most respects in what the author viewed as AP, I would not qualify...I'm an Imperfect semi-AP Parent.

Still if the author's kids are healthy, happy, thriving, creative, imaginative, and curious in all aspects of the world around them, then kudos to her.

[Jessica]

[prescott]

[Scout]

Granted, some of the MDC women are apeshit insane. When I used to post over there (mainly for sling biz purposes) I had to always defend you people. I think the magazine is a quality publication, and is not as extreme as a lot of the women on the forums over there.

I do get that the article was supposed to be funny, but I think it makes some jokes at the expense of AP'ers that are mean (oozing breasts? stinky and unshowered?) I mean, it's like if I wrote a "funny" essay about how I bf'd because I don't want my kids to be fat and slow, and how I co-sleep because I think kennels are for dogs, not babies, etc. (y'all know I don't think this, I'm just giving what I think would be an equivalent level of snarkiness). How charred and black would my ass be after the roasting I would get? I don't see this as being any different, except that it's somehow ok to make fun of AP. It's like we're the weird drama kids in high school (again ).

[Jessica]

[Petulant Pixie]

Kristy, I think that part of why people feel they can take aim at things like attachment parenting (either in humor or defensively, both of which this article seemed to represent) is that the AP philosophy IS so judgemental. It claims that its way is not just the best way, but that by not following its doctrine you are somehow neglecting your childrens' needs (either emotional needs or nutritional needs, or health needs). The mainstream method of parenting seems more of the "just get through the fucking day with the fewest mishaps as possible" mentality. Of course, us seasoned parents know that the latter is how things usually turn out anyway no matter what your initial intentions are. But for the newcomers, they still think they can pull it all off and get all snooty about it.

I mean, just the name--attachment parenting--implies that it's the bees knees. Because what are the people who don't ahere to it? Untattached? I mean no matter how great a parent you are, if you're not doing ATTACHED PARENTING, then what are you? So it's easy to get frustrated by the attitudes and the idea of being unattached or whatever.

I swear, if I had any clout (medical degree, advanced child education degree), I'd come up with my own child-rearing philosophy and sell it as "Good Parenting", because the same idea would be at work. Who wants do say they're not into Good Parenting? I mean, really, who would go around boldly saying, "That Good Parenting stuff is just crap, I guess I'm more of a Bad Parent." It'd be a gem. I'm surprised nobody has capitalized on it!

[honeybee]

[Scout]

PP, I do see what you are saying. I think the term (coined by dr. Sears?) was sort of an effort to define this type of parenting, and the ways it seemed to be different from mainstream parenting had to do with the level of attachment the methods try to promote, as opposed to pushing the child to be "independent" too soon? I don't know.

I also think "natural parenting" has gotten all mixed up in the idea of AP, when the two are not necessarily the same. I do realize that a lot of people get on boards and talk shit about how great they are as an AP parent, but IME IRL, most people who think of themselves as AP are more like me--just using what works for them and not really worried about following a list of "rules" or competing with the other parents. And of course, since AP is often frowned on IRL, people feel validated by finding other like-minded parents on line. I think it just seems like a continuous cycle of one group sinking to the level of the other's worst examples, KWIM? And I get tired of being stereotyped as a stinky hippy.

[ExCareerGal]

I can verify that Kristy is not a stinky hippy.
She smells fine.

[Petulant Pixie]

It's just mommy war shit, Kristy. I don't know what it is about mothering that makes us so competitive. Whether it really is driven by a lack of self-esteem or what. But, I read those things and take them with a grain of salt. Same with the anti-mainstream stuff--the "baby bucket" stuff and so on. It's just shit flinging.

Which reminds me, I started Little Children and had to put it down...maybe I'll post more about that on the book thread (just to put a hook in here though )

[prescott]