The Imperfect Community

supergirl · Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:47 pm Post subject:

I never realized how easy I had it for the first four years of my oldest child's life until I had my second child! I am still hopeful that it's the age of my youngest child, rather than the two child dynamic. If things are hard now simply because there's two, I'm gonna have a big problem a month from now when there's three! I'm starting to get scared.

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

Kenna-

I never realized how easy I had it until my kid started school and then there were all these social engagements and OT and violin and piano and blah blah blahety blah. All I kept thinking was "Wait, isn't it supposed to get easier once they are in school?" We have always spent a lot of time together, but it was much more focused on things I thought were cool until he could express his never ending opinions on stuff.

I often think holy crap thank god I don't have more than one since I barely keep it together with him.

Kelly

Jessica · Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:56 pm Post subject:

Going from one to two kids was a much bigger adjustment than going from none to one.

I have heard that going from two to more kids is not a big deal, but I dont' know.

I could have never imagined how much more work having two would be though.

PP, do you remember your husband not wanting to have three because he thought it might quite possibly kill him? Of course, that didn't happen, but wasn't it you that said that years ago, before Liz?

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:22 pm Post subject:

Yeah, he was convinced it would kill him to go from two kids to three. It hasn't. But, that idea that the big change is from 1 kid to 2 and then those after that are piddling is bullshit. We have three children and each one of them is an individual child. Seriously, if I go two weeks without having to be up in the night with one or two of them I am lucky. Bad dreams, headaches, sore throats, bedwetting accidents...it goes on and on for the reasons to be up at 3 am. Plus after this round of stomach flu, I tell ya, there were three kids puking at three different times.

Kelly, I never saw it as a "mommy war", Caz the one with the fighting words about how she spends more time with your one than other mothers spend with their multiple kids combined. Who isn't going to have something to say about that? Then you stated you didn't believe that two kids was twice the work. Maybe it is our unique situation since my kids are spaced so far apart (4 years between 1 and 2 and 6 years between 2 and 3), so I never did the baby/toddler thing in one sweep then the school age thing in one sweep. I had years of spacing between diaper phases!

mommy2three · Imperfect Parent Joined: 20 Dec 2002 Posts: 1674

For me the big adjustment was going from 1 child to 2, once #3 came along and the other two were 6yo and 4yo I kinda felt like having another was not a big deal.

Having 3 kids in school now and in different schools IS a big deal. From 6:15 when the first gets on her bus for school till 8:45 when #3 gets on her bus I am doing nothing but herding children, my afternoon of shuffling kids off to afterschool activities starts at 1:50 and doesn't stop until around 7pm. I didn't know you could pack so much into a day until my kids started school. I am trully astounded by high school these days and what is expected and how much is available to kids like mine who join EVERYTHING and want to try everything...she puts me to shame when I think how lazy I was...ugh!

Anthromomma · Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:54 pm Post subject:

mommy2three · Imperfect Parent Joined: 20 Dec 2002 Posts: 1674

When my oldest was around 4yo, dh gave me earplugs because I was complaining so much about the yelling. She was my "high needs baby", many of my close friends still tell me that they were shocked I had more children after her....she's grown into a very pleasant teenager. Laughing

Anthromomma · Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:14 pm Post subject:

supergirl · Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 8:41 pm Post subject:

I think my spacing was probably my biggest problem. Hunter's in school and has all his activities. I had just gotten to a point where he could somewhat entertain himself for small periods of time when we were home. Then, I was thrust right into the newborn stage with a very colicky baby on top of Hunter's "stuff". And my little one is only going to be one year older than this new baby. The logistics are kinda getting to me...like how to ever leave the house when I have to carry one child, carry an infant carrier, and hold the hand of a child that tends to wander into traffic without a second though. This new baby better be super easy going....he's gonna have to roll with the punches around here.

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

Kenna, I am planning on strapping Kate and new baby into the double stroller until they are old enough to go to school. Wink

That is my current plan on how to get out of the house with all of them.

Seriously though, I am hoping to use the 13 year old babysitter next door this summer so I can do some fun things with the older 2 or 3 without the baby. I can't imagine how I am going to go to the pool with 3 non-swimmers and one barely swimming! Eek.

Like you, I dont think my worry aboutlogistics is about the number of children as much as the spacing of the last two. But, I keep telling myself that people do this all the time and it will be fine! RIGHT?! Shocked

mammaX3_MOD · Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject:

The hardest stage of motherhood for me was when my oldest was 4, his sister was 18 mo, and my last baby was born. Those first 6 months of her life were tough! The other 2 would need me to make breakfast or lunch, while the baby would scream! So then I'd take care of her, and now the other 2 would whine because they're still waiting. So then I'd go back to the other 2 just so I could care for the baby uninterrupted, and she'd start to scream agagin .... It was hard. Exclamation

But I must say, catch me in a good mood and I'll tell you that I am truly enjoying the stages they all are in right now (as much as I gripe about them on my bad days). But I know not to be naieve and think that it won't get hard again down the road a few more times in their lives.

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:03 am Post subject:

LOL, well then why did YOU bring it up??? Seriously, nobody was moaning about how much work it is until YOU brought it up in an argumentitive way. Seriously, I don't care. I just thought I'd chime in since this thread was buzzing.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:09 am Post subject:

I think this is a defensive issue. I think that some people have expectations of what families "should" be--two or three kids, spaced two or three years apart, and at least one of each gender. Whenever anyone strays from that format, people stick their warty noses in and make noise. Jess says she's gotten comments about having only boys. I've gotten comments about the wide spacing. I'm sure Annie will get comments about the close spacing of her last two kids AND that she has 4 kids. 3 is within the paramaters, but 4 is in the HUGE FAMILY range, so she's gonna get shit for that.

Seriously, just look at the people who are making the comments, it's their own issue.

TreeMom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 109

Actually *I* didn't bring it up. I was trying to say the whole time that I think almost every parent has a better idea of what it is like to have onlies since most of them did at some point. I think Caz brought up the more work issue. And I think she was wrong and really sort of rude about it too. I agree with the idea she had fighting words.

I am certain that most people who have more than one do have more "work" than I personally do. Not because I am a better parent or any of that. I am the parent I can be to the child I have. That is it. I don't think I can really compare that to the parents anyone else can be to the child(ren) they have. All I said was I don't think it is always necessarily more work.