The Imperfect Community

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

And I really grate at the fact that you think I am being defensive. I have nothing to defend. It isn't my issue because I think whatever a family is is great for them. I don't even care about the snarky comments people make about only children. That isn't to say there wasn't a time I didn't care, i just don't now. What they say about me or my kid has no impact on who we are. I certainly never said or implied that my family size is preferable to anyone's.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:28 am Post subject:

OK, whatever Laughing

I really don't care. I don't do nearly as much work as my peers. I actually pride myself on my lazy-ass parenting (I'm not being sarcastic, you can ask my friends). My kids are spaced wonderfully, so that I can still sleep in on weekends. I hear them, and I'm a light sleeper anyway, but my almost 8 y.o. and my 12 y.o. get the toddler up and out of her crib and get her juice and toast or a pop tart or banana (and they watch her at the table while they eat, so if she chokes--which hasn't happened--they'd just yell for me), and they put TV on or play with her. They help with the grocery shopping and the laundry and setting and clearning the table. They're my private child labor and I was sad to send them off to school after the wonderful summer. So, my 3 are definately a different experience than Annie's 3. I am by no means a martyr or a workaholic. I always look for ways to cut corners so I can sit my lazy ass down and read a novel or play on the computer. Like now, Katie's home with a rash, so she and Liz are playing with the play kitchen. I pick stuff off the "menu" and they bring it to me. I'm interacting with them, lol, but I also see the value in them entertaining themselves.

So, for ME, going from 1 to 2 kids was a lot more work and then going from 2 to 3 kids was a lot more work. For someone who has one of those "work ethics" where they come up with engaging things to do with the kids all day and think of their motherhood experience as some sort of full-time JOB, then I guess adding more kids wouldn't take any more effort. Or if, like M23 said, she had a totally high needs first kid, then the rest would be easier to add to. I was just really chiming in with my experience, not looking to compete. It's a competition I'd lose, gladly Laughing

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

I just want to point out again I didn't bring it up! And I really was trying to say obviously all the parents of more than one really have more of a clue about having an only that Caz gave them credit for with the whole "They have no idea" Well hell yes you have some of an idea! But my refrains of that are getting old aren't they?

And PP, honestly you sound like you parent a lot like me Smile

Kelly

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

All I said was I don't think it is always necessarily more work.

MMMkay, so you don't think caring for and raising another actual human being creates more work? I don't get it. Logic should tell you that it certainly will. Not that the work is awful, or backbreaking, etc, but that it does require MORE.

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

For some people it isn't. For me I suspect it would be. For a few of my friends they said 2 was way harder, a few said two was easier and some said three was harder than two and others said it wasn't.

I actually don't think there is a definite at all times X number of children is X amount of work. I certainly don't think that parents of more than one are just lazing around while i slave endlessly to keep my only amused. Because um I have common sense. But not everyone perceives it to be more work, so like I said it isn't necessarily more work. And just because it isn't "more work" doesn't mean it isn't harder.

I am not even sure how you guys are drawing conclusions that I never even implied. If you say it was more work for you, then it is more work. If you say it wasn't, then it wasn't.

But mostly the real point I am making is that I think almost EVERY parent knows what it is like to parent an only. So I don't think that somehow I am struggling with some difficult task that none of you understand. I think you do in fact understand it, because you lived it.

Kelly

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

For some people it isn't.

Um, well then they must not be doing anything for their subsequent children then! Rolling Eyes

Doing stuff (feeding, changing, holding, playing with, putting to bed, disciplining, driving places, bathing, ANYTHING that requires physical or mental exercise) for children is work. So they are either ignoring their kids completely, lol, or they are not being honest.

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

Which is why I said several times they perceive it to be more or less work. I personally think it is a way different dynamic and that will feel like a lot of things.

Kelly

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:18 am Post subject:

I thought the original question was whether two kids equals DOUBLE the work of one kid, not whether it was a question of just more work. Of course adding more children is adding more work, I mean THAT is a no-brainer. Whether it's exactly double the work is impossible to measure. But, it's double the kids' laundry, double the kids' food and clean up, double pretty much everything. So, all that day-to-day stuff is just what it is, separate from the dynamic issues.

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

I forgot the original question, but went off on a tangent when Treemom said

All I said was I don't think it is always necessarily more work.

I am not sure about double though. How about calling it "lots more" and leaving it at that? Laughing

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:30 am Post subject:

LOL. I will say, and I forgot that we actually SAY this to each other--A&K have long karate on friday nights (like almost three hours of various classes), so Mike and I drop them off and he and Liz and I go out. We run fun errands (the bookstore, etc.) and we go SIT down for a coffee, and it's our date night, because we say having one kid with us is like having no kids. It is for us. If we're going shopping, taking just ONE kid along is a treat for us, because it's effortless. Taking all three kids to the store is a monumental effort and the other parent owes favors for it.

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

Well to be honest the ACTUAL question was do you have an only. And to be fair I didn't derail the topic. Caz did right here http://imperfectparent.com/community/viewtopic.php?p=39859&highlight=#39859

I was attempting to dispute what she said. And ya'll got hung up on semantics. It is what it is. I refuse to beat my friend over the head and make her demand that in her case her 2 were more work than one when she says it isn't. I go back to your reality is what you perceive it to be.

And to answer the question, yes I have an only child.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:43 am Post subject:

Well, your friend's experience is her experience, and maybe she is one of those who is a workaholic anyway so adding more didn't seem like more work. I dunno.

I do know, that I STILL don't mean it to be a competition, or that I'm some martyr. I have it a lot easier than other moms. I've been a f/t working mother (of one, I quit work when my second was born) and I know that being a full-time working mom of one was waaaay more work than being a sahm or part-time working mother of two, or sahm of three (have thought about a p/t job, but the right one hasn't appeared yet). I honestly don't know how those women do it. I also know that having a spouse makes things so much easier. I see single mothers and I don't know how they do it. Or divorced parents. We see the "joint custody shuffle" at karate and at school and that looks impossibly difficult. I don't think those parents are martyrs or deserve medals or anything, but I'll readily acknowledge that they do have a lot more work than I do It doesn't make me feel inadequate or lesser to say they work harder than I do so yeah, I guess I do just see it as somewhat defensive that someone would argue that having 1 kid is as much work as having two. It just doesn't make sense.

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

Did I argue that? Because I don't think I did. What I did say and ya'll are happy to quote constantly while completely not reading apparently is that it isn't necessarily always more work. My friend says it isn't, you said for you it was. So in other words, for her it wasn't, for you it was. Does it matter? I am not saying that it was more or less work compared to me. I am saying SHE says it was more work for her with her one very high needs, than her when she had two, one who was 5 and a much easier baby. However she said three was insanely hard and more work, with two in school and a high needs baby.

How is that being defensive? I never compared anyones workload to mine. I relayed what they said their workload was with one and then with two and then with three. I am defensive about the words that are being put in my mouth. That was a completely different poster who said she has more work than you do. I have no idea how much work you do because I don't know you. You may or may not. I suspect you probably do because I am lazy, as demonstrated by spending my morning on here instead of working Smile

Kelly

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 12:28 pm Post subject:

Jessica · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:04 pm Post subject:

I think have any kids is a big pain in the ass.